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I’m not normal me. I can’t bear to be in the same room as Jeremy Kyle. I want to smash his face in. I really do. I know it will never happen. But that doesn’t stop me hating him. Switch off the telly, turn it over, and watch something else. It’s as simple as that. He doesn’t do any harm. It’s only a laugh. I’m not laughing. What has made Jeremy Kyle a very rich man has been peddling other people’s misery. Imagine hosting a musical evening for...

I am almost tempted to rate this my film of the year. The children's tale about the marmalade-loving bear from darkest Peru. Very clever movie. Set in the fictional film set of London we all know, Paddington keeps the slapstick humour and childlike warmth of the original and resonates with echoes about 'where's home?',and the need to sometimes take risks. It captures the strangeness of being a creature in a strange environment. The last 6 days I...

Some really good news - the Afghanistan Taliban has condemned the attack on the school in Pakistan; this will bring some good cheer for their families at this time of year. Maybe they'll put mini coffins underneath their Christmas trees. Seriously though: that part of the world is feudal and this is just one gang lambasting another one, and when the oil's gone we won't give a damn. Bring it on. They're discussing on The Wright Stuff, would you...

Over the past few months ABCtales has helped turn two of its members into published authors. A third member – Jack O’Donnell (also known as Celticman) – is about halfway to publishing his Lily Poole with Unbound . This novel is a moving portrait of working class life in Scotland. It’s supernatural – but it’s much more than a simple ghost story. It's also about family, the social services, community and the way Scotland is now. If you haven’t...

The list of pieces cherried since last Friday is the longest that it has been for ages. Well done. Bee's 'Empty' is the poem of the week : http://www.abctales.com/story/bee/empty and Noo's outstanding pick of the day 'Peacock Music for the Bastard Saint' is promoted to story of the week: http://www.abctales.com/story/noo/peacock-music-bastard-saint This weeks inspiration point 'Humble Beginnings' - the loosest of interpretations is encouraged...

DV8 Physical Theatre Company interviewed 50 men about life and love. They decided there was 1 man whose story they had to tell using word-for-word reported speech, acting and mime. John is the classic 'man of constant sorrow, seen trouble all his days', to borrow words from a Country song. His life is the standard tale of woe, childhood misery followed by drink, heroin,and the long-lost son who does not want to know when he discovers Dad has...

Yeh, I know, it’s that time of year when they show old films and wheel out stories about the Angel of Mons, and of our boys in the trenches singing Kristlenacht with the Huns and kicking a ball about no man’s land. Or that old Capra favourite It’s A Wonderful Life in which George Bailey (Henry Ford) wishes he’d never been born. I’m from Clydebank, so I know how he feels. One of the key scenes which establishes George Bailey’s creditability is...

[Vintage] Raymond Carver (2009 [1993] will you please be quiet? (2009 [1993]) what we talk about when we talk about love . I’ve read some of these stories before. From the latter collection, for example, Why Don’t You Dance? This has everything you need in a short story and the premise is simple enough to make sense and complex enough to leave the reader asking questions. Simply put, you don’t have to eat a whole orange to know it’s an orange...

Two wonderful Picks of the Week today. Story of the Week goes to Noo's beautiful piece inspired by Iggy Pop and love_writing's stunning Black Fog was a no-brainer for Poem of the Week: http://www.abctales.com/story/noo/skylines-and-angels http://www.abctales.com/story/lovewriting/black-fog For this week's Inspiration Point I am nicking the idea from Noo. Take a song and go from there - anyway you fancy. Good luck!

Command forms in writing are written with an exclamation mark. Keep out the boozer! Old dogs bite too! Carpe diem! Fuck there’s old Pat Powell! Drop dead! Yes, he did the last of these yesterday. My brother Bod phoned to tell me. He was going to go up and see him, but like many other things in life something else came up. Old Pat would have understood. They say when people stop eating that’s their time’s up. In old Pat’s case it was probably...