afternoon tea

Toasted teacake and earl grey...don't mind if I do!

I've never been a big fan of spring...I love summer.

Good to see you Jude. I'm afraid it's not the coming of summer, so we'll have to make do with spring (I love spring, so at least *I'm* happy). Everything is touched with a lovely bright blue sheen in spring, like a manifestation of hope. (Yeah, hayley, right) Earl Grey is good. I wouldn't mind a pot of very strong coffee and some gingernut biscuits either.

I like spring because of lambs and the fact that it is the amphibian breeding season! Being a zoologist I try and remain scientific about animals but it all falls to pieces when I see lambs and have to cuddle them. I don't cuddle the amphibians!

Mine's a late lunch - proscuttio crudo, wildboar and bilberry pate on organic white french bread from the patisserie down the road. Washed down with a nice glass of water and followed by an excellent pear. Pretentious? Moi? Mwah Mwah.

God, I hate to sound thick but what's a 'crudo'... I sort of imagine it to be somewhere between a crusty roll and a french stick. Other than that it sounds lovely Tony.

Tony, I do think your lunch sounds a bit too good to be true! I live in a wood and there is no patissery in sight, so I'll make do with a cup of green lemon tea and take some time off to look at the roe deer who is eating the crocus on the lawn for his tea. He is still woolly with his wintercoat but it is starting to come off in long messy strands of his antlers, so he looks kind of cool. I haven't the heart to stop him. I picked an orange from my own tree to have with the tea.

Now that sounds ideal milkstone...your own oranges, woods, stags. *sighs*. Have a tunnock's tea cake (I'd offer you a crudo but I truly don't know what one is). I'm thinking of getting a string quartet to play waltzes in a minute, so get out your (sedate) dancing shoes people.

Starts dancing.... cumcumber sandwich? why thank you aunt Jane, don't mind if I do!

crudo is raw. I am all dressed up with red dancing sandals to match. My stag is winking at me with some blue mini-iris hanging out of the side of his mouth, which gives him a drole expression. Let the music begin.

Gosh I'm a know-nothing (and to think I used to be a food writer), but my feeling is that I should always ask if I don't know, rather than look cool, because you can end up looking cool and not knowing anything. (er...) Nice sandals milkstone. Is the stag chatting you up? There's a hell of a lot of casual flirting on this site today. Who's aunt Jane, Jude? Can she make a good cuppa?

Miss Marple...she has an infinite numer of nephew's and neices all of whom have close encounters with murders on a regular basis. She is the epitome of all things English and villagey.

Gosh... I think I will pass on the cumcumber sandwiches. Got any veggie samosas?

Yep, spider, a samosa winging its way. I think Miss Marple has been hogging them. This is turning out to be very sedate don't you think? What is it with us Brits?

Okay I am definitly have to visit the UK...The closest I get to sipping tea is if I drive to the Brooklyn Coffee and Tea house to listen on poetry night...and cucumber sandwiches fuggeddabutit!!!! But because I am up for new experiences I am putting my coke and peanut butter and jelly sandwich aside and going to the kicthen to get a cup of tea (I think we have green tea in the cabinets)mmmm no biscuits...Okay I will take the crust off the PB&J sandwich and rip into small parts and THINK cucumbers...count me in people!!!

*rushes in with a big white china mug of PG tips (double bag, splash of milk) and a multi pack of the new plain chcolate kit kats* Have I missed anything?

Digestive biscuits?

Olives... aren't they the sexiest of fruits. Pass the olives Tony... Pip pip

not missed anything as of yet (my fault for having a tea party really, and not a riotous cocktail event). I agree with you about the white mug scenario on that other thread. Tea just doesn't look/taste/feel the same in anything other than a white insided mug. The worst is yellow or navy. Ukk. Are you questioning digestive biscuits radio, or offering them? I'm happy to have one - they're salty and crunch and yum - but to question them is a crime against humanity. Hey Rhode, good to have you along. I can't remember the last time I had a cucumber sandwich in real life (foodstuff *not* Wildean), but tea wise, I must have about 8 cups a day. Is that so wrong?

May I complement you on your delectable choice of biscuits, Liana...

And did you bring two straws too?

Ferg, shall I smuggle the litre of stolly I have in my dashboard for such emergencies? The sun would've been down already by last week, so I think it is ok.

Liana asked if she missed anything..or something like that. I just like the sound of the two words together. I have no concept of them other than what's been explained before. Digestive Biscuit Digestive Biscuit See how nicely those two words fit together. It's like... Military Intelligence

Brilliant. stolly all round. Thanks Liana.

* from the rear of the lawn, beind the potting shed comes an unearthly shriek. The assembled party momentarily loses interest in the crudites and light chatter as they turn to face a distrught young lady running towards them. "There's a body by the compost heap", she sobs. Her face is ashen...a large bogey the colour of iceberg lettuce hangs like an icicle from her nose. Several of the men including 1leg and pip pip hurry to investigate whilst Miss Marple sits and nds in that infuriating smug knowing way and helps herself to another scone.*

Digestive biscuits.. wheaty salty sweet, nice with lurpack and a slice of cheese on, or dunked in tea. (without cheese) I am wearing this pair of glasses with attached false nose and moustache, because I dont want my unfinished Keats essay to see that I am here.

My Iranaean thodicy essay is equally neglected

"She has no bones!"

Cool. This party is finally taking off... *comes back from kitchen with a fat joint* Whose for roast pork and stuffing sandwiches?

Token thick police officer: I aint never seen anything like this Miss Marple: May I ask Mr 1leg ...did you notice anything unusual about the corpse's fingernails? And how did you know she had no bones?

Miss Marple wasn't smug. She was utilising the marginalisation of the elderly to her advantage. I agree radio. Digestive biscuits sounds as perfect as seafood sauce. (and I don't even like seafood sauce because it's just ketchup and salad cream mixed up isn't it?)

*Pokes body with stick* I like seafood sauce personally, goes well with shrimp. Should we call the authorities?

Not salad cream, mayonnaise and lemon juice. No wonder you dont like it. Is that my essay over there with yours Jude, pointing accusingly at us both?

No no...the correct way to proceed is for Aunt Jane to potter around asking stupid questions for a fortnight. She is then to have discussions with her old biddy friend over infinite cups of tea. After the fortnite is up she gets everyone who lives ina 10 mile radius into a room...and identifies the murderer after stringing together a lengthy theory as to how and why. then she has more tea and cake

This party is a bit on the uninspiring side isn't it? How did it go so wrong? I was imagining some kind of Brideshead/Gatsby combo with my heels sinking into an immaculate lawn. Ah well. Mayonnaise you say? Hmmm. I think I'll pass and just squeeze some lemon/lime and grate some black pepper over the top of my seafood. Or fry it in garlic.

Proscuttio crudo is raw smoked ham from Italy - and jolly good it is too - it's just cheap Parma Ham - but better! As for the body - well I never. Can we smoke that? Along with 1leg's offering? Then we can have proper cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off. A jolly good day all round if you ask me. pip pip

Yes.. She did not have any... and it was all floppy like a rag doll when picked.. leading me to assume that her bones had been stolen. But how? *spits out an olive stone*

utilising the marginalisation of the elderly to her advantage? Oh you mean interfering old biddy

And does anyone have any idea who the victim is?

Can't be nice to have your bones stolen, Jude.

I say we follow the trail of cake crumbs and digestive bickies.....

it was me. I am the dead body. So long.

(as I am about to finish work and won't be back online till tomorrow. Please find out who killed me though, because I want my revenge).

Well if the corpse has just got up and walked out of the bloody door... we'd look vey silly carrying on these capers! Can't you just lie there and play dead for a little bit longer. Its not asking much, is it?

We were only going to smoke you (as in haddock, not in joint) and it would all have been jolly fine - but you have to up and spoil the fun. It's not on, Roger. I'm going to tell Nanny.

And you were so convincing too! With that agape, astonished expression on your face.... Some people just have no respect for the arts! No, you cannot come backand resume position tommorrow. *snatches stolly and samosas and leaves the party*

'ello 'ello' ello what his 'appenin 'ere then? *licks end of stubby pencil and flips notebook open while waiting for the first confession* come along now ladies and gents. this 'ere's a murder scene without wot we might call a body. *ignores the amount of stolly being passed around and the general air of latent slavery and nepotism that always wafts about the upper classes and tries to remember his humble place in the world and enjoy the feeling of newly cut lawn under his beat battered boots while he can* did I 'ear say of a body wot 'ad no bones in it? well the lads down the station will have a field day with this one. I'd best leave things in the capable hands of the old woman with the feint odour of gin and return once she 'as pointed the proverbial finger. evenin' all. *pops notebook back into breast pocket, tugs peak of helmet and bends at the knees with a creak then leaves at a very slow pace with hands behind back.*

Tea, digestives, dunking? Hedonism! Why wasn't I told? [%sig%]