gross encounters III. DIY enemas

Well, after reading, and contributing to, Purple's thread I thought it wouldn't be TOO gross to tell you all about the DIY enema I made yesterday.

I'll keep it brief as poss:

I've been constipated for over a week now and, frankly, it's a pain in the arse. I've tried various laxatives, psyllium husks, cod liver oil and pushing like samson on a pillar but all to no avail. So I decided that colonic irrigation was the only answer but having looked it up I came to realise that it's got more in common with plumbing than would first appear.
Not only is it very expensive to get a professional in but it's just a question of liquids and gravity, the rest is garnish and nonsense.
I decided, therefore, to make a home enema kit and set off to B&Q with an open mind.

the plumbing section was closed of for refurbishments so, undeterred, I ambled into Halfords with a view to getting a tube (thin, flexible tubes aren't as common as you'd think). Finally, after turning away in horror from some of the engine tubing they had available who's ribs made me walk funny just to look at them, I happened upon a plastic tube that carries the water to the washer jets and it looked ideal.
A few minutes and some ingenious thinking later, I emerged from Dunhills with a hot water bottle in a cuddly bear case ( future pyjama case for xmas prezzie to someone).
Once home I set about my task. I bored a hole in the hot water bottle and sealed the end of the tube in there with some mastic sealant.
The instructions on the net had suggested that some kind of control tap would be in order but the plastic tube was too hard to just clamp it so I had to use two pieces of wood screwed together that flattened the pipe and, upon unscrewing one of them, would allow the flow to resume.
finally I looked at the end that was to be 'inserted' and felt that it's sharp edge might be a little painfull so I adapted a plastic biro case, with it's smooth coned end, and I was ready to park myself, like a car at a garage and shout, "Fill 'er up!"
Well, the mechanics of actually administering an enema to yourself, although quite straightforward, are a little hard to get comfy with at first. My tap design wasn't working well at all so I had to just put my thumb over the end until it was out of sight. Also I'd been told to expect a feeling of 'filling up' as my colon became waterlogged but no such feeling arrived.
After twenty minutes of lying there on my towels, drill in hand, like an enormous mouse on a mouse mat (cable and all) I decided that my blockage was one of such concrete fortitude that not even warm soapy water could soften its defences. I removed the tube and sat on the bog ready for another battle of the veins.

Holy SHIT!!!!!

I don't know how it happenned but the pint or so that I put up there had become about four gallons. I even started to wonder if I had a leak in the cystern at one pioint! stuff came out of me that hasn't seen the light of day for years, and I mean years. The website told me to expect the food and red meat that's been lining my colon for all my life to come out and it did.

afterwards I felt hollow but very happy indeed. I tried to inspect some of my yield but couldn't recognize anything in the pan as having been eaten by me in recent times and the smell was, as described by Purplehaze in the thread prior to this one, "not a pooh smell but more like something had died".

Anyway I'm here to report to those who may have considered having CI that it really works and is probably even worth paying for as you'll have more comfort and probably less cramp and dripping.
Now that I've got my own kit I might make it a regular thing, it makes you feel great afterwards and about three stone lighter.

The end (apologies for being gross)