Cheese and Wine Party for Newcomers ...

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mississippi
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So where's the newbies? We ain't scared 'em off already surely!
Mark
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Yeah, er *mumble*, last time I went to a party *mumble, mumble*, but the paramedics got it of his @!#$.
andrea
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*mumble* Gawd, the shame of it...
Mark
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bottom
egriff
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It's getting late. night draws on. SUddenly! A large figure strolls into party, caped and decorously caparison'd, flanked by Guards . "Hello Honey!" Figure addresses Fish. "I just dropped in to give you a re-ward" he explained :"I am a Lord of the Instrumentality (minor awards division). Honey! you'll be pleased to hear ahm goin' to designate you 'Spinarette of the month' for creatin' a really GREAT thread. Here's yuh prize, Honey! Enjoy!" The grand procession leaves. Fish, speechless, looks down at the thing in her hands.people gather round. "What is it?" someone ventures. Fish draws a breath, then speaks; "it's a bloody gold-painted Southern-fried Cock's Leg, with a silver-painted parson's nose and a tiny-weeny miniature lemmingade flask tied to it" "Fantastic" gasps e-griff - "just don't touch the parson's nose!"
andrea
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*primly* I think these festivities are getting frightfully out of hand, chaps. *dons mantle and prepares to board tram heading in the direction of the Red Light, where events are FAR more decorous*
Paul Morgan (ge...
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Does anyone mind if I bring my wolf in with me?
Liana
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ooh... not me...... i am partial to a little hairy wolfishness....
Paul Morgan (ge...
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That's a new way of describing it... now what about the wolf - it just peed on a lamppost and melted it
Paul
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Hello, I'm the miserable git stood in the corner, you know the one, wears a lot of black, looks like he would rather be sexually molested by weird little aliens, than be forced to dance. Yeah, hi, I'm Paul, usually write under the name Memnoch (cause I like Anne Rice!). I write lots of gloomy, angsty stuff, listen to the Cure, and Nine Inch Nails...No I'm not a goth, but I do know a few. Say Does anyone want to listen to some Aphex Twin? No? Can I have a glass of Orange then? Ta.
Linsi
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If there is a cheese and wine party can I pour the wine? I feel I would be most useful in the "red" department...I am enjoying a rather delicious Merlot at the moment! *mumble mumble*
egriff
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Did andrea just kill our party?
stormy
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hello, I am rather shy and don't really like parties. I'll sit quietly in the corner and watch if that is ok. did anyone bring perrier?
mississippi
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I think he came on his own Stormy!
donignacio
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I have a marachino cherry for you, egriff. This party has really grown. And nobody realized I had been locked in the bathroom for the past 36 hours. (You guys must be able to hold a lot of piss.)
Paul Morgan (ge...
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Liana... why did Tarzan swing on you all through the jungle? Mine's a meths by the way.
faithless
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i found a mars bar in the fridge. result. right. i'm off home.
fish
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*wanders past with glass of neat gin* hey paul ... fancy a dance? ... i do so admire people in black ...
egriff
Anonymous's picture
scene the first: (befuddled NEWBIE slinks across to window and tugs at curtain) "pssst! mister, mister! Have you got the one true ring?" "Sure", a deep voice booms! screaming newbie is dragged behind curtain. scene the next (Voice booms) "WHO WANTS TWIGLETS" its Andrew! Not a-bloody-gen! so anyway , there's this skulking NEWBIE that staggers away with a HANDFULL of twiglets. who can guess how? (don't go there!) the only true thread is 'lemmingade' just hold that to your busoms (flat as they may be (hee-hee) ) Labour, labour! what do you know about Labour? as much as the rest of us I guess, which is not much (wheew! politics! DODGE!) "go, grifffy! you are befuddled"(Harridan) "Yes" (he dies)
Paul
Anonymous's picture
Only if you want to see me try to tunnel through the floor using my fingernails:) Now then, is there a good setee I can lay on the floor behind? I think I'll watch the disco lights in an attempt at self-hypnosis...
Liana
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geordie - naughty boy you. i am an ivy of the finest variety...
mundo
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Hey, if you haven't guessed who I am yet - I am spaghetti Si. About me - 5'11 slightly big built , strange, strange sense of hunour, strange, loves pasta, strange, doesn't do alcohol, smokes, strange and strange. Thinks Missi is a hot catch for any of you ladies out there. adios
hovis
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Hi, sorry I'm late, been getting money out of a cash machine, well that's what I call my ex. Anyway I'm not one for talking so I'm out on the dancefloor (eyes closed, dancing purposefuly with plastic cup in hand, wishing there were more people sober, or I was drunk).
Hulsey
Anonymous's picture
Okay, I'll take the plunge. I'm a virgin living in the north-east of England. Oops, virgin to this site I mean. As I said in an earlier thread I have been writing for only a year and have just discovered this site. You all seem a friendly bunch, if not a touch eccentric. Okay, you're cuckoo, lost the plot, round the bend, etc. I've been ever so busy recently having just completed my fifth novel and am about to assign it to the slush pile. I will now have more time to read some of your work and put the stories to the names. I'm married with three sons and am a strapping steelworker. (Honest.) A typical spare day for me comprises of writing for twelve hours and then it's down to the boozer. Anyway I've uploaded a few short stories but am puzzled as to how you view your ratings. As I write this I've just got in from watching the Boro beat Fulham and am on a high. Well, where's the wine?
Mark
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Fourteen years in a turkish prison *mumble, mumble*, 10 police to prise the dog's jaws open, *mumble, mumble*, pants had to be cleaned of course.
badstar
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i'm not new but i've just come :)
Hoxtoneye
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Just popped out nto the car to pick out some tapes - the music needs livening up a bit. Right, whats it to be, Mud, The Sweet, Middle of the Road, Dana........?
richard
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ive finished all my red :O( onto the cider i goooooo
Mark
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Stick them up your *mumble*
veryoldmartin_t
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...feels ancient seeing all these young lambs quaffing all the wine.....might just take a quick sit down.....oooh me farmers are playing up........can't do that....I'll just stand in the corner over there...with stormy...
beef
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*encourages veryoldmartin_t to try a spot of table dancing, to stiffen those joints* *puts on YMCA and flails arms wildly*
Linsi
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Stormy, I don't believe it! you shy? Even though I did not attend the recent abc thang, I have reason to belive (by perusing the forums) that you are NOT the shy retiring type....stop pretending !!!!!! :O)
egriff
Anonymous's picture
I just popped back to check for loose cherries. everybody got enough lemmingade? good! I'm off now - too late for me! If this party's still going tomorrow, I may come back with some comestibles. Done my bit today! I avoided a near Imperial contravention - held the Imperium together, saved the 'NEWBIEVERSE' and had my tea. Phew!
egriff
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Oh, and here's some Kentucky fried Cock's legs - they're a bit cold, but nice and chewy. Word of advice - spit out the parson's nose!
Hoxtoneye
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O.K. me next. I'm Eamonn, and have just returned to London after living in Leicester for over 20 years. I swear to tell the truth, not necessarily the whole truth, and a few porkies. I've been on the site since December. I'm over 28. I have a wide centre parting. I train people in computer-thingy-microsoft-programme-stuff I'm waiting for chick-lit to be replaced by old-git-lit Stephens shirts are tasteful Jeffrey Archer is innocent
faithless
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okay. i bought my own fags and i won't drink lambrusco, i might ride one, but i won't drink one. i am a meek and socially-challenged ex-rock star who, being pisces with scorpio ascending, is a profligate and immature dandy... i am enormously successful in every area of my life except money, stability, personal relationships, career and family life... i am five foot nine in my o neil trainers and i have tight buttocks...so i have been told.. i came to abctales about six months ago but was warned off for exhibiting my projectile personality, i am back, a tadge wiser, and.... this cheese is tesco value cheddar!!!..so i am doing my best to reign in my fervent impatience with this whole social scene thang...and succeeding... waitrose is heaven. tesco is purgatory. martin.
fish
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well what a lovely party ... i am so glad you all turned up ... cynics be damned ... abc is a friendly place for party animals ... now WHERE has that KFC bucket gone?
Tom Saunders
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My name is Tom and I'm a melancholic. I'm short, fat and old and I'm partial to a pint now and then, not to mention (although I'm just about to) a nip of malt whisky when the moon is full and the mood is on me. I like people with a GSOH and a liberal, not to say lax, point of view. I also think Pringles, being all the same shape, are boring. The thing about traditional crisps is that, shape-wise and size-wise, you never know what you're going to get - hey, there's a good line: "life is like a bag of crisps." I like to hang out by the fridge at parties. I do not like leeks or celery. I'm a jazz fan, a musician (of sorts), I have a triffic wife and four cats and I sometimes swear at the TV.
egriff
Anonymous's picture
I vote the 'Cheese and wine party for Newbies' should become a permanent fixture! MOre than a thread - a knitted bedjacket!
Ralph Dartford
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Hi I am Ralph. Also known as the 'Spanner in the works.' Good to see hundreds of newcomers have joined this thread. Hasn't worked has it girls? Clique me up Scotty. You reap what you sew. Perhaps a lesson here. Ralph x
fish
Anonymous's picture
what on EARTH are you on about ralph? you said a big pile of nonsense on the bbc thread too which seemed to suggest some secret dealings which only you were privy to ... in fact there ARE new names on this thread ... but if you insist on posting stuff like the above then people WILL be put off ... now get yourself some nice lambrusco and behave ... there's a dear ...
stormy
Anonymous's picture
could you spin the pointy thing on your way out griffy? I'm a little stiff in this position. *guffaw from toilet humour crowd at "a little stiff"* *sarcy 'I wish you were a stiff' from dark humour crowd* *'Don't play twister by yourself' from sensible non-drinking types* *'mumble' from paul type* nice party, fish. shame the fruit flavoured condoms got eaten by the lemmings. They could choke to death.
Liana
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yes, quite a success, wouldnt you say? :o))
evie
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My name is Evie. I have magic mushrooms
Stephen Gardiner
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Well I'm sure you will be popular at our little party. You'll be wanting some warm Lambrusco to wash down the shrooms. Care for a game of naked Twister?
Judith
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Good morning, my name is Judith although people usually call me Jude or "fascist stupid-head"I am one of 6 reluctant offspring of a south African immigrant and an Englishman. Criminal tendencies run on both sides of my family. I grew up in leafy Surrey where I began to detest the English bourgeoise, and drink heavily. Raised a catholic, I have at various points in my life embraced all the major worlds religions. I studied Biological Science at uni, specialising in invertebrate zoology, and I now work in the Science publishing industry where I enjoy lots of trips abroad and best of all don't have to wear a suit to work. I'm 25 years old but feel older. I enjoy eating lots of clam chowder and don't think its available in enough eateries in this country.
evie
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I meant it as a medical condition. My doctor told me `no naked twister, it will frighten people`.
Aridayle
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I'm a very late-comer to this party, but that's ok, coz by now you should all have passed out and I can swipe the remnants of your alcohol and play all my favourite CDs. Hi, I'm Aridayle (please, call me Ari), I'm 18, I've been on the site nearly a year now, I write prose and poetry (I'll leave you to judge how well), I like Aftershock and drink it by the gallon, or would if I could afford it. I'm not insane, clinically or otherwise, but most of the people I consort with are. I enjoy cavorting and carousing, and I made up a song about Whipsnade Zoo last night. Oh, and on Friday I made up one about noodles. I'll sing 'em if you ask nicely.
egriff
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HERE I AM!!! I 'm a genuine 'newbie' just 5 days old!!! OOPs, now everyone's looking at me, I'll just slink away to the corner as all the others seem to know each other -where's my hip flask? Ralph - you should read the first message in this thread. I was impressed! (He's even more cynical than me, folks) I once joined H2G2 (don't ask) but was put off there by a cliquey set who talked a different language and condescended. (For those of you who understand, my best 'bons mots' were 'VENUS - MOSTLY ARMLESS' and 'The restaurant at the end of the cul-de Sac') Any way, here's a fifty-something old bloke lurching to the corner and looking down. e-griff.com
Paul Morgan (ge...
Anonymous's picture
Ari, Don't worry about being late for the party, I think it could be like "The longest and most destructive party ever held...now into its fourth generation and still going strong" (Chap. 21 of "Life, the Universe and Everything") BTW I'm not convinced by Liana's denial of her relationship with Tarzan.

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