Pink and Fluffy Thread ...

Erm...p'raps you ought to go back to bed Tom, with a nice cuppa cocoa and an asprin...

of course it is clearly nonsense about all that gloom and despondancy setting in all over the country ... hoxtoneye is very naughty and misleading ... and i meant to say ... liana's pic on the front page yesterday was Utterly Perfect ... i think she has at last been rescued from focussing her camera upon Derelict Lavatories and suchlike and has turned to more fittingly pink and fluffy subjects ... well done liana!

back to bed? Tom hasn't been out of bed in weeks. can't you see it? the curtains permanently drawn, clothes on the floor, and rubbish, and the remains of a half-cooked dinner. the roof leaking. the dog, that hasn't been let out in weeks, barking, whining, pawing at a door that never opens. and blankets drawn up close over Tom to keep the light out. and there's no light coming in through the window. and the radio crackles and hisses. and outside, it's getting dark. and outside, the dark is rising. and the dark is rising.

...when suddenly outside, comes the tinkling chime of an ice cream van..... the radio bursts into life with PinkFluff FM suddenly blaring "the sun has got his hat on" Tom throws back the blankets to reveal pink and yellow spotted PJ's, and dashes to the window, yanking back the dust covered curtains to reveal the smiling face of his bubbly blonde next door neighbour, holding a 99 aloft... Toms heart surges with joy.....

and thats not all ...

that surges i mean ...

the hoover also surges ... as tom decides to improve his life with a little light housework ... he flings open the door and the dog gallops joyfully into the garden ... where it capers and plays with the little squirrels and hedgehogs ...

ten minutes later, the hoover's packed up and Tom's feeling a bit tired and the sun's too bright in his eyes and the ice cream van's playing oranges and lemons and Tom thinks there's nothing more melancholy than the tune of oranges and lemons wafting out over stagnant suburbs and he aches inside and he's down on his knees and his hands brush the dust of the carpet and get buried in it.

would it were day.

quick andrea ... over here ... we cant be beaten by the mean and moodies ...

When his fingers alight on a half-licked Penny Black, dropped there by his great-great grandmother. To think, if he had employed other cleaners than the Hemmet family, this would have been sucked up into a hoover bag years before ! All his worries were over.

I feel better now. Been out to play with new theoretical dog. Couldn't find any theoretical sticks which was a bit of a problem. The four real cats ignored him. It's true that I haven't been anywhere in days, or in a daze for that matter. Housework is definitely out, although Liana is welcome to demonstrate her new acquired skills at any time. Fish and her magnificent bosom, also - although she really must stop blocking up doors with it. Cobwebs actually come in handy at Christmas, when you can spray them with canned glitter and turn them into decorations.

now at last he'll have the money to fire that Hemmett woman and get a real cleaner in!

I'm here...

...soldiering...

Stop interrupting me. Down boy!

...on...

...bravely...

i have to recommend theoretical dogs ... my poodle is my constant companion and lies under the desk licking his balls and stirring himself about once every six months to write a poem ... now as this thread is about to fall off the bottom ... i wave my little pink hanky to you all and thank you for making this a lovely LOVELY thread ... *exits stage left weeping beautifully*

...and with great and dedicated determination!

*visibly moved*

hooorah ... i knew i could pinkly and fluffily depend on you .....

Aha! Moody - 59 Fluffy (and pink) - 61!!!

* aggrieved at aspersions being cast on the Hemmett housekeeping skills. MY house in fact, is immaculate*

now... where IS the brake on this thing... how DO i stop it? I wonder what happens when i press these two impressive switches...

weepingly asserts that is IS so, and rubs aching muscles from trying to adhere to mums strict standards of bedroom cleanliness

*steals fish's capers*

hey! ... i wanted those for a salad ... anyway i thought i would share with everyone that baking is the new staying in ... which of course was the new going out ... so baking is the new going out ... unless going out was the new something else before that ...

bet you do a good CARROT cake

*weeps over theoretical dog*

yes dogstar ... in fact i am skilled in the use of all manner of Root Vegetables ...

Tom's heard it all before. these Hemmett women. they turn up at his place, get out a Cosmo mag, put their big hairy feet up on the table, light a pipe, and call it housework. 'Sorry, Liana,' says Tom, 'but occasionally allowing your beard to stray across the carpet isn't housework in my book. now take your big hairy feet off the table!'

yes fish but i expect you have an affinity with the madder ones...

pink and fluffy wayyy in the lead!! *waves glittery rah rah pompoms in delight*

well i believe you are no stranger to carrots yourself ...

*plays with carrot and skips off singing "tra la la"*

oh dont do dat... you'll break de light

noooo i wont break the light... my pom poms are verrrry soft and fluffy....

ooooh how I love mornings *skips around in glee*

all the day ahead, just waiting to be ENJOYED!!!

am i shallow enough to join in? *plays with collection of root vegetables and arranges them into alphabetical order, then laughs at the rudely shaped ones*

Get out of my persona, Chant. Very uncomfortable. Slightly itchy, in fact. Liana does not smoke a pipe. She does not have hairy feet. She's a perfumed goddess in fluffy pink mules.

just one more post and pink and fluffy rushes into the lead again!! *casts a sideways glance at hoxtoneye* :o)

well it looks like you are marty ...

I'll say... *waggles eyebrows

*makes bed and arranges stuffed animals on duvet cover* *puts kylie minogue on the stereo and skips downstairs to get sugar puffs* pink and fluffy 88, dark and moody 87 my work here is done.....

.....is too interested reading his book on unusual hats to reply....

yes, but have you checked the SIZE of those mules, Tom?! *runs out of the room screaming 'no! no! don't beat me, Liana! i didn't mean it! it was Tom all along!'*

*little does fish know that i went gaily off singing the refrain from "the marching song of the covert battalions", thus undermining the shallowness of her thread... *rubs hands with glee damn! it isn't glee, it's VASELINE!

There is no sanity clause. *wonders how he can get out the door*