Is there a 'good' way to dump someone?

When I was seventeen I was dumped by the lovely Patsy from Gants Hill. She told me that she wasn't seeing anyone else, but the following evening I saw her with another guy that I knew, snogging in the queue for the Cinema. If I close my eyes I can still feel the desolation. But I'm not bitter. And if you're reading this Pats, I hope your bum is sagging like a hammock full of cement!

I've spent couple of hours in the bath still trying to work out a synthesis we could all embrace after reading what that bad Justyn Thyme had to say..some kind of climactic and sudden mutual understanding and respect. After that i intend to smack the world with my new theory of meta-thesis but i might need some help with this Jeff Prince. Any ideas would be welcome.

I don't know if there is a good way to break bad news. If you put it all down in a letter, at least you can put your point across in a thoughtful way. Text messaging and emailing is a bit cold, heartless and uncalled for. Face to face is probably *best*, but beware of it backfiring as they steadily talk you into taking them back. Do a quick face to face then out the door as quick as possible. Then perhaps follow up with a letter expanding upon the reasons for the dumping. Or buy them a dump cake.

It's a nice idea George, if only it were true...

Leave the door open but the room empty...causes a great deal of unnecessary pain and is very, very cruel

Not really. Don't do it with a long list of reasons and/or complaints though as that only serves to make the dumped feel worse and lower their self esteem further. After all, it is only the decision that counts and if you cared enough you would look past them. Do it as soon as you are sure that is what YOU want and hence are not going to mess them about. Do not linger. As for the dumped, accept the decision and do not search for reasons from the other person. If they cared enough, they would not leave and that is all you need to know. Respect their decision as you would expect others to respect yours, if the tables were turned. Do not even try to change their mind, the pain will pass and you will move on.... if you let it. If you shared something special once, let it remain so. Do not taint once happy memories with subsequent bitterness, you are only being unfaithful to yourself, and that causes YOU problems in future relationships. We are only here for a short time, so leap at any chance of happiness you can. Remember that everything is transient (especially feelings) so enjoy a shared emotion whilst it is there. Try and leave expectation out of it, that way you will appreciate what is being shared even more. Watch out against taking anything for granted... especially trust. Also importantly, whilst guarding against becoming an emotional parasite yourself, recognise the traits and try and keep away from people who show signs of this behaviour.

IT IS, IT IS!

Has your wife doubled her prozac intake yet since you moved back in 1leg?

Not that I am aware.... but my dosage has gone up which is probably why I am so cheery... Happy New Year!

It's come to my attention that i appear to be one of the few people in this country who aren't on prozac. Is it a club? Is it fun? Does it mean you can spend your entire unnatural life in denial. Think i'll take up marijuana again -it's natural and enlightening and definitely fun...ummmm, yeahhh Happy New Year

Well i started out on marijuana, was fine.. stopped smoking it... wasnt fine... went on to prozac - *definitely* wasnt fine, switched to several different mood stabilisers, not only wasnt fine but went utterly loopy, came off all, switched back to marijuana, am now fine.....

good for you..and glad you said that 'cause i was starting to consider joining the wrong club...so thanks

no probs... avoid prozac like the plague i reckon... its a candy floss sticking plaster for all that is shitty in life...sort out what is wrong with your life is best, then relax with a spliff or two when youre feeling better :o)

.... yes, just don't make spliffs a habit too. Drugs are fine if used intelligently and sparingly. And no, I am not on Prozac though it may seem so sometimes.

Leg in Marijuana U Turn Shocker!

Must be the prozac kicking in

We didn't want War. We don't want Wars. Life is precious. It's after midnight, sweet dreams ; )

intelligently and sparingly, ie to enhance pleasure but not as an escape from anything...

thats not what you told me before... that was always *my* argument which you refused to accept... remember?

they tried to put me on prozac ... *grins dangerously*

Is everybody on drugs here?

He might be a she.

Personally I don't like marijuana... not keen on the smell for one. Marijuana long term abuse has been scientifically linked to triggering of schitzophrenia (and I have seen this at close hand too) so dislike when people say it is a 'harmless' drug.. Marijuana culture tends to engender a particular culture of paranioa and pathos that blights long term ambition and creativity, in other words, take marijuana regularly, and your whole outlook on life, politics etc is predictable (Is that not a scary thought if you value your mind and free will?) Then again, I use alcohol occasionally and in principle cannot see anything wrong in controlled use and experimentation with drugs.... the key here is you in control of it rather than the other way round. The problem with drugs (proscribed and prescribed) is that too many people see this as an 'easy way around' lifes occasional difficulties... in truth it can never be a solution as all you are doing is prolonging the moment of reckoning... by then it is often too late as you have wasted vast amounts of life in stupor and stupidity... There, no u turn at all and lecture serves u right for baiting me on my favourite subject.

thats not at all what you said to me once.. there are aspects of what you previously argued there, for sure.. but the main stance of that post above is my OWN leg, and i suspect you know it...

...and the smell of marijuana is infinitely preferable to a stale gob breathing tetleys at you...

beer, that is of course... :o)

Perhaps, you have come around to my way of thinking.. Liana? Or is it the turning around the corner to 40... hee hee. Yes tetley gobs smell awful...

no, i am not forty yet leg... perhaps you were influenced by my persuasive (though youthful) argument so totally, that you absorbed it as your own quite unwittingly eh?

O.K. I understand now, 'he/she' is after George!!!!!!!!!

Then why did you all burn your bras? Why did you start the war of the sexes?

I would be happy to write all the -thesis words on a board in different colours, to help out, tan63.

Yeah Liana. Right. I can now distinctly it remember being so... it must be advancing memory loss.

I watch the Sopranos and they seem to be very handy when it comes to finding innovative ways of dumping people

Mr lecherous, small bag, big hole Mr shape-shifter, welded casket, dark loft Mr right-turned wrong, floaty slipper, wheelie bin Mr current...moving to larger premise [%sig%]

I too remember having similar discussions with The Preacher..funny how some people (usually blokes, surprise, surprise) take what you said long ago (which so infuriated them at the time), regurgitate it and pretend it's a product of their own creative thought. Listen up you men that are incapable of listening - women have long had things worth saying that were trivialised at the time and then turned into men's creations. It happens all the time. One day soon you might find we stop imparting our wisdoms to you altogether and then 'society' will be surely doomed to extinction. (i am of course describing a particular type of man!)

Don't be silly, George. We burnt out bras 'cos they're bloody uncomfortable things to wear - what other reason could there possibly be?

The best way I ever heard - my buddy Dan was trying to dump the girl he was seeing as gently as possible but - after three or four gentle hints she just was not getting the message so - what Dan did was - he put Different drum by the Lemonheads on his turntable and instructed the girl in question to "pay very close attention to the lyrics . . ." Which begin: You and I travel to the beat of a different drum . . . Rock'n'roll dumping . . . Love it!

Well there was obviously something else behind the bra-burning or there wouldn't be such a big market for them now, not least , the highly imaginative if uncomfortable looking items in Anne Summers window. It's no use you lot trying to make out that 'war' is a male control. The oldest war in the world is that between us intelligent, inquisitive, inventive lot on the one hand, and all you professional 'shop 'til you drop' headache merchants on the other.

ok, what do you do if you are dumped by telephone (of course, cos dumper doesn't live in your town). And dumper owes you money?? Do you: a) let it slide (even though you are now in debt to your bank and you could have bought nearly 2 MP3 players with the money) b) keep calling asking for it even though the dumper is incommunicado i.e. not answering texts, phonecalls etc. c) get a member of your family round to beat the money out of the dumper. d) any other suggestions?

Ask yourself whether being rid of the sponging geek is better than having that money... sounds to me as if it is. The things i have kissed goodbye to simply because the thought of seeing someone again turns my stomach, you wouldnt believe...

i like the phrase 'sponging geek' but actually i kind of do want to see him again...it's funny though cos i never thought he would act like this in a million years. how can you be so wrong about people??

i think people want to avoid a bit of emotional pain particularly if they are the cause of it ... so it might not be the money he is avoiding but the fact that you will make him feel bad ... and lets face it ... why not??? dumping by phone is horrible but sometimes necessary ... i dumped someone by phone once who tried to delay the whole business by wanting to talk face to face ... no way i chirruped and dumped him anyway and have never spoken to him or seen him since ... the return of items is an interesting one ... i like to return things as i have no interest in keeping them after the event ... once a complete weirdo i was going out with responded to my dumping by demanding back the most ridiculous things including some non functioning hi fi he had given one of the kids ... i quite enjoyed taking them all round early one morning and catching him in his dressing gown and handing those things to him one by one ... nice closure ... this all raises an interesting question for me which is ... if you dont want to be that persons friend after the relationship is over does that mean you dont want them as a friend and if so what were you doing with them in the first place? fish (nearly 40 and not friends with any exes)

well i am nearly 40 and friends with almost all my significant exes... i think sometimes that a relationship changes.. you begin to see different things in that person - sometimes you are in a relationship purely because of the lust factor, and once that has burned out, you are left with little else - or maybe they were not the person that you thought they were, in whatever way - these kinds of people you would not sustain friendships with... sometimes when you have dumped, the other person is too proud or whatever to want to even hold a civil conversation, which strikes me as odd...i know that the signif. exes i have that are still friends, are friends because there were things that i loved about them, but not enough to continue in a relationship as their girlfriend/wife, and the same goes for them i've no doubt. my first husband and i are great friends - married young and (both realised) in error... my second husband and i are most Definitely Not... (guess who dumped who, and who didnt approve?) March, you should ask yourself why you still want to see this bloke... is it really to get the stuff back, or are you thinking that there must be some reason that he is behaving this way... out of his control? Sometimes, there isnt. People (men and women both) can be complete arseholes, and also unwilling to face up to emotional confrontation, as fish says. If i were you Id let it drop... if he isnt answering calls or emails etc, then hes not worth it.

There is no such thing as an amicable relationship with previous partners as far as I'm concerned, as the last one is about to find out.

I resent being lumped together with the 'shop 'til you drop' headache merchants! For shame! I hate shopping and rarely have a headache :-)

yeah i know i should let it drop...even though it pains me. i just don't like the fact that he's going to get away with this. some people should have warnings embedded in their skin or something. My friend and I thought up the notion of having romance police...and giving him some kind of punishment, also he should have a criminal record... it's a silly idea really but i like it!

the best dumping i heard of was my sister, she told her b/f as the tube doors were closing....he was on the train, she wasn't.....

Well I never include you Cloggie cos I know you do your own thing, I was referring to the pink frilly dress and designer underwear lot.

I wouldn't know; I've never dumped anybody but there's been one or two relationships which weren't going anywhere which ended by mutual consent, unfortunately one was an engagement. I think that, (particularly if you're in the market for a new relationship) you should try and build good platonic friendships with the opposite sex. This has loads of advantages a) your life partner might just be in there after all b) you'll come over as attractive to the opposite sex c) you can pass your latest partner across for rigourous evaluation by his/her peers. Guys who want to borrow money from women are NO GOOD, however charming they may appear. Uncle Neil is available for FREE consultations of the heart! [%sig%]

Hey Marchy where have you been hiding, i hope things are tickety boo with you, sorry to hear about another toerag taking advantage of your good nature, you'll have to learn one day poppit and give them a swift kick.