young, dumb and full of fun

having had no luck looking up some classics we decided to subvert the premise and look for some good reviews for what we knew to be atrocious rubbish ...Mr Gareth Harrison from Sheffield, South Yorkshire United Kingdom didn't let us down ... here is his review of Lace by Shirley Conran "Superb!, Originally published in 1982 when Conran was 50 years old, this book is as great today as it was when first written. Lavishly descriptive, you will be seduced by the glamour as well as the hard realities that the five women have to endure. Ultimately, it is a book about friendship and what it means to be a woman. Conran writes with heartfelt understanding and accuracy. She is first rate! I believe a wealth of Conran's life experience (and cultural awareness) is evident in the development of the characters. And, I can honestly say as a man, that my understanding and empathy for women has changed for the better. I feel I have shared something of what was in the authors mind and the minds of the characters in this magical book. Thankyou Shirley" and thank you mr gareth!

Andrew, when those bloody royalists open fire, I'll stand back to back with you wielding my sword.

On Casablanca: "I'm pretty sure I will enjoy it a lot more when Warner Bros finally gets around to releasing the colorized version, the way this movie needs to be seen - the world is not black and white, why should our movies be?" Yep, colorized is definitely the way. Jeez.

Can I get off the floor please? The Seven Samurai comment just wastes me. I think we should start inventing some of these and posting them on Amazon. Here's one from Mark: Henry V: The story did not make much sense as I had not seen the previous four films.

On Amelie... "After watching this film, the only thing I can say about it is that it is an over hyped piece of garbage. How people can like this crap is beyond me. There is no real storyline, well, ok there is ONE - a beautiful girl falls in love with a boy who works in a porn shop. There follows a long winded series of chance meetings ad infinitum ad nausea. I forked out £20 for this load of crap. To all the boys out there, if you do watch this with your girlfriend, please have the decency to be honest with her and despite her protestations, tell her how crap this film is."

Catcher in the Rye Rating: 1 - this book has been responsible for so much pain and sufferin, May 18, 2004 A Kid's Review Hi, I've read this book, and I must say that I have read the damage that it caused, according to stories I have read. This book was linked with the murders of John Lennon, and actress Rebecca Schaeffer. How could this book be around, when so many nutcases use it for such things? wonder if the reviewer feels the same way about the bible or the koran

God, the pity of it...I could almost cry over some of these reviews...see religious thread..

On Amelie - how could they. Do they have NO SOUL?????? Good idea to make some up Tony (although nobody could beat the Samurai one could they??) I'm thinking on it, but don't seem to be clever enough to think up something funny (I liked Mark's Henry V) I hate to do this to whoever posted this on about the Complete Sherlock Holmes but I felt it need to be shared with a wider audience (this is exact copy, mistakes and all): 'This book should be considered a required part of living. Now im 18, having visited the shelock holmes museams in london and read sir arthur conan doyles other works, including theatre plays and parodies i can consider myself a complete Connoisseur.'

And this particular favourite on Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: 'Howdy, everybody. Although i haven't read this book, i thought this is a good book from the news media.'

On a dimly related note, check out the reviews of Henry Raddick The Handbook of Meat Production Technology An admirably thorough guide to the tools of the production-line meat processing trade. The superb colour photographs particularly made it a perfect gift for my 15 year old daughter who is showing alarming signs of not becoming vegetarian. Taxidermy, a Complete Manual by John C. Metcalf A fantastic guide to a lost art, and one which has greatly assisted me in the difficult task of reassembling my dearly departed spaniel Barry. First rate. How to Write Your Own Life Story: A Step by Step Guide for the Non-Professional Writer by Lois Daniel, Lois Daneil Life dealt my wife Marjorie a poor hand to begin with, and not much came up on the flop; but thanks to this fantastic guide she is planning on penning a genuinely moving and heartwarming account of triumph over adversity. Or revelling in her own victimhood. It depends on your perspective. Patrick Swayze by Mitchell Krugel A moving and well told memoir though a surprising and disappointing gift to be given by my colleagues after putting in 23 years of hard work at that company.

I love that last one, it nearly killed me. It's the fact that he was kind enough to say 'a moving and well told memoir' first.

Someone on the Tibetan book of dying: 'Face it. At some moment in the near future you will close your eyes for the last time on this world. Death is more certain than retirement - and longer. Like anything else, the more you learn about it and get acquainted with it, the less shocking and scary it will be.' Really?? p.s. Andrew I can't believe you've brought this to my attention. As if I don't struggle enough as it is to keep focussed on the day at hand. This is worse than Tetris.

And we were all wondering why people get tatoos.

I'd LOVE someone to give me the Patrick Swayze book as a leaving present from a job - it would show attention to one of my minor freaky obsessions... It is my life's dream to open up a Patrick Swayze-cum-Eighties-pop theme bar, called Swayze-Fantazy. You'd need to carry a watermelon to get in, the bouncers would be called Myway and The Highway, and it would have a circular dancefloor/creche - why? Because Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner... Oh dear, am blowing my carefully constructed abc persona as a man of judgment and care. What can I say? I just love Swayze. I know it's sick and wrong, but I can't help myself.

Andrew? So you have a freakish obsession with Patrick Swayze. More about this obsession, what is so attractive about him? I admire your grit for even admitting that. He's not held in high regard over here as any significant artistic talent. But, to each his own I suppose.

<> *chuckles quite merrily for a minute or so*

p.s. Andrew I reckon you could make some serious cash out of that venture.

Fergal, I knew somebody would see through that one... I just read your story "5th of August".... Good story btw...., I have to say though, it's just a little creepy but in a good way.

thanks.... creepy in good way is a good thing. Even though it is in the I voice it is definitely not me. oh no.

You should post that on the internet dating thread...I'll scare all the guys off!

Some other made-up ones: Great Expectations, Charles Dickens: It didn't live up to the title. Catch 22, Joseph Heller: So what are Catches 1 through 21? Love's Labour's Lost, William Shakespeare: Shame about the mis-spelling in the title.

Of Mice and Men: I thought there'd be lots of talking animals decked out in felt jerkins and the like. I felt really let down that that there wasn't.

Oranges are not the only fruit - well, duh! That is one of those Jeopardy-esque answers to a question that nobody ever asked. A bit like Ian Van Dahl's "Oh tell me why, do we build castles in the sky?" - well, Ian, I have news for you. Nobody does or did build any castles in the sky. Midnight Oil - how can we sleep while our beds are burning - well, we probably can't. We're either out of bed going ow, ow, ow, or we're suffocating from smoke inhalation, which is not really sleeping. I'll erm, get my coat.

Not funny but this is from the Amazon review for Dan Rhodes wonderful Timoleon Vieta Come Home, one of my favourite books from last year. It was given one star. "If, like me, you are attracted to this book because you're an animal lover, and find the opening paragraphs and cover picture engaging, I advise caution. I don't find this a particularly well executed project, as it attempts to string together a series of tenuously linked stories as a novel, but moreover, I was deeply upset by the exceptionally brutal and graphically depicted demise of the canine hero. Unnecessary. " Old Mr Rhodes seems to encourage bad reviews. His current 'The Little White Car' has garnered a whole heap of really horrible reviews in the national press. 'Shit lit' they are calling it. In fact, it's completely deadpan and brilliant. So what do they know? Just a quick quote - after Estelle and Veronique have watched Elton John sing at Diana's funeral: "That was terrible. An abomination." "I know. What couldn't he have played 'Rocket Man'? That would have been much better."

I wish The Primitives had got the gig... There you go, way too fast, don't slow down, you're gonna crash / you should know, what's been going down, cos you've been running all over town / so shut, shut your mouth / cos I'm not listening anyhow / I've had enough / enough of you / enough to last a lifetime through God, that's apposite on so many levels, I only meant it as a throwaway joke. *Andrew sits back and waits for the royalists to try to savage him, safe in the knowledge that George, at least, is on his side*

What's a royalist?

Oh!! it's not a porno thread.

Biography of Neil Young- 'Shaky' 'Hello.. My name is Graham. I'm a first year Neurobiology student living in London and have just completed my first real websearch as part of some preliminary research on epilepsy.. unfortunately, being new to the net, I have somehow managed to order this book. Can someone tell me if it will help my research in any way.. or should I email the Amazon people?' [%sig%]