In a funk

Interesting. I thought you were either listening to funky music or needed a shower until I read the thread :-) Alcohol, music, tv or reading though the alcohol should be the constant in any choice

Put on your favourite music to dance to (as opposed to 'dance' music), crank up the volume and leap around the room until you are coated in sweat and no longer able to stand. Take a shower. Do one essay.

Have you tried getting drunk, it won't help with the essays but it will make them seem less important. I also find those Japanese cartoons about giant robots hitting each other always cheers me up, but that's probably just me. [%sig%]

i pop into my local burns unit ...

Unfortunately Fish, knowing that there are countless far less off people than me doesn't seem to be helping at the mo. maybe my conscience will kick in later

My God they don't recite his Poetry do they?

I lie face down on the floor which as Marvin of Hitch-hikers guide says "Is a particularly effective way of being wretched" It solves nothing, but expressing your wretchedness has to be done before you can begin to work out a sensible strategy...

The only one of those you can do anything about is the essays. Get on with one of them NOW. Keep it to the lower word limit. I don't know if you have access to benzedrine, but Kerouac wrote "On the Road" in three days on bennies. (I should say that Rennies are no substitute.)