Jellyfish by Spack

loved this - having an imagination in an office - heaven forbid! i never knew photocopies ran on kryptonite :) Juliet

Great poem! An amusing story, yes, and for me it also came with a melancholic twinge at the end, which I thought balanced it out perfectly. I can’t exactly identify it, but it’s there for sure, even if only to me.

Yep - like the energy in this -repetition works a treat - reminds me...oh dear, never again a wages clerk! Good poem, good story well told - liked it.

It's a bloody villanelle! For dis, I dispatch you, Mr. Spack! I like it a lot. Would have liked it if you'd been able to fit in maybe one or two more examples of him using his imagination though?

I'm with Foster on the melancholia; there's something slightly sad about it. The only thing that jarred it a little for me was the one interjection of 'translucent' into the jellyfish bit in the second stanza; could it either be omitted or perhaps expanded more in each of the following stanzas (eg with another adjective on top of translucent, or something...?) Otherwise, great poem per usual!

Mighty fine poem. I was going to flag this up, but the forum kept logging me off. It's a brave man who embarks on a villanelle with the word Jellyfish in his repeated line. More kudos to you, spacker.

I know what a villanelle is! More or less. Thank you, Mr. Fry (Stephen, that is). Anyway, yes, like it - very good imagery, tragi-comic, rhythmically interesting. Offices can, indeed, drive you mad! :-) * P * :-)

I'm sorry to break ranks, but I thought the first version was much better. The repetition just kills it for me. For me - and this is just my humble opinion - you've taken a sublime image and wrung the bejesus out of it. I loved it as a non sequitur in the middle of a poem - off the cuff, almost - but here, nah... it just feels too laboured. Sorry!

Hello all - thank you very much for all your comments except for Rokkit. He smells. Joke. Jon - You're right - ideally there would be more examples of him using his imagination. If I wrestle with the form a bit more maybe I can squeeze some more in. A villanelle is a bitch to manipulate though. Archergirl and Jem - I was planning to add adjectives each time but then i couldn't think of any more that ended in 'ent'. Oops. I'll try harder. Thanks for the comments. As for you Rokkitnite. Fair play. I agree that the strikingness of the image has been sacrificed. But I really wanted to write a villanelle. And the jellyfish in the watercooler image was the only good line in a pretty rubbish poem - so I plucked it out. As is my wont. Thanks to Lisa for the flag and to Pepsoid, Joel, Littleditty, Foster and Juliet OC for your comments. Cheers, Joe

hey spack I think there is a great poem in here, but the structure hinders its development. I think I'd like to see it unvillanelled, and it'd result in a stronger poem. macca