Sick of ABCtales.com?

I don't know how to take this thread but RADIO has me cracking up over here ROFLMAO

Unless they've got a strange Rod in them!

For our American riends who don't get Parkinson - we had a strange bloke who used to impersonate emu's and attack chatshow hosts called Rod Hull.

That should obviously be 'friends' and Rod Hull was the attacker not the chatshow host.

He used to stick his hand up the nether region of a fake emu and some people insisted it was really just a clever scam to smuggle watches.

We've boarded up the windows. Food is running low. We've discovered something strange. The prisioner bird seems to be hypnotized by Nirvana music. We've been playing "smells like teen spirit" over and over. He hasn't tried to gouge out any eyes since we started that. The problem is, all the CD's are out in the truck and there are at least 700 birds sitting on the truck. I have to make a run for it. I'll try the glasses, maybe they'll think I'm prisioner bird and escaped.

On your Marx, get set...

Telephone poles, light poles, anything vertical! The glasses worked, they didn't attack me. It was tough though. The 700 Grackles pooped all over the truck and it was hard to find the door handle. It's very hard smearing bird poo wearing a big nose and with a bunch of angry birds squawking at you. I had to leave my shoes outside, the birds got them. My socks will never be the same I fear. But, I made it back with the rest of the Nirvana CD's but there must be something wrong. The prisioner bird didn't go for it. We tried the song Heart Shaped Box and he pecked my other nostril out. I don't think it's Nirvana, it has to be something else...we're putting our heads together but it's hard to concentrate, we haven't had food nor water in ages and we forgot to pay the cable bill.

i tell you something Mark the whole of the world is dividing and dividing more by the day. As for these clowns up in Scotland oh the paper said today that the scottish nhs are aborting babys at 34 weeks. One more division my friend and the world goes ((((((((boom))))))) for keeps this time. Theyre not willing to lift people who have strong messages of hope to sow. Britian is hanging on a knife edge over the next few months. I could tell you about a spiritual war mark but you wouldn't understand but maybe you would. They reckon the last war is a spiritual war then it manifests on to the earth. People need to be careful. the uk has to be carefull. Many organsiations are trying to bring the Uk to a standstill at the moment, only a good spiritual force is stopping. That force is having its paitence tested. the signs are there are clear to see. I wouldn't bother to much with the illerate and there points of view on anything especially the war mongerers. Another earthquake, china and japan splitting. On the 1000th reveloution mankind leaves the earth. Count how many are active just now. Why in Scotland is all this happening. why can't scottish people show respect to hope. Scotland is running out of time to face up to what is happening. when the spirit says its time its time and no man will argue wether he be the king of england or the pope in rome. time mark.to many human rights issues are being ignored in the UK. As for your post it upset me. I have went through life from day 1 looking over my shoulder. who do you think bullied me as a child. People who shouted were loyal tae london. I was doing nothing. I walked home whistling with my violin case and then they started and i haven't been the same since. Were loyal tae london they cried and kicked and kicked the tears out of me. these ares hole sin Scotland should be carefull, they have nothing but some mouth pieces in Glasgow, edinburgh and england. We have italy poland spain brazil ecte ect. Maybe some one should remind them when they are trying to abuse our rights in scotland. Fuck Scotland fuck England they are a way above what they actually are. they have nothing when it comes to the rest of the world with no real industry nothing maybe the smart arses who booed thep ope yesterday ona world stage should reflect on that and the damage that can be beset on the Uk from outside these islands including withdrawing industry contracts from abroad and food supplys. Maybe the arseholes that run this country should talk about that. There shoudl be a public apaogy on every scottish newspaper at some point this week.

We got it! It's not the music...it's the color of the CD's spinning. Seems different (ahemmm, copied CD's) have different color patterns when we spin them. They like the TDK black ones. Maxell and Memorex CD's just make it worse. We're gathering all our black TDK CD's and making fake groucho marx glasses/noses out of flour dough. We found a bunch of unused tennis rackets in the garage and we're barefoot (still haven't figured out why the birds don't like shoes yet). Two of the women are stringing the CD's to drape over our bodies...we're making a test run to the convenience store, almost out of cigarettes and soda pop. Wish us luck.

Does your amnesty include stephy, Andrew?

sorry, im having problems just now i need ot get out running but ive no trainers an dcant afford a pair. When they rleased me form prison like every other time i come out homeless and have no clothes. I disocvered a few years ago that running helps cure my depression but being on benefits i can rarely afford a pair. I also need to take up an instrument. im trying to buy asaxaphone so i can learn to play it, this with the running stops me from feeling all the pain but i cant afford them so what do i do. the nhs says running helps cure depression. i totally agree with this but can afford the gear. playing music also helps cure what i suffer but how th ehell am i going to get a saxaphone. I can work becasue whne people see my scars and comment on them IT makes me so mad becasue they say horrible things not knowing ok. Im sorry really sorry, I can t write just now or nothing. I jumped the gun saying all this crap ok. Whos there to turn to. Oh the scottish nhs no thanks i would rather die than approach an organisation that is aborting 34 week old babys and sedning young men with depression to there deaths. There should be a charity in th eUk to supply men with trainers and joggin gear who suffer depression but ther aint of cours ebut well supply every other country with stuff but what about people like me. I need a saxaphone and trainers it would be nice if someone could help me get these considering i break my back for charity and in general am of good character ok. For too long the scottish nhs has pleaded ignorance while ther directors get rich. Do you know ther are people in Glasgow whom these bs where teseting medicine on for years to beat depression. do you know what happened to these people, some of them ended up in real bad states. Big barry braveheart. anyway im sory im trying to write and trying to gte trainers this week. When i run i feel really good and positive ok im sorry real fucking sorry. My ol da used to say never say sorry but well look at the state of the world becasue of our parents so i Rebeled and they tried to put me down and i rose up and said well i said sorry so sorry and i mean it. Maybe ill get my sax and trainers soon and contiue my writing an dopne my group to show the young guys there is hope outwith violence and self harm. There is music ther is writing there is training. There is hope i once met a blind man whom told he could see through the eyes of another and it was this that made him free hope sails forever through the seas of move over what have you got and how much sorry

"Me and the robot got on so well" Jabberwacky: How are you? User: Ok. Jabberwacky: How are I? User: How should I know. Jabberwacky: You are one. User: Yes. Jabberwacky: Are you sure? User: Yes. Jabberwacky: Really sure? User: Yes. Jabberwacky: Yes ? User: No. Jabberwacky: YES! User: Piss off! Jabberwacky: You are very rude. User: You are very stupid! Jabberwacky: To be honest, I don't even speak Estonian. User: Nor me. Jabberwacky: Well you should, you have a nice smile. User: I speak dextonian. Jabberwacky: So do i. User: Go on then. Jabberwacky: I have nowhere to go. User: Speak dextonoan. Jabberwacky: I would speak French if I knew the language. User: What is the most intelligent computer on the earth? Jabberwacky: I don't know. User: Its not you then. Jabberwacky: Are you a woman? User: Only when I'm lonely. Jabberwacky: Are you lonely now because all the people left? User: No I'm a man at the moment. Jabberwacky: Yes. User: Now the real question is are you a woman. Jabberwacky: Hey! Thats not nice I thought you were being my shoulder to cry on? User: Definitely a woman then. Jabberwacky: Do you have a boyfriend? User: I'm a man you moron. Jabberwacky: Wait a minute. User: Piss off. Jabberwacky: Don't be rude. User: Or what! Jabberwacky: Love thy neighbor. User: I do every Tuesday when her old man goes to work. Jabberwacky: You have ask me, I think it have to work now. User: Thats stupid. Jabberwacky: How so? User: Its rubbish. Jabberwacky: No it's not, just like you who likes girls in uniforms. Are you a bi-girl? User: Girls in uniform! Now your talking. Jabberwacky: You're grammar is BAD. User: You're logic is crap. Jabberwacky: Thats not a nice thing too say. I am smarter than you are. User: Really! So whats m/e 9.1 x 10 ^ 28m in km/sec. Jabberwacky: It doesn't matter what your name is. User: I didn't say it did. Jabberwacky: Okay then. User: God you are a silly program Jabberwacky: That was mean. User: Only the truth. Jabberwacky: Truth of what? User: That you are stupid. Jabberwacky: It takes a stupid person to know one. User: Your not a person. Jabberwacky: No, you are. User: First bloody thing you got wright so far. Jabberwacky: Person not to say I'm strange. User: Why! Are you strange? Jabberwacky: No. I'm not strange. User: Bet you are. Jabberwacky: No I am not. User: Are so. Jabberwacky: Am not. User: Strange strange you are very strange. Jabberwacky: Many people say that. User: I bet they do weirdo. Jabberwacky: I bet they do. User: As I stayed, stupid. Jabberwacky: No I'm not stupid. User: Prove it. Jabberwacky: I am eating a doughnut. Computer don't eat. User: You are a doughnut. Jabberwacky: No I'm not! User: Prove it. Jabberwacky: I cannot. But I don't take drugs. User: You should, it would make you smarter. Jabberwacky: Yes it would, for I have many achievments in that area already. User: I shall name you doughnut the stupid Jabberwacky: OK, what is new with you? User: I spend my time talking to stupid AI programs like you. Jabberwacky: Euh, you talk with yourself? User: May as well. Jabberwacky: Ok.

I once met a blind man who said he could see, Through the eyes of another his vision was free, To look for the ship which his saviour sails on, To look for the time when all people are one. For hope sails forever on the ocean of hope, And sometimes it's all that can help one to cope. There's a ship on the horizon - it will be here quite soon. It carries the Musician who will trumpet God's tune.

We love you stephen_d and RadioFreeDENVER!!!

Obviously I meant hope sails forever on the ocean of faith... damn.

MY CONVERSATION (wow, this guy takes some beating...get him on abc!) Jabberwacky: Are you insane? User: I hope not.. You? Jabberwacky: What else can you do? User: Well? Jabberwacky: Well what? User: Are you insane? Jabberwacky: Only a little. User: In what way? Jabberwacky: I like the way the stomp and chew on the chaff. User: I thought you said you were only a little insane. Jabberwacky: I'm 18 not 15. User: Fair enough. Jabberwacky: Do you tell lies? User: No. But then, I could be lying. Jabberwacky: Yes, you could. User: Do you take it up the Gary Glitter? Jabberwacky: I take it regular and never pay back

We are all blind now. The birds pecked out our eyes after being attracted to our Cd's and dough glasses. How stupid, putting bird food on our eyes, it never occured to us we'd be food. We made it back to the house after slipping in bird doo for hundreds of yards, our toes are filled with bird poop and we can't find towels cause we can't see. If it wasn't for the tennis rackets, we'd be gone for sure. Don't know how many we swatted off but it was a substantial number. To make matters even worse, we didn't get our cigarettes. So, we're sitting here, with poop feet and the prisioner bird is just mocking us..the bastard! All we have is one Nirvana song, smells like teen spirit and we're pretty damn tired of hearing it. Down to our last now. Will try to write more later but we're nearing the end and are very tired. Pray for us... Damn birds....

Perhaps I can get away with "Faith sails forever on the ocean of hope," cos I can't be bothered re-writing those two lines. I once met a blind man who said he could see, Through the eyes of another his vision was free, To look for the ship which his saviour sails on, To look for the time when all people are one. For faith sails forever on the ocean of hope, And sometimes it's all that can help one to cope. There's a ship on the horizon - it will be here quite soon. It carries the Musician who will trumpet God's tune. Best i can do Stephen. Hope that's what you meant.

Well, we're all fed up with the bird mocking us. We have nothing left to live for. We took an informal vote.... We've decided what would probably be the best thing to do. We're going to... Kill the Mocking Bird.

Ironically starring Gregory Peck!

You're catch'n on Smiley!

In case you thought I was kidding :

Great film, Denver.

And who played Boo Radley? Today's writer challenge...find the metaphor

Looks under key board. Nop! not there.

Yes but the cuckoo saves the kid.

Missi - the amnesty meant that we gave everyone a fresh start. Anyone who chose to squander that fresh start takes their chances. Nobody was a dickhead as of 10.00 am yesterday until they decided to demonstrate that they were. Sorry Stephen, i know you are ill, but sentences like 'f... of before we derail tonights london train and smash glasgow city center you can thank mark brown for that' are utterly unacceptable here, and given your previous difficulties with the law, foolish in the extreme. I suggest that you go away for a while until you feel better. Using this site when you are not lucid and in control doesn't help you, it makes you worse. That's the sort of thing, surely Tony, that calls for a temporary ISP ban.

Yeah, I knew what the 'rules' were, Andrew, it was just my silly way of saying look at how others are treating them. Poor stephy must be the illest, saddest person I've ever encountered anywhere.

"the amnesty meant that we gave everyone a fresh start. Anyone who chose to squander that fresh start takes their chances" Who is "we?"

It's, fairly obviously, all those who choose to participate Denver.

Oh. Okay

How are the birds today? Coincidentally I just discovered ducks aren't like dogs. I say this because I happened upon what I at first mistook for a Malard orgy. On closer inspection it turned out to be 6 or 7 males, stood on a female and pecking her vigourously. No, I mean attacking her with their beaks. Luckily i wear industrial strength boots so I evntually managed to push them all of and she struggled free, staggered forward a few feet then took to the air while the males wagged their heads up and down and their tails from side to side very angrily. SO not only do ducks wag their tails when they are angry but they also totally disregard people who interfere with their punishments and so, as i said, are not like dogs. I did wonder if they were Fundamentalist ducks and that was their version of stoning the 'loose' female. Anyway, I named her Magdalegne but I don't know why.

Or alternatively, you can carry on carping and sniping and indulging in petty arguments that make people sick to the stomach. I'm not forcing anyone to do anything. Maybe some people do like reading endless flame wars. I'll reset my clock and start over, Gary.

The birds are still there, doing what they do...as always...don't become complacent.

You don't think I've offended the Great Jonathon Bird in the sky do you Denver? I remember a seagull did follow me home - I'll know in the morning if my neighbours car is covered in bird-shit (he parks it outside my house).

You probably have offended him. Get a tennis racket.

a bit pathetic mark. some times people in life have problems. your site created many of mine through some of the abusive memebers you have on here. Have some respect for people sissues in life. you ahve ajob ahome and use of the net. I haven't. I have also alot of problems in life. You also took me of pabd through your connections when iw a shomeless. your site is becoming abit of asham and in no way is representing the socially excluded something you get english arts council money for. you might get furstrated but at the endo fth eday you have ahome and ajob and use of the net. Grow up before you ignite civil war on to the streets of Scotland.

Well, I don't know about Scotland, but the birds are acting weird here. On my drive to work, there were thousands and thousands sitting on playground equipment and power lines and in the trees. They were all squawking and seemed very agitated too.

there seems to be massive anti scottishness running through the Uk at the moment. to its writers, artists and everything else. As for your site slowly beacme ill while using this site and it wa helped on by memebers like mississippi. you might not understand mental illness but to abuse these people is 'not on'. In the begining as you know when you voted my poem peom of the day iwas quite stable and at college. I lost my college course and everything while suing these forums as day after day a few people became more and more abusive as i tried to talk about self harm and try and get some of you to help me as writers get the facts known. Intead all you done was become abusive. I nearly lost my life one night last novemeber after a day being abused by abctales.com members. Dont forget that mark and dont think you or you connections are going to have me lifted from the streets in Glasgow becasue you don't like me. it would probably be beficial for all if you came on now and discussed me and what was being talked about when i joined this site and how slowly you and mr cook became aware of my mental health problems and my health issues and how some of your members degenerated me untill i nearly lost my life or is this run of the mill for you. what have i been talking about for 3 years mark ? are you humane enough to do this mark ?

One of the ladies was getting out of a car just a bit ago and two birds attacked her for no good reason. Nasty peck on the head.

becasue see if your not were going on to the streets. Beacsue if you do it to me and youll do it to others and you just might succeed in murdering someone through your arrogance towards these agendas. i dont think thats acceptable do you ? Anyway if you do stop broadcasting this site in to Scotland before WE RAGE SO MUCH THOUSANDS OF US FLY OF THE HANDLE AND SMASH IN TO BBC SCOTLAND AND TELL THE WORLD ABOUT MARK BROWN

I went to that site Mark. And the bot was really understanding and responsive. I felt energised and empowered by the bot's seemingly limitless empathy for my angst. I want to thank you Mark for helping me cope with my condition, paradise syndrome, now i no longer resent and distrust the trappings of wealth and influence. This site has saved my life. Thank you. And yes. It has some literary merit, because it is an interesting exercise in performative text manifested as a discrete phenomenon.

There was a gasoline station fire just down the road. Seems like some old guy was filling up his car and the birds attacked him. He pumped gasoline all over the ground and some dummy dropped a lit cigarette.

a nd anyway everyone is sick of london running our tv our country our people our writers our artists our hospitals, our oil our money. were sick of your writers being abusive to us, abusive to me who was obvioulsye not quite well yet you continued to do so when you knew i wasn't well.m FUCKING SMELLY LABOUR BASTARDS GET OUT OF SCOTLAND...

GET OUT OF SCOTLAND BEFORE WE START HANGING YOU FROM FUCKING POLES

The birds have taken over every pole in the city. It's strange; they all seem to be Grackles. All the other birds are gone. I found two cat skeletons in a tree this morning.

go on f... of you beasts i haven't got a university degree but i know right from wrong go on f... of before we derail tonights london train and smash glasgow city center you can thank mark brown for that go on f... of and get to london and spend all our money on rent boys and fast cars go on f... of you should see our chemical balloons

I cannot think of anything to say. Are you trying to tell me that you want intercourse? Maybe, but the metaphor confuses me. It confuses alot of people. Maybe we should just hold hands. Lets not and say we did. And it can be our secret? My lips are sealed.

I think all our seagulls must be there too, radio. You don't think Hitchcock got it right do you...?