Chapter One of The Noise Outside by jaevans

This opens slowly and I was beginning to wonder what on earth it was about, when it really took me. I think it needs to get to the aciton immediately instead of the slow build-up - but it might be the start of something really good. I'm going to follow it for sure:

http://www.abctales.com/story/j-a-evans/chapter-1-the-noise-outside