What Do You Look Like?

Yes, but THAT HAIR.

Okay I need shooting Pesky...not my fault...I picked the terminology up from Patrick who always informs me of how much he loves boobies. Judy Finnegan looks like a valium-addicted gin-ruined housewife with 10 kids.

Richard Madeley and Judy* shaky hands* Finnegan were in a pub?

So what was your mum doing in a Cirencester swinger's dive bar with a license to sell hard liquor at 6:30 AM?

Ha, Rokkitnite, I just read earlier up the thread that someone thought you might look like Iain Beale who owned salad bars. Brilliant image. No, I am sure most of you have met Tim. He is a good looking devilish sort with a filthy hearty laugh. Span

I think Tim looks like Peter Sellars. I think it is the yellow lensed, thick-rimmed specs (if he still wears them. It's been a while).

ah, come on. I cant imagine anyone less like Ian beale. I cannot imagine Tim simpering to any Laura Beale type, or choosing to marry someone a vapid as Cindy. Span

and I have never met him or seen a pic..so to me he is Ian Beale the salad bar supremo.

They were talking about looks to be fair, and they did say 'before'...

I have never met Jon. I think that's odd, as I must have walked past him in the street, Norwich being the small place it is.

Ah, yes the before, fair play. Jon is lovely. you might have walked past him and noticed, he used to wear a very long coat and a wide brimmed hat. Span

err, sorry but did we reach a decision on the breast contest thing?

I think you won.

YAY!!!!! [jumps around in victory dance to the sound of hairy skin bouncing off the underside of a green plastic visor worn under the chin for protection]

You have to pose in a Sunday Supplement in a lime green bikini, sprayed with champange foam, under the title: 'Literary Boob Fest' Enjoy!

LITERARY BITCH ELY STORMS TO VICTORY IN POETS' BOOB BONANZA

that's in the tabloids anyway

LITERARY BOOB WINNER MAKES RIGHT TIT OF HIMSELF Boob champ Ely Whitley was today stripped of his crown when the organisers discovered that his bra was filled entirely with MOOBS and not lovely plump lady pillows as first thought. "Moobs, or man boobs, are just the result of being a fat git, they have no aesthetic quality at all and should be kept under clothing." Said Prof. Mammary justkilledaman. From his base in Silicone Valley. Mr. whitley was tracked to his home in Norfolk where he showed us video evidence of him lactating but, once we pointed out it was a toothpaste dribble, he threw us out.

LITERARY BOOB ROW SHOWS NO SIGN OF DYING Writers' site ABCTales was still in turmoil yesterday following the shock revocation of Ely Whitley's Boob championship title. Contestants are demanding to know why Whitly, an outsider in the competition was allowed to even reach the knock-out stages of the competition. PoetJude, hot favourite to win the competition said "This whole contest was a sham from the start. It wasn't about the boobs. Ely won because of his abilities in the poetic arena. My boobs hardly got a second glance from the judges. They are loads better than Whitley's! Even if we re-run the competition, I trained hard to get my boobs into tip-top condition for the day and now the moment's lost." Editors from the site were unavailable for comment.

TIT-LEY ON THE RUN shamed nork cheat Ely Whitley was today tracked to a small Bangkok hotel where he had been caught trying to enter a local Lady boy competition. Our reporters were on hand to expose the lardy chested fraud to the organizers before he had a chance to infiltrate the system. He was dismissed in shame and then turned on our reporters screaming, "Tell Jude I'm Sorry! I never meant any harm! Hers are real and they still have a lot of life left in them..especially the left one!" He then managed to pull his top up to expose his moobs and grabbed them as he ran screaming "What am I supposed to do with these now!" before disappearing into the red light district followed by a Western looking man wearing a "Bloomsbury aint what it was" Tee shirt and waving a 50 baht note above his head.

Fergal, I only very recently got round to plucking my eyebrows, for the first time in anbout 6 years - I was looking a bit werewolfie. Do you have any tips? Its always seemed like a totally masochistic process. I wonder if there are salons where you can get it done under GA

Do it after you've had a bath - your skin will be all warm and less likely to cause pain. Pluck beneath the line. Don't pluck them so they're thin... you want to keep their natural shape but moreso... um...Catherine Zeta Jones has the best celeb eyebrows, followed by Rachel Weisz. Jodie Marsh has the worst. I only started plucking mine about 5 years ago after living with an American girl who used to spend HOURS plucking the odd stray hair from her eyebrow whlist watching the TV. I found it inspiring and now do it because I like it now. You can get them done in a salon if you really want to. That is the girliest post you'll ever see me put on here.

I don't wear makeup, can't be bothered with a hair style other than really, really long, but I pluck my eyebrows. Started a year ago. Had to tollerate sarcastic comments from hubbie (kept asking me if I was surprised) and it's my after shower task now. Every morning. Can't do it if hubbie's in there, he stares at me funny when I pluck.

Oh, and on the descriptions, I was recently described as a half American/half Scottish mad woman. Hmmm.

No, Jude, DON'T go to a salon! I once got my brows waxed at a salon and wound up with these things that looked like sperm with very long tails. Took me ages to get them back to movie-star shape. Glamour and those shite rubbish magazines generally have articles in them on how to pluck. I have the same problem as span with the mams competing for attention. I've had untold numbers of men come up to me and say, uninvited, "You've got great tits!". I kid you not. I don't wear low-cut or skimpy tops (I like crew neck t-shirts, loose fitting...). On a couple of occasions I've retorted, "Yeah, and I'm SMART, too!". They always look puzzled. What am I supposed to say? What I'd give for a pair of A cups... only difference is I don't have the hips and/or waist to match. I'm built like a gymnast with a bit of extra padding: straight up and down apart from aforementioned ladylumps. *sigh*. Maybe a gymnast who got injured and had to retire to the sofa with a packet of HobNobs.

I don't put my head under when I'm in the bath. *looks baffled*

You don't have to - it's the 'steam' what does it.

it's true

The things I have learned in the past three months far surpass everything I've learned in the past ten years combined!

Er, thanks. I'd like to add that I was -not- boasting. I find these impromptu offerings of opinion regarding physical attributes to be most offensive. It's not like I'd go up to rokkitnite (whom I've never met) and say, 'Wow! You've got a HUGE packet!' or something like that. Or would I? Hmmm... *titter*

if abc had a thread of the week award, this should get it hands down. thanks, rokkitnite.

So Foster, are you a lumberjack or a tall power-hiker?

Yeah, and do you have a beard?

In my head Foster has a beard and wears a hat.

Yeah, this has almost been like one of those old threads that used to just get bigger and bigger... it's got two pages this one, which is nice.

I imagine Foster to be huge, Italian looking with sideburns and black slick hair. He wears tight white t shirts and rides a moped.

For me Foster is tall and skinny with short back and sides, and looks surprising like my brother-in-law from Denver. Don't know why.

tall - sorta, six feet. lumberjack - no, but i like plaid flannel shirts... beard - are you kidding? i tried once and shaved it at 3am when i couldn't sleep. plus it wasn't very thick to begin with. power hiker - well, it's true i don't own a car, but i don't walk particulary fast, so no. AG - i see you as short, but that might be because you said you were small. Lisa - i picked you to have long hair, long and straight. i imaged both of you (and everyone else, really) to have eyebrows.

span i couldn't look worse in hats, so i don't wear them. i guess you and spack aren't married. but i really thought so. and jude - you make me sound like i'm in the mafia, haha. and the looser my tees, the better. sidebufns fill in about as well as my beard, so no.

My hair is strawberry blonde and half way down my back - a little wavy but mostly after it's been plaited (braided for the USAers) Archergirl - do you have longish brown hair in a pony tail? I can't remember if you already described yourself.

ooooh - Foster has a picture up but it doesn't look like him at all. Foster I think you've put the wrong head on.

Beards have to be particularly lush to be attractive, it's true. Scraggly ones are a no-no. Goatees and those handlebar biker moustaches are quite sexy, though... I -am- short! Well, 5'2, which is short enough. Reasonably well-proportioned. I have nice legs, long (if anything can be 'long' at 5'2). Darkly hazel eyes. Wavy, often frizzy, unmanageable light reddish-brown hair. Ridiculous cowlicks which force me to have my hair either very, very short or quite long. It's in-between right now, which makes me want to go for a Judi Dench. One thing I -do- wish I had is longer eyelashes. My kids both have these absurdly thick, long, black lashes, courtesy of Dad. Mine are a miracle of mascara.