It's Late

President Lincoln examined the bagel from all sides before picking it up with his fork. Although he had read recently that bagels were an invention for a quick breakfast to be eaten with coffee, he wasn't sure just how much cream cheese constituted a fat bagel as opposed to a skinny one. A few moments later the door to the oval office burst open and an aide dressed in a blue frock coat and high boots dashed in screaming. After Abe had slapped the aide around a bit to calm him down, he offered him coffee and asked what was new. The aide drank three cups of coffee straight down before admitting: "The CSA have invaded Kentucky. They're not supposed to do that for another year or so." "Hmmm. That certainly screws things," Abe commented, standing up and putting on his favorite top hat. "I suppose the English have signed a non-aggression pact with them too?" "Yes, Mr. President." "I suppose we'll have to declare war on England. And France. I never liked their coffee, far too strong," Abe Lincoln added thoughtfully.