I'm 44, married with two kids, and still don't get this thing that women have about men leaving the toilet seat up. Which bit do they object to being left up, the lid or the seat itself? Or both? And what's so offensive? Is it the sight of a naked seat or a naked rim? Please will someone explain?
Maybe I'm not a regular guy when it comes to crapper seats as it is I that ALWAYS lowers the seat in this house, and the terrorist that always leaves it up! I also always lower the lid, as I believe that that is the only reason it is supplied in the first place. It looks nicer and hides all the skidmarks in the pan that selfish users leave behind! I have noticed that some women also have the rather disgusting habit of not flushing after a leak, on the grounds that they have only passed water and don't wish to waste any further amounts. I had a row about this very point with my terrorist-in-law some years ago whilst staying at her house. I told her in no uncertain terms that I did not like being hit up the a rse by her backsplashes!
This brings up another point about water. We are always being lectured by whoever, about the need to 'save' water. Well for starters, toilets are designed to need, and use, the full contents of the cistern, failure to do this results in there sometimes not being enough liquid to flush the crap through the sewer, and in any case if there isn't sufficient water content, they have to add some at the sewer farm to make it possible to process the stuff. Secondly it is not possible to 'waste' water as there is the same amount of the stuff on the planet now as there was millions of years ago. There is no such thing as a shortage of water! The problem arises because it isn't always where we want it, but that is a completely different problem.
Its when you run in in pitch black at 3am, and sit down on an icy (and sometimes, horror of absolute horrors DAMP) piece of two inch wide porcelain. If you have a skinny a.rse like me, you then practically plunge through the middle and end up so traumatized that you cant get back to sleep.
THATS what so offensive about it!
pilgrims had shellphones. anyway that may be an americanism and ... i don't really care.
tonight i am mainly pissed off with president Tone and first lady doesmymouthlookbiginthis?cherie hijacking the english squad for a photo shoot at no.10.
they should fucking keep out of football (and all sport for that matter), and try and run the country for the country rather than running it as a kinda, hey, you know, like, coolbrittania, hip, smarmy grin, well acted tear, kinda, lets appeal to sklubb7fans, Tone popularity contest typa government ya know?
*hands rant soapbox back*
Wow, I sparked off quite a controversy with my toilet seat comment didn't I? Just one thing that people seem to have forgotten...
You blokes are all saying that it's just as irritating to have the seat down as it is to have it up. Which is silly, because women need the seat down every time they use the loo, and men, although probably about 3/4 of the time they don't, also need the toilet seat at certain times. Unless you all like sitting on the rim?
Therefore, if the number of men and women in a house is equal, approximately 5 times out of every 8 that the bog is used will require the toilet seat DOWN. That's over half, which leads to the logical conclusion that that should be the natural position of the seat. Nevermind it's aesthetic function, as mentioned by mississippi...
Furthermore, women should have priority in this particular matter as compensation for having to put up with the nasty smells that men leave in the bathroom. So :P
The toilet seat thing - it isn't great for men to have the lid down, as... well, I'm not going into details, but us guys often leave things till last minute and when you're jigging from foot to foot and trying to unbutton five fly buttons and regretting that Nick Kamen ever ushered in the end of zips that extra second or two lifting the seat can be critical. Please ladies just accept that for us men having the seat down is every bit as irritating as having it left up is for you women. We don't do it to spite you or because we're lazy - it works best for you down and best for us up.
Yes but the worst that can happen to a man if he's not paying attention is make a mess and have to clear it up....
I'm short...VERY short and small and petit and well to put it simply if I don't realise the seats up I may well FALL IN!!!
The seat stays DOWN...
'ere Em --- I don't think women are odourless in the farty-bog department, mate! why should there be a difference? perhaps its the beer, fags and curries?
I'll have to get my wife to cut down on them.
and when i worked in a pub, it was the ladies that was swimming with pee at the end of the evening. My bro-in-law, Ken, swears he was in a bog in italy, and an old women in black came in, houisted her skirt and dropped her knickers and peed into the urinal next to him standing up.
C'mon girls - what are you hiding from us?
I live in a very rural area .... the sea ..... long stretches of coastline, mountain's, river's, stream's, lake's, sheep and yet more sheep .... we walk .... should I say ramble (fall over, ask to be carried, complain about my toes and new boots, throws a 'Kevin' like wobbly) ....
Although I haven't been out for ages, we thought that as the sun was out and it lovely day we would go up into the mountains .... and in the middle of no where ..... well the urge for a pee was ..... urgent
and do you know what I realised how xxxxxx annoying it is .... I mean how easy it is for a man when they get caught short .... a pull and do job but how xxxxxx annoying for we women who have to 'go' behind the bush', half strip and balance .....
this is, of course not easy when carrying ruck sack on the back and finding your self in the same field as bull .... or a herd of sheep, who have the devil desire to nick your butties .....
but more annoying, people with camera's ..... why is that when ever you have to 'go' like that ..... that the place just fills up with people with camera's?! I mean I know all about the places that are marked on the map as places with a spectacular views that they can go to click to the little hearts content ..... but following me just .... just ..... isn't on
I would also like to know why is that nettles seem to grow in the strangest of places .......
and how come public loos seem to be always 7 miles in the opposite direction to which you want to go and worst still you get there to find them locked .... is it some kind of conspiracy.... have the Local Council got it in for me !
We had to come back early due to the nasty accident I had .... *Tries not to sit on the uncomfortable stinging bit ... that now green from rubbed in Dock leaves*
Will have to think about sending in the photo's we've been taking ...
NOT THE ONE OF MY BUM!
It wasn't my camera .... and I didn't sit on it ... I was exposed ..... caught in the act .... balancing ...
* get's hot and tries not to sit down .... has to type standing up *
1. People who put creases in their Levi's
2. People who say things like 'wonderful' when describing the milk being delivered.
3 People who pretend to know about Jazz (I just love catching them out.)
4. Prawn Sandwich eating Tottenham Hotspur supporters who have caught religion.
5. People who slag books and movies even though they have not seen them.
6. Table Tennis.
Good thread.
Ralph
Perhaps you have a very photogenic bum! Turn up on the 28th and I'll avail myself and my camera, then we can have a 'site' meeting to discuss it's finer points!
Grief's mention of women in the boys room reminded me of an AMnesty International concert at Wembley some years ago, when I took my eldest son to see Bruce Springsteen. As is always the case at large gatherings there was loooong queues out side all the womens toilets. The mens had no queues at all but I was gobsmacked on entering to see every third or fourth person at the trough was a woman in exactly the pose that Grief describes. None of them seemed to give a damn and none of the men even seemed to notice!
Firstly pants are trousers, that's why underpants are called underpants, because you were them UNDER your PANTS. I know it's derivation and all that but I think I have a point.
Secondly toilet seats. If the natural position (when idle) was up it would make more sense. We men have to reach down and pick up a seat that has been dribbled on (admittedly by other men) but also sat upon by women doing all the things men do in that position and a few more. I don't want to go into detail but the main point of access to the lower front regions is through the front between the legs so contact with the front of the seat is inevitible as the fanny crew leave site after their monthly meeting. When you consider that the toilet is designed as a single unit and that the seat is a comfort accessory then it makes sense that it be presented as the makers intended and that the seat can be added (lowered) when needed.....
hang on there's someone at the door...
Oh hello Miss Greer what brings yo- OUCH!
what pisses me off is when the kids eat everything and then put the packets and jars back in the cupboard or fridge ... so that you THINK you still have jam/sultanas/mayonnaise only to get the packet/jar out at a crucial moment only to find it empty ...
and that the person who uses the last of the bog roll doesnt get a new one out ...
and people who park on two parking spaces ...
and people who want to Nip In Front of you at checkouts cos they have only got "one or two things" ...
and people who drop litter ... seeing that makes me BOIL!
e-griff, I never said we were odourless, but it's a well-known fact that blokes stink out the toilet way more than women... I don't know how you manage it. We might not leave the bathroom smelling of roses *every* time, but at least most of the time, when you walk in afterwards you can breathe without losing consciousness and hitting your head on the toilet (which, incidentally, would be more painful if the seat was up!) Bwahahah!
Does anyone else find that if there are about 80 replies in a thread, when you click the link the loading times out before you get to the bottom?
And, by the way, am I technically allowed to participate in these threads, having written absolutely nothing for about... urr, a year?
mississippi ..... I would love to turn up on the 28th but sadly I have to be at a wedding on the 1st in another part of the country and I do live on a very tight budget ....
Anyway if I did turn up you wouldn't get to see my posterior to take a picture .... am still thinking of nasty things I can do to people with camera's after yesterday's mishap ..... so I think you'd be in a bit of danger if you tried .....
I've been to one or two concerts where what you refer to occurred ..... the Blues Fest. at Bishopstock a few years back .... though had plenty of loo's ..... and Peter Green (of Fleetwood Mac) was brill.
Perhaps someone should start a new thread on this subject as it seems to be so close to our hearts ..... (laughs)
Emily why haven't you written anything for a year ?
Well now isn't that a coincidence. I too have to be at a wedding on the 1st of June. It is also in a different part of the country (to where I live). Furthermore the wedding in question is that of a very good friend who happens to be a professional musician who plays in a blues style band called The Hamsters. They have appeared at the Bishopstock festival on more than one ocassion.
I've started to feel very strange as the thought passes through my mind that you may be attending Andy and Lauras wedding in Goring by Sea on the 1st. I shall have my camera at the ready and be on the lookout for comely bums in the loo.
people at work telling you in great boring detail for over 5 minutes how they're too busy to do some work for you that would actually take them less than 5 mins if they just STOPPED TALKING AND GOT ON WITH IT!!
trains stopping between stations with absolutely no information as to why or how long you're going to be there for.
cancelled trains
slow trains
delayed trains
the price I have to pay to get to work
not having a book with me on the train
when you realise you're wearing completely the wrong clothes for the weather - it DID look sunny when you woke up and is now Siberian winter.
umbrellas that turn inside out and break with just one puff of wind
people who say yes and then let you down coz they're too gutless to say no in the first place
automated ticket booking lines
being ill on a bank holiday
our declining postal service
my local Council who refuse to collect our rubbish from the compound at the back of our flats, wanting us all to pile it up on a narrow pavement in front instead
delivery services that won't specify a time between 8.00 and 6.00 and will only deliver on weekdays
hanging around at the doctors for an hour after when your appointment was made for
junk mail, spam
lane restrictions in the swimming pool. people with a swimming style that nearly causes a tidal wave on every stroke. teenagers jumping in right next to your head.
cold calling telesales
bank holiday traffic
but toilets...... when they are in toilet showroom.. are in their intended state... lid up, seat down.
thats IT. Its obvious (refers ely to his post on word ban thread)
Only thing worse than seat up anyway, is lid down.
messy.
A very effective way to de-pong loos is using a cigarette lighter for a few seconds before leaving. It takes out all the methane. If there is a massive explosion, change diet, favourite tipple, or take a canary in with you.
Yes Liana, I know I spelt occasion wrongly. I do it 50% of the time, in fact on every other okasion. I hate that sodding word, it has confounded me all my life!
Oh and by the way Em, I have probs with timeouts on long threads too.
My wedding will no where near yours .... Phew
Bishopstock June '98 ....... The Hamsters where there on the Saturday I think .... Eric Bib ..... John Hammond ....... John Mayall ...... Walter Trout (cringes at a sudden memory about him) ..... what a festival .... had a great time .... apart from the Walter Trout thing
I was tempted not to tell you that I wouldn't be at the same wedding ...... then you'd have spent most of your time chasing 'comely bums' which would have been interesting to watch and hear about ....... but I couldn't bring myself to be so mischievous
It was so very very tempting all the same .....
junk faxes get me...i work from home and get about 6 every day...yesterday's haul included:
Win 4 VIP Tickets to see the Blockbuster Show Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Install Air Conditioning NOW and SAVE ££££££££££
and
It's a SCREAM!! BANISH those morning blues with our hilarious "Office Wind-ups!"
some writerly ones:-
people who ask me what i like to write about. i never know what to say.
people who say they've got a great story that i should write about. if it's so great, why don't they just write it themselves?
people (my office) for example who are convinced that the hilarious antics that don't go on in our office are what i want to write about.
re the junk faxes, contact the fax preference service - it works! we used to get loads of junk faxes, but no more. You can e-mail them on: fps@dma.org.uk
oh god ..... that's made me think .... a few spare Emily's yes ... but in the wrong hand's we could find ourselves over run with with with ....... other men with cameras taken bad pictures or worse still more than one of me .... how would you cope
Mobile phones. Hate them. Horrible, horrible things. I've managed to resist their manipulative powers so far, but I think it's only a matter of time before I succumb...
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