To Her Own Reflection, Feedback welcomed

Harry Kerdean I thought it was a powerful piece of writing, my only critism (sorry never can spell that word) is the repeated starting of sentences with she, for instance 'She turned to the television' could maybe be 'Turning to the television she'. But then the starting with the She may have added to the power. What do others think?

i think this has the potential to be a poweful story - but for me i'm afraid it doesn't deliver. It tries to do too much - the mum stuff - detracts from what i think the central theme is, which is this act of cutting your wrists and watching yourself disappear. I would rework it much tighter around this theme. I also suggest you read the work of others to help you develop your writing my favourites Fergal, Tizzmee and Pesky - however there are many very good writers on this site. Have a browse and make some comments. Juliet

I agree, it could be a powerful piece of writing but I would like a little more insight into the reasons why. Keep writing. Lfuller