Wombat: For Memories

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Wombat: For Memories

Needs Critique

It drags on a bit too much I feel, and referents need to be crisp and precise...yours wobble and repeat!

You even attempted an Irish tone in places here, but I'd suggest it's more confusing than successful!

Overall....it seems more like prose than poerty!

But then I'm no expert!

Jasper
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By the way: the are two wombats (W.w) here! I read both and chose this one! If wrong....oh well, what's new?
Herbert
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"....need to be crisp and precise..." Why? And what is "referents" ? But thanks for looking at it. How do I find your "poerty" ? W
mississippi
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*smiles*
Jasper
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Now Herbie, think for yourself a little, Yes? Here's your own words Quote: "the movie feature (narrative) in all dreams is simply you (referent)" Keep them in focus and directly related. Example: "A love that had been doomed before its ever-flawed conception, Breakdown: "A love"...what love...this love, or, "a never-ending story of a distant love". "that had been doomed".....Yes, you said that before too! "before its ever-flawed conception"....how many times are you going to say the same thing! And again here: Subsequently, perhaps because the universe viewed me as an anomaly, It decided to break me, To take all I had, My inner being nothing but a plaything for its amusement, For all that I thought I knew became a lie, Paternal views changed, then disappeared, For two months, the universe and I did battle, Slowly, my spirit weakened, Q: What is Subsequently, perhaps because........it's like saying, "Yes, but maybe not? WORDS: "Tautology" "Oxymoron".....source: Oxford dictionary....please look them up and we shall continue, Herbie! Further note: You're a prick, Sludge...I hate it when you're right, damn it...sometimes lol SLUDGE: definition...."Onomatopoeia": Jasper's interpretation... cat piss on a mat:
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