Survival

Posted by Highhat on Thu, 20 Dec 2012

I survived a mild psychosis this week. It wasn't fun but I am touching earth again- grounded. Now I have mixed emotions about this time of year. I am happy and indifferent.Strange- perhaps I am still slightly psychotic.I know I am depressed. These days -cloudy and freezing. Yesterday morning the sun peeked through the clouds for a short while. I enjoyed the few moments. Otherwise it has been grey for days - especially after the snow has melted. It did brighten things with all the white.
Next week the shops are closed for three consecutive days.24th,25th and 26th.Not that I can afford anything but I may run out of some essentials which I have a bit of change for.
I have asked the care-support woman to stay away. She treated me like a child. She made me feel so small and stupid. It was frightening to meet a person like her: controlling, bossy and superficial. She made me feel insecure. I wonder how on earth she became a care-support worker? I believe she is very insecure herself.

Comments

Submitted by Highhat on
Yes- something did trigger it- I had a falling out with my youngest son but that is fine now- we are speaking again. I feel much better now thanks. I wouldn't mind being with family. I have my son but he won't be home to celebrate- he's always with his deceased father's family. But we will be together some of the Christmas days. I'm estranged from my oldest son. I will probably just do all the things I normally do- it's not much different to other days for me. I'm going to relax and enjoy not having to cook a big meal and rushing about buying presents and being with a lot of people. Suits me fine being on my own. I can manage without a carer period. She's not coming back. I have made certain of that. I could get another one if I wanted to but they want to have a meeting with me and really I couldn't take that. A lot of strangers in my home. Nope not for me. Not at the moment at least. I feel as though she intruded my life so much I don't feel like opening my door to more of them. I'm fine on my own I hope.

Submitted by Highhat on
She came once a week and I won't miss her. It was almost like having a partner though worse- oops- I am very egotistical and cherish my right to have my own life without some busy body trying to control me and treating me like a naughty child- I'd hate to meet her children- they're probably as awful as she is.

Submitted by celticman on
well I'm reading back and I can confirm-you survived. Care work here Pia is a cut throat business with all staff on the minimium wage. I think the problem is with so few jobs people are doing job that don't suit them, or the people they're ostenstibly caring about. It's a lose-lose situation. But there are some caring people out there Pia. My mum was a home help. She was wonderful. Old folk cried when she left them. But they'd have been crying if it was me trying to help them.

 

Submitted by denni1 on
That's so true, about the carer-calibre. Some of them are like a rough diamond, and some are just plain rough! It's a bugger sometimes, life. Dx

Submitted by Highhat on
I am glad she has gone Denni- I enjoy having my home to myself and not having a stranger boss me about and being patronizing. I don't dare ask for another one. I think my life improved after she left it. But sure life is a bugger at times. I agree. But let's be happy together. Ha ha ;)Pia