what do you think you could do better than those who are already doing it?

I could choose more interesting books to read than the majority that are on my 3rd year reading list.

I think I'd rock as a porn star. I'd bring a sense of pathos hitherto unknown in skin flicks, turning prosiac five-girl romps into tragi-comic Beckett-esque commentaries on the absurdity of human existence.

Waiting for Woodot, Rokkit? Visit my blog: http://whatisthisstrangeplace.blogspot.com/

I would make a good cinema usherette. I have got my own torch, and am very good at telling people how films end just as they are sitting down to watch them.

I am fairly convinced that I could lay those little orange traffic cones on the road better than the funny looking guy in the back of the truck I followed home last night. It's not a bug...it's a feature.

I'm fairly sure I could do a better job of having ill founded, boring opinions than Tony Parsons and Richard Littlejohn. Are you listening red tops? "I have always found it difficult to listen to intellectual arguements in the place of common decent action. While it may be better for some women to stay at home, it's obviously important that some go out to work. It's not like it was when our parents were children. Where has common decency gone? I blame the celebrity culture of things like Heat and Pop Idol. Which I love as much as the next man. It pains me to say, but the time has come to round them up like pigs and shoot them like dogs." Cheers, Mark Brown, Editor, www.ABCtales.com

Reckon I could write better help files for computer programs, on the basis that none have ever been any help to me whatsoever, and I'm sure I could come up with at least a couple of useful pointers.

I think I could do a better job of the "before" pictures in adverts. Visit my blog: http://whatisthisstrangeplace.blogspot.com/

Oh, I think I could do a far better job of fucking this country up than the present encumbents. (I could also make the word 'banned' actually mean it too)

advertising! I'm a genius at advertising, simple as that. I spend many a happy/sad hour picking the bones out of crap adverts... ahem... vodafone: the conversations you're showing last 3 SECONDS not 3 minutes, why not just say a 'short' conversation? t-mobile: there are FIVE dots in your logo and your jingle is FIVE notes long and yet, by some staggering miscalculation, you show the logo, and play the jingle as the FOURTH DOT lights up and then back to the first and so on until you're left with, surprise, an extra note of the jingle!!!! 5 notes- 5 DOTS.. who's paying you? Norwich Union: If I rang and insurance firm and just said, "It's a hatchback now quote me happy" and they gave me a quote of any kind then they'd be the least professional insurance company in the fookin world!!! everybody knows you have to show your grandma's dental records and give every detail of every waking thought you've ever had just to be put through to a human when it comes to insurance!!!!! there are about ninety three more examples but I'm hopping mad now so I'd better stop.

I'd be a much better film reviewer than almost all other film reviewers (but especially Mark Kermode) I'd be a better line editor than whoever does channel 4 news, but then so would a blind puppy with ADD

All Greek to me. Visit my blog: http://whatisthisstrangeplace.blogspot.com/

I DO make better hummus than Sainsburys. I could be a far better aging rock star than any other aging rock star (except possibly Keith Richard). I'd be eager to cavort and roll my belly across the stage. I'd drink too much and the rest. I'd say outrageous things, visit world leaders, tell them to do stuff and then do the opposite myself. I'd just be whizz. Shame I can't sing a note or play any kind of musical instrument.

For one tin of chick peas: Open can, rinse chick peas, stick in blender. Add two teaspoons of tahini, one large or two small cloves of garlic, couple of tablespoons of water, large slurp of olive oil, half a large slurp of lemon juice. Add in couple of good turns of the black pepper mil, a pinch of sea salt. Whizz up. Add more water, olive oil and lemon juice in roughly the same proportion until the consistency is correct - should be sticky but smooth - just about to go runny. We live on this stuff - I make it at least twice a week so just do it without thinking these days. It's v. easy and utterly glorious - and a load better (and cheaper) than Sainsburys.

Old rock stars don't make hummus, Tony. Or quiche. Visit my blog: http://whatisthisstrangeplace.blogspot.com/

I don't think I would want to eat hummus that someone has (ahem) whizzed, whether up down or sideways. Waiting for Woodot sounds interesting. Will that be straight to DVD?

* I am sure i could be a better casting agent than whoever chose the drear keira for pride and prejudice ...* I agree Fish, and who on earth decided not to have Colin Firth as Mr Darcy...preposterous.

Grrr...why is it taking soooooo long for my comments to post?

I think there might be a National Theatre production first, Justyn. Of course there will have to be more than two acts. Visit my blog: http://whatisthisstrangeplace.blogspot.com/

I noticed that Ian Wright on BBC TV last night was saying that the animated Middlesborough manager (Steve McLaren?) looked as if he was the England manager and Sven Goran Errikson looked like some guy in a suit at the back. Has Ian Wright inadvertantly hit on the problem. Middlesborough have won nothing. Errikson has won a lot. Anyway if I were England manager I would take a wage cut, I would only take a quarter of what Errikson is taking. Yes I would survive on a paltry 1 million quid a year. I would bring in Lawrie Sanchez and Alan Curbishley as right and left hand men. I would make Faria Alam my secretary and we would work on tactics. And I'd let Sanchez and Curbishley work on the football.