Leslie Epstein

No. Death is too good for Leslie Epstein.

Forget justice - think necessity. Think of how many potentially brilliant writers are being at this very moment snipped, stripped and homogenised in Boston University!

who is she?

*He*, Justyn. A creative writing professor at Boston University who has produced a handy set of 'tips' for his students. Below are some extracts: "Spell all right as I have here, not 'alright'." "In narrative prose....write, on average, two and a half paragraphs per page." "The wisest thing ever said about creative writing was this: 'A real poet does not say azure. A real poet says blue.'" "Try to avoid stories about old people...or mad people or children." "Try to avoid...writing from subjective points of view - that is, writing about people's feelings, their thoughts, and above all their memories and dreams. (To put it another way, do not write like Virginia Woolf.)" "Limit your similes to two a page, tops" "Don't pronounce the final e in forte." "If you think I'm wrong I'm willing to bet your tuition." "These simple rules, and a few others like them - for example, not chewing gum in this class or in public - will make you seem sophisticated and glamorous, and are by themselves worth the $120,000 dollars you will pay Boston University over four years."

I was thinking maybe she was a he. It sounds to me like this guy wants to get a spot on Oprah or Larry King. BU is a third rate institution anyway, so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

He is a he. And Hen, you missed the best one: "Now, if you will just remember to tear your bread in pieces before spreading the butter, and always carry this tip sheet with you, you will become a master of prose, fit for the world and ready for life."

I know this might seem insulting to people doing creative writing degrees but for me, the whole idea of teaching creative writing is completely ridiculous. Having said that I think you're being a bit unfair to Mr Epstein this quote for example: "The wisest thing ever said about creative writing was this: 'A real poet does not say azure. A real poet says blue.' is a good point. I wouldn't say you can definitely say who is and isn't a real poet but I think the bloke's general argument is that he thinks simple, direct language is better than flowery nonsense. People may disagree but I reckon he's right.

I think where you agree is with the spirit of his argument - the Orwellian idea that simplicity and directness are the key aims of literature. Such a view is valid if your desire is chiefly to communicate your ideas or imaginings (which was Orwell's main prerogative,) but a poet, traditionally, is one whose focus is on language itself as a means of expression, whereas Orwell saw language as an imperfect prism that the writer needs to relentlessly polish, through which his reader can see into his mind. Even Orwell never succeeded in perfecting the prism though - when '1984' was received as being worth "a cool million votes to the Conservative party," he confessed that he'd "ballsed it up." It's one way of writing - but it isn't THE way of writing, and I certainly don't think it applies very well to most types of poetry. Besides which, that quote is a terrible, terrible example of Orwell's argument. Azure specifically describes the colour of a clear sky. 'Blue' can mean anything from the colour of a murky pond to ultramarine. Writers that use 'blue' usually do so in conjunction with a context that makes it clear what colour to visualise - if the sky is blue, for example, you think of azure. If a car is blue, you think of maybe a darker shade. But applied to an alien object, it's a very vague description. If we're to take Epstein's quote literally, we can say that, equally, a real poet doesn't say 'democratic socialism,' but 'communism,' a view which Orwell would vehemently oppose.

"the whole idea of teaching creative writing is completely ridiculous." I agree in part, but I don't think that is what creative writing courses are actually about. Rather they are there to provide an environment and context in which one can write, to show new approaches and techniques, reveal common problems and mistakes. They can teach the basic mechanics of story telling, and how to avoid clumsy phraseology. In a way, it is similiar to the notion of teaching Art, one which people have far less of a problem with. Where they sometimes go wrong, as in the case of Mr. Epstein here, is when they attempt to force a particular style and genre of writing on people. Epstein, as is clear from the extract I have read from him, is advocating everyone become middle of the road realists. Now, there is nothing wrong with such writing, but Epstein reveals how courses can at times threaten to choke writers, rather than encouraging them to grow.