New Year's Eve
Posted by Highhat on Mon, 31 Dec 2012
Here I am -still alone. I would like to drink some champagne tonight but don't have any and don't really see the point. It's only going to be me and then Oskar's dog. He will be good company but I am tired of my own company- Christmas, my birthday and now New Year's Eve. I wouldn't mind going to a party though. I lead such a dull life. But that is my own choice. Mostly I keep to myself. I'm too self-conscious around people- never really got rid of that feeling. I suppose it is immature but I am awkward around real life people. I seem to feel much better when communication is in writing. I really feel as though I can control myself better and life seems not as rough and less complicated. I do love to see my sisters - but they know me and everything about my life. Not that I try to hide the real facts- just don't care to talk about them and they invariably surface when you are around others. Like "what do you do for a living?" " I am on disability benefits and have been for 22 years"- then people don't know what to say.I think they think- if she's been ill for that many years ,why isn't she dead yet? I don't know what they think. I'm not interested. Not in real-life people I have nothing in common with. Who just may feel sorry for me and never read a word I have written. I think the next time someone asks I am going to say "I am a poet" and see what their reaction is. Yes I'll do that.