A City Night BY: Mikepyro My tragic tale.

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Mon, 2005-12-05 03:42

This was one of my newest short stories/poems. It is a tragic story. Most of my firneds are confused at the ending however, anyone care to take a stab at it?

A City Night

She stands on the balcony, shivering in her red dress.
I walk out onto the balcony, allowing her to hear my footsteps.
She turns to me, her red dress billowing in the wind.
"Care for a smoke? I ask, holding out a pack.
"Sure, She says, taking a cigarette. "You get tired of the boring party?
"Actually I came for you. I tell her. "I've been watching you.
"What do you know about me? She asks, smiling with her beautiful red lips.
"You're running from your fears, but you don't want to do it alone. I reply.
"Yes. She says, walking out to me, a smile out upon her lips.
I hold her tight and kiss her lips. She smells like angels ought to smell.
I tell her everything's going to be all right. I tell her I love her.
The silencer goes off without a sound. A whisper in the wind.
I hold her in my arms until she is gone.
I'll never know what she was running from....
I'll pick up my check in the morning.

Mon, 2005-12-05 09:37

camus

Hi Mike...welcome to abc, the best way to get feedback is, as Tony says to read other peoples work and maybe help them by giving them a little constructive crit. Unfortunately you find on here that people who continually ask for criticism whilst not joining in with anything else going on are the ones that don't receive any. Also Missi and Lou were quite right by saying that the 'discuss' forum is not the place to post your work...just add it normally, (it shows up under recently added btw) and then let people decide if they want to discuss it in their own time. As for poem of the week/story of the week, you don't have to enter, Tony picks the most outstanding (in his opinion) pieces, although I think he is open to recommendations if you really like a piece that someone else has written. I hope this helps you to start off on the right foot here!

Mon, 2005-12-05 10:45

tcook