Xy Chapters 3 & 4

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Tue, 2006-01-10 16:29

Xy Chapters 3 & 4

For those who have begun to read my story the next two chapters are up. I really appreciate the time and effort it takes to read and provide feedback, so thanks in advance, and don't forget if you have a novel you wish me to read please send me a link via my contact page.

http://www.abctales.com/node/547911 Xy A world without men: Chapter 3 & 4

http://www.abctales.com/node/547874 Xy A world without men: Chapter 1

http://www.abctales.com/node/547886 Xy A world without men: Chapter 2

Juliet.

Wed, 2006-01-11 13:16

tcook

Juliet - I'm really enjoying this. It's a good read and the theme is handled sensitvely and imaginatively. I think it needs some chopping down - I can see things coming too far off - and it needs some twists in there. I wasn't so happy with Chapter 4 - I felt that it was all too obvious from what had been before. It's clearly leading to the revolution but we knew that that had already happened. Descriptively it's excellent - I love Petal's daydreams - either her drifting away whilst she is out or her 'dream' of the 'angel?' whilst Angel is sleeping on her. Keep going to the end and then come back and chop away. If you go back now you'll never reach the end! It's a darn good start!

Wed, 2006-01-11 16:15

Juliet OC

Thanks for your comments - the story is complete as a first draft so all editorial points are greatly appreciated. However i am posting up the new chapters as i edit them (1st edit) and i don't want to bombard any readers by overwhelming them. In defence of chapter 4, and subsequent chapters of Anna's i didnt want to shy away from explaining exactly how men became extinct and its affect on the population at the time. Hence Anna's story. However as her story progresses it begins to parallel Petal's and therefore chapter 4 not only introduces Anna a main protaganist - but also provides the history of Petal's present. But i take your comments on board and will be interested (if you want to keep reading) on how chapter 4 fits in to the picture when more of Anna's story is revealed. In terms of twists/conflcits they begin in chapter 5 onwards. Chapters 1-4 setting the scene of normalcy for Petal and for Anna, before the pace begins to pick up towards the various cliff hangers and resolutions. Thank you once again for your comments. Juliet

Juliet

Wed, 2006-01-11 16:49

tcook

I'll keep reading - it's worth it. I hope others will too and comment.

Wed, 2006-01-11 17:05

Juliet OC

Know i havent, i havent really read much sci fi, though i guess I am strongly influcenced by Margaret Atwoods a Handmaids tale. However i will check it out, is it still in print do you know Pesky? Juliet

Juliet

Wed, 2006-01-11 17:06

Juliet OC

ty for not giving up on it Juliet

Juliet

Wed, 2006-01-11 17:41

Juliet OC

ty Pesky i'lll get on to Amazon, it sounds like my kind of book by your brief description, i am currently in the middle of a fine balance Rohinton Mistry, so will read it after that. Do you have any particular stories you would like some feedback on? I am more than willing Juliet

Juliet

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