Eyes of the Lynx

THIS FAMILY TREE IS CROOKED
___________________________

As I stand here gazing upon
A row of trees nearing their demise
My mind is overcome by a barrage
Of paralyzing truths
That have contaminated my spirit
Like a river transposing itself
Into an infested swamp
Nonetheless, the sight before me
Whispers to my imagination

This family tree is crooked:
What compels ones sister
To seduce another sisters husband?
Just yesterday they were sharing
Clothes and make-up
Today they share the same lover

The tree has become withered:
Susie flees from home again
While Uncle Jake is far too under
The chains of influence to notice
I thought children came first
Then alcohol was second

That tree has shaded to grey:
Tony searches for drug money
While Aunt Sara looks
For a new husband at
The corner tavern again
However, I did not know
That new uncles were so easy to find

The branches are twisted:
Mommy never kissed Santa Claus
On Christmas eve night,
Instead, Aunt Sharon was kissing
Her husbands brother under the mistletoe
After everyone went to sleep
Or so they thought,
An old song takes on a new meaning

All the leaves have fallen:
Great grandmother loved telling
Stories of the family history
But I see now why
She left some tales untold

So I wonder,
Who planted these trees?

FATHER, MOTHER, DESTINY
------------------------------------
I forgive you mother and father
For your mistakes
Will I be forgiven for mine?
They say the sins of the parents
Shall be visited upon the children
So they have visited
And I embraced them
In times of uncertainty
And ran from them in
In moments of clarity

Surely as the stone goes rolling
Down a steep slope
I too have fallen
And landed on bottom
Only to brush myself off
To attempt yet another perilous climb
A venture to the top
Where I truly believed
Love and safety could be found
In a parents embrace

Destiny however had another plan
Because I continued to ignore
What the universe had in store
So I climbed
And so I fell

Perhaps it was my own pain
That kept me trying in vain
For I could not foresee
That you suffered as well
How could offer something
That you were never given?

The flowers will not bloom
Without the water
But what if you never received the water
To give in the first place?
Now I understand mother and father

(pause)

Fixate over what cannot be changed
Bang your fists on stone
It is your hands that will bruise
Scream to the moon
Yell to the stars
Until your voice weakens
Drink yourself into oblivion
To suffer a sobering reality

Inflict your soul
With the blade of self-hatred
Ultimately your heart alone will ache
So you will climb
And so you shall fall

Although I will no longer
Try to take
Clearly what cannot be given
Your love and safety
Always will be hungered for

But I have become a spiritual warrior
Amid a world full of harsh realities
And self serving persons
I have learned to give myself
The water for the flowers

Love can still be ascertained
The outside is cold
But the inside is warm
And in here
I found what lay dormant
Waiting to spring forth

Now the inevitable time has arrived
To put the burning question to rest
What would life have been like with you?
The universe apparently has another design

(pause)

Perhaps in the next life
On another world
In some other time
There will be a new plan

In the meantime
Let go and stop ascending
An unattainable hill
From which you will fall
Yes, the pain will still survive
But it is love for myself
That gives me the strength to be alive

So I forgive you mother and father
For your mistakes
All that I ask in return
Is forgive me for mine
For I too am only human

RUGGED MAN
-----------------------

So it has been said
To live the life of a man
Is to show no feeling

But I pose these questions
Who has said this?
For with this person
I wish to converse
And where is it written?
Point me in the direction

Across the expanse of time
Man has endured his many roles:
Hunters on the prairies
Devoted disciples to their Messiahs
Fighting gladiators in Roman arenas
Mighty pharaohs adorned and worshipped
Protectors of the home
Victors over the battlefield
Cowboys during the wild west
Bikers in the desert terrain

We have filled our assigned duties
But somewhere along the way
In the evolution of man
Some translation has went astray¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦..

(pause)

Come closer¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦

(pause)

And hear a man breeaatthh
Pace your head upon my chest
Listen to my heart thummppp
Slice my skin
Watch the blood slowly oozzzeee
Burden my back
And surely it will snaaapp

Give me a chance and you will see
I have muscles
But a heart as well
Man is not of stone
But of flesh and of bone

I will wrap my arms around you
To provide safety and warmth
But where will I turn in time of need?
And never, never, let them see you cry

Remember,
To gaze upon a rugged man
Is to see the hair on his face
Sweat on a creased forehead
And a will that won't break

But consider for a moment,
Seeing beyond what you have
Been conditioned to see
Look past the exterior
Into the depths of his soul,
You will see what I see

So I ask again,
Who said that a man
Has no feeling?
Where is it written?

_______________________

Portraits of evil/That haunting lavender prequel

You can not help when passing that old apartment building on the corner of Franklin And Rose avenue but to stop and stare, and at the same time to tremble a bit upon feeling the eerie presence the building so readily radiates, many have wandered about it's past, and what dark secrets lie within¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦

It was snowing exceedingly heavily
On that fateful day
The newlyweds moved
Into their first home
A place where Alexandra
Believed dreams would flourish

However, the coldness of that day
Along with the cloudy overcast
Due to the vicious snowstorm
Was an undetected omen
Gone unnoticed by Alexandra
But she should have foreseen it,
Funny how love can blind you

Indeed in the beginning
The first months proved blissful
Darren her husband
Worked diligently on their business
The selling of exquisite gems
And fine scented perfumes

Alexandra spent her time
Painting beautiful portraits
Of places she hoped to see
One day when finances were more lucrative
But, the foreboding sensation of loneliness
That echoed through the air
Continued to remain unacknowledged

A good devout wife
Darren showered her with gifts
Especially bottles of fine expensive Lavender
That was worn regularly
Emitting a sweet fresh scent
To bewitch and bedazzle a man's senses
Things were truly joyous then
Even that ominous air of perpetual loneliness
And cold hovering above was easily disregarded¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦

II

The great depression of the twenties began,
Despite Darren's extended work hours
The business's revenue gradually began to decline
As Alexandra continued to paint

Aside from her sudden bout of illness
Seeping up on her
It became dismissed
As being contracted due to treacherous weather

The prolonged absence of Darren
Was accompanied with a nagging emptiness
Began to grow increasingly intolerable
Somewhere, something was happening

One snowy eve
She found herself alone
At the dinner table
Her portraits on the wall behind her
Began to mock her
As she could feel them
Staring into her, through her
Attempting to convey some insidious message

The following night while lying in bed
Next to a man she barley knew anymore
She drifted into dreamland
The aroma of lavender
Permeated in her sinuses

Upon waking, she felt very cold
And very dead
Alexandra gazed upon the lifeless body
Which once belonged to her

A sound in the dining room
Darren held a bottle of perfume
His words went, I apologized my dear
For slowly administering poison
Into your perfume
But, I needed the money
The chemical had slowly eased
Through her skin
Bringing about her demise

Alexandra watched enraged
As he removed her portraits
Off to an art dealer for a sale
To save the business
His wife had to die
For he knew she
Would not part with these

Rip his hair out! !
Claw away at his eyes! !
Tear his heart out! !
Destroy his very essence! !
But all the ghost could do
Was observe this horrific event
Silently, so silently

She had been so cheated
How could life be so merciless?
And then she vowed,
Someday, revenge would be hers¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦.

III

Darren lay in bed one night
Staring into the darkness
At the remaining picture
Of a field encompassed with lavenders
The room grew brutally cold
The smell of lavender
Etched it's way across the atmosphere
And the ghastly pale face of the deceased
Became visible in the field of blossoming flowers
Her purple-violet eyes piercing
Directly into his very soul

The stunned man groped for a light
The storm had affected the power
Leaving the residence in utter darkness
Frantically dressed in nighttime attire
The murderer fled for the stairway

The pungent scent of lavender
Became almost suffocating
As in a haste, a step was missed
Darren went plummeting to his grisly end

Silence ensued the halls
And traveled through the walls
That familiar feel of loneliness
Returned to occupy the atmosphere¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦..

IV

(pause)

Years would pass
Families would come and go
Boys grew into men
And girls into women
Seasons would change
As Alexandra quietly roamed
The dark rooms of her castle of dreams
Now a dungeon of gloom
Silently biding her time
Waiting for the day
A handsome young man would arrive
To take up residence

In the summer of two ��"thousand
Sebastian and Sharon moved into old dank apartment
The apparition watched them
approach through her bedroom window
The man was, a stunning image
Of what her lonely soul
Had been longing for all these reclusive years

She watched him set up an office in her bedroom
An aspiring writer
She would remain in the shadows for now
And silently observe him
When the time was right.
She would flood the halls
With the scent of that haunting lavender

His wife did not stand a chance
Because one day Alexandra would claim him
And so it began¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦

___________________________________

Dellusions of green

Late within this certain night,
Reflections of a friendship gone astray,
Spiral above my thoughts as I readily ponder
What should be said if I were to speak
One last time to you my old cohort

For unlike you, my eyes are not blinded
Nor are they binded, by false illusions
Of money and all it's endless glories
These are the things I would surely say,
For unlike you, I see the picture without false grandeur

Once, you were a friend of mine
Now seduced by the allure of green
Intoxicated by money's promises like rich wine
Ben Franklin is now your best buddy

Therefore,
Loneliness is your new companion
And self-loathing is a constant reminder
Of the things you once had,

So, have you any peace of mind you'd like to buy?
Is there any misery you would like to sell?

Sitting there in self-imposed solitude
Engulfed by piercing silence
While your conscience taunts away
Like a chisel picking on a stone
Does your suppressed pangs of remorse
Haunt you as the echoes of the wind
Whale outside the windows?
As memories over immaterial things
Went astray like leaves in the breeze

Sensations of being better than anyone
Causes self-gloating, but does Andrew Jackson
Smile back at you in agreement, or is it sympathy
Does all of Abe Lincolns' reassurances
Fill the void of emptiness slowly burning away inside,

So, have you any happiness you'd like to buy?
Is there any sorrow you would like to sell?

There was a time were you found yourself
Confiding in me, your past
A life of suffering and of pain
Inflicted by heartless persons upon
Which everlasting scars prevail
But now, you bow down to the green god
And in your prayers, what price will
Be the heal all for your wounds
One thousand,
Ten thousand,
Maybe twenty
For this is what you conceive
To be the solution for all

I see the matter for what it is
Within time, perhaps those false visions
Of sun driven fields of prosperity
Shall be overlapped by dark clouds
And drenched by the fierce rain of reality,

Then, you will decide,
Which is the greater of two evils
What having money turns you into
Or the things sacrificed for it's attainment
____________________________________

The judging of dreams

Some people are judged by the deeds

That they have done, some refer to

This as a universal law called karma

While the Egyptians believed a man's

Salvation or damnation relied solely

On the weighing of one's heart against

The goddess Maats' feather of truth

In Christianity, a mortal's eternal judgment

May be administered upon his soul by

An all powerful God deciding whether he

Shall pass through the gates of Heaven

Or into the fiery lakes of hell

Society assigns individuals their

Social status based on money and

Occupation, while magazines seem

To be saying it is your physical attributes

That we are to be admired or shunned for

So many ways to be held accountable

For our mistakes or our success is their not?

However....................

What if we were judged by our dreams?

What If I do not possess the means

To unlimited finances or striking features?

We can still imagine

Because hope still abounds

Some will fantasize over wealth

And all the luxuries it entails,

While Others long for popularity

Or erotic sexual sexual desires

I wish for the cessation of world hunger

And the spreading of peace and human awareness

Despite not having all the sufficient means

to make this a thorough reality

Nonetheless, it is my dream

So, how will I be judged?
______________________

Eyes of the Lynx

In Native American mythology
The species of feline called Lynx symbolizes
The ability to see clearly, as well as being
The knower of secrets, in terms of what
We hide from ourselves as well as others

I did not ask for this gift
Nonetheless, it is ever present,
Sometimes, I strive to imagine
Having a blind eye for the
Things that I truly see
And owning a deaf ear
Towards what is really heard

Having known many people in this life's venture
Associates sometimes are distant strangers
And strangers are close friends
For to see what is hidden from others
Is to observe what is unseen by most
To know that which we attempt to conceal
From ourselves, is to look through the eyes of the Lynx

(pause)

Do these eyes pierce you?
Or do they intrigue you
Is it both at the same time?

I didn't mean to make you shudder
While that smug tone of voice began to stutter
As you became aware of the pensive
Stare, that unintentionally seeps right
Through to the core, the false mask
So neatly worn, cringes upon the prospect
of those interior thoughts exposed to the exterior

Gazing around a room full of puppets
To their own suppressed ideas
While thinking their inner most secrets are safe
However, the eyes of the Lynx do not lie,

(pause)

Go ahead,
Condemn the wealthy woman
Across the room in the corner
But did I see a glare of envy?
Laugh at the alcoholic as he
Guzzles down the fluids of intoxication
But wipe the saliva from your mouth
Persecute the two woman sitting arm in arm
Was that a flicker of fascination I detected?

For now, I too will wear my mask
One of innocence and vulnerability
And saunter about the room quietly
For if they only knew,

Eyes of the Lynx
An unwanted gift?
Or underappreciated blessing?
Either way,

ODE TO THE MIGHTY LYNX¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦
________________________________________________

If they could see your soul

Her name is Aunica,
To some you are just another face
In an ordinary place
Another individual, of habit, manner, and style
An elderly stout woman whose brown face
Bares the stamp of her ethnicticity

Amongst the hustle of others in a small café
She is the quiet old lady whom labors away
In a back room filled by the monotony of everyday
Routines, her hands are coarse yet strapping,
Unto an average customer, she saunters about
Replacing silverware and plates
But goes virtually unnoticed by most

Except for one, who sees beyond
Weary eyes and a worn black apron
For if they could see your soul,
There would be a cloud of sorrow
And an ever present shadow of despair

When cities in your homeland Serbia
Violently collapsed due to prolonged warfare
And conflicts, your heart plummeted to the bottom
Of your being along with it,
A city now converted into mounds of ash
And ascending clouds of smoke

Memories of a life, you once had
Are now swept away aimlessly
By a ruthless and non sympathetic wind
Like those who executed their tyranny
Upon the remnants of your foundation

Through compassion and understanding
I have acquired eyes that see
You have opened up your home to me
I have eaten in your presence
And extended unto you an ear
For many stories this woman
Has shared, these tales I will hold
For her, life has been cold
So now it is known

If they could see your soul,
The fierce light of your courage
Would be ever so blinding
Your determination and inner strength
Are akin to a lions roar
And an aura whose mere presence
Casts a vibration that is stifling

To the casual eye you are just
That simple woman whom carries
A tray of plates and smiles
Amid the conversations and
Cigarette smoke, but,
If only they could see your soul
___________________________

The gift of words
__________________

How does an old soul express oneself?
Pass on to others your experience of heartaches
As well as the conquering of all tribulations
In what manner shall I share my life ventures?

For I have climbed the highest mountain of emotions
To topple aimlessly to the cold barren ground below
Time, and time again
However, my spirit holds no space for bitterness

I have stood at the summit of the valley of
Hopes and illusions, my trenchant sword
Of truth, poised in hand to battle the face
Of manipulation whose blade shines with deception
Although being the victorious, still I walk away humble

I have spit in the face of conformity
And bathed in the essence of rebelliousness
For me and persecution are no distant strangers,
At a venerable time in life images of happiness
Have been clung to in desperation
But the swift smack of reality across the face
Still burns my check to this day

A raging dragon showed me many sights
And said decide for yourself what is purely evil
A silken white swan appeared and she endowed
Upon me many visions, saying interpret for yourself
What is truly wholesome and good
For outside these dual forces radiate
Inside the silence of your spirit , you will know
Which is true and what is false

And how shall one be remembered?
After the persona of this life has turned
To ashes and dust, look into the freedom
Of the sky, feel the wind blow and listen
To me whisper inspiration through the soothing
Flow of the breeze, for I have said before
When death comes calling, it is to the sky I will
Live in eternal union with

At times the phrase nobody knows me has been
Branded upon my conscience, possessing the
Golden chest of knowledge from experience
Has taught me how to cope

How can these things be told?
With the finest present of all
Requiring no price tag, it is the offering
Of my words, for words are truly a gift¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦.