Guardians. cert 18. story. submitted on Aug 06

the link is here: http://www.abctales.com/node/555034

Martin, i began to read this but confess i stopped. You are doing what a lot of novice writers do, and what all writers spend hours trying th avoid that is 'telling' not 'showing'. for example in this section you tell me about their easy, joky relationship: "Through all of their relationship all conversations of a non-serious nature usually developed into a jaunty sparring. The aim of which was to get in the last word that had the most effect on the others composure." don't tell me, show me this relationship in action - let me see it for myself and recognise it as such, if you write in 'show' mode the nature of the relationship will become obvious. telling distances the reader from the characters, showing draws the reader in. Have a read of some of the great prose on here, some of my favourites include, camus, fergal, NeilMc, and poetjude (very poetic prose), but there are lots more, recently Skinsen' story of the week is a good example. When you learn to show not tell you will also develop your own voice, but believe me all writers struggle with this constantly. I hope this advice helps, you don't know it unless someone tells you it, i have an author friend who constantly drums it into my head, though it doesn't mean i've cracked it. Good luck and i look forward to the edit. Juliet

Martin that makes perfect sense, you have to be immersed in the action in order to show it to the reader. Go back over the story and pick out any parts where you tell the reader about a character, now rewrite that through the characters actions and you will be well on your way. Juliet

I often have the opposite problem, in that I find it... less than intuitive... to know what is going on inside the characters' heads... I have to be careful that my writing is not purely "This happened, then that happened"...! But yes, from the various books + articles I have read about the craft of writing, the "show not tell" thing is a very common pitfall. ~PEPS~ “There is no spoon.”

Hi Martin, and welcome ot the site. I know what you mean about being too close to your own stories, my favourites of mine are never the ones other people like, eventually you have to concede to the weight of opinion that you are not qualified to judge your own work. I suspect it is because others see only what you have achieved where you also see what you tried to achieve. Or something like that. The show not tell thing is one of those little truisms of writing, when a writer tells you something rather than shows it can feel like being lectured and this can turn a reader off. Like all rules it's not absolute, Hemmingway never told the reader a damn thing but Dickens had no problem stating out and out from the start the Scrouge was a miser. Both are great authors. I think that, like all the best rules, it should be understood, mastered, and then freely ignored. Mastering it is the hard bit. The painting analogy is a bit of a funny one. I have an artist friend who tells me things like 'Jackson Pollock really understood the nature of paint' and that 'art exists within it's own language' and I am never really sure if I believe him, but then he can look at a portrait and say 'this streak of light here means the artist was sleeping with the subject's wife' and it turns out he was absolutely right, so maybe there's something in it. Anyway I'm rambling. The thing is that if you want to create fine art then maybe it's a good analogy, but if you just want to create stories that enthrall the reader and make him or her want to know how it ends, then I don't think it is. Regarding punctuation, on discussion forums it's a whole different ball game because people dash of posts quickly, but getting it wrong in stories smacks of carelessness or stupidity. That said by all means bend, break, or throwaway the rules if you want to, but only do it for a good reason.

you see i forgot maddan and he writes some great prose, "The hole" my personal favourite. But i think maddan makes a lot of sense, learn how to show then you can decide to do what you like. But for me 'show' allows your voice to emerge and that is what makes a great writer, having an individual voice, once you have found that voice then you can flout the rules. Juliet

My signature, I think, summarises what I think about writing! Trying too hard comes across as trying too hard and doesn’t achieve the desired results. Writing, like other art forms (I agree with you, Martin, that writing is "ART"), should be felt. Technical skills are useful, but once understand, they can be bent, twisted, thrown out. Feeling is all. Emotion, communicating, getting across a message. There are a lot of should's, but ultimately it comes down to whatever your intentions are. If you want to write a bestseller, I think there probably are rules you need to adhere to, but if you want to write for more personal reasons - particularly if money, recognition, etc, is no object - then you "should" write however the hell you want to write. If writing is a personal catharsis, if you write for the pure enjoyment of it, then nothing else matters. Literally. But if you want to achieve publication, unfortunately their are harsh laws of commerce and public taste that need to be considered. Before I continue, I must hold up my hand and confess I haven’t read your story... well not all of it. When I first clicked on the link, I was totally intimidated by its length! Before this posting, though, I thought I ought to do you the courtesy of reading at least the first few paragraphs... Always, whatever I’m reading, if it don’t grab me pretty quickly, then I’m outta there. I’m afraid you story didn’t grab me. Something to do with the style, some technical errors, whatever... But don’t take this personally! I’d be the last person to say I’m the greatest writer in the world, but when it comes to what I read, I’m a very harsh critic. I’d probably be no good in a Reader’s Group or something... be kicked out for being too impatient & not giving things a chance! Back to the subject matter (which I find endlessly fascinating)... I think a lot of fun can be had from consciously and purposely breaking the “rules” of writing, but you kind of have to know those rules first. Like Les Dawson playing the piano... apparently he was a great pianist! Being Devil’s Advocate, though, like that 6-year-old child, there is the argument that one can be hampered by the rules. Lots of arguments either side. Ultimately you’ve got to do whatever feels right to you and be true to yourself. Listen to all the advice you are given, then throw it all out if you want. Create to be happy! And if it ever stops being fun, do something else... ~PEPS~ “There is no spoon.”