Feedback Appreciated

16 posts / 0 new

Topic locked

Sat, 2005-08-27 14:38

Hey all,

I'm currently working on a novel and I've added the first two chapters here, if you could leave me feedback it would be very much appreciated, and not sure about Chapter 2 currently myself.

The Novels titled "The Nightcomers" and is availible at http://www.abctales.com/ukrob12/the_nightcomers

Thanks,
Rob

Wed, 2005-08-31 18:28

tcook

Rob - it's always best to comment on a few of the other pieces flagged up here - or even flag up some yourself. Then people will tend to give you more feedback on your work. As you sow, so shall ye reap!

Wed, 2005-08-31 20:36

ukrob12

Well that's just peachy, but I am an active contributer of many writing communities, and am slightly more likely to be an active member if I feel it's worth it. At the moment NO ONE has so much as commented on my work. If I felt this was an excellent community where I could get help I would of course comment on others work, as that is the only way a community like this can work. But anyway it seems to me it isn't working anyway, that's all.

Wed, 2005-08-31 20:53

2Lou

Well if we all waited for someone to comment on our work before we commentated on anyone else's...

~
www.fabulousmother.co.uk

Wed, 2005-08-31 21:09

Brighton Rock

Rob, Tony wasn't having a go, I'm sure. It was merely advice to help you receive more feedback. I'll try to read some of your novel and get back to you soon. Take it easy, we're mainly freindly here, peace Tim

Wed, 2005-08-31 22:25

ukrob12

I just feel that hardly anyone comments on anyones work on here from what I've seen, although I can see why people wouldn't it isn't exactly easy to find WHERE to comment.

Wed, 2005-08-31 22:40

Brighton Rock

tell you what rob, scratch that, go have a wank and grow up. go tell your girlfriend..oh, hold on...

Thu, 2005-09-01 10:38

Soraia Almeida

Right, instead of continuing this dispute of this, that and the other, I decided to go and read your work. As I find this pointless and unproductive. Here is what I thought: Right I like the the first chapter, I don't like the second very much and sort of like the thrid. Perhaps I just don't understand it and this is why: he gets on the bus, he steps out and kills (maybe) someone, runs out and gets on the bus, than wakes and sees it's a dream, goes into the house and finds the blood and runs back into the bus (perhaps not a dream), where he meets a homeless guy that tells him he will get caught, and goes to the house, doesn't kill anyone but sees blood. Dream or not? Great ok, but.... It's all a bit much. I understand what you are trying to do, sort of, suspense, loads of it, but I think you have two different starts to the story and you should decide on one. Secondly, something is not quite working, the writting I thought was good, but I can't figure out which genre you trying to do, I feel more information should be given at times and I think you should turn the three chapters into two, as with three it's a bit repetitive. Write some more perhaps it will became apparent with more info. I'm giving you this feedback as a reader not as a writer. I love reading and I read it as if I just got your book in the shop and started to read, after the 3 chapters my feelings were of confusion. Sorry, I hope that helps. soraia

Thu, 2005-09-01 11:09

camus

Rob, I have to agree with Soraia I'm afraid. I found it quite confusing and repetitive. I think you have the basic idea there and it could work, try to give the reader more insight into the important features of the story and less on things such as gates and doors as I found that this contributed to the repetitive feel and made the eyes skim over these parts... That said, I am new to this game, and all that was just my personal opinion. Congrats on being brave enough to undertake a novel and keep writing! A.

Thu, 2005-09-01 13:45

#10

tcook

Rob - all I was attempting to say was that it tends to be better to give first and take second - that way you are always ahead of the game. Best of luck.

Thu, 2005-09-01 16:25

#11

ukrob12

Brighton Rock you have succeeded in brightening up an otherwise awful day. I salute you. Now, thanks for the comment, I really needed to know whether it was confusing to others, to me it makes perfect sense and it really is completely planned out, even though it obviously doesn't seem like it; however obviously I already know what is happening, and so find it difficult to see it from the readers point of view. I will now work in making clearer what is happening, and all round comments I've been getting from everyone is that more description is needed, which is something I'll work on. So anyway thanks again for the comments. And I cdo understand your point thats it doesn't always work taking before you give, but my point is that hardly anyone seems TO give here, my personal opinion is that the site is poorely laid out, and the forums don't work for what the site says it is trying to do. But hey that's just my opinion, and I don't see why I should be told to "go have a wank and grow up" for expressing it. Bye bye now.

Thu, 2005-09-01 18:56

#12

tcook

Nor do I! We're a rough and ready community and sometimes you have to take the rough with the smooth - but best of luck and keep coming back for more feedback!

Thu, 2005-09-01 23:28

#13

ukrob12

Sorry I don't understand?

Thu, 2005-09-01 23:29

#14

ukrob12

Oh I think I get it now, I meant as the bus driver shouted good bye to him, it is unclear and needs to be edited I actually already knew that but "he ignored the bus driver, as the bus driver shouted goodbye" sound stupid.

Thu, 2005-09-01 23:43

#15

mykle

He ignored the bus driver's shouted "Goodbye".

Fri, 2005-09-02 00:41

#16

2Lou

He ignored the bus driver's shout of goodbye. Maybe?

~
www.fabulousmother.co.uk

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