Gutted!

Look on the bright side. You're now free to get a job instead of poncing off the state.

. who gives a shit?

Yan mate, really sorry to hear your news. That's a horrible thing to happen. This is a cruel old world sometimes. I'm useless at giving advice and anyway I don't know the exact circumstances, but I suppose my first thought would be is there a chance of retrieving the situation? Maybe don't give up too easily, could it have been a moment of madness that even now she regrets? Is there any chance of a reconciliation? If however after the dust settles it turns out there is no going back, then my approach would be OK I didn't choose this and I didn't want it but maybe it's a golden opportunity for me to move my life in another, better direction. Her loss is my gain. This may sound sick and cynical, but If nothing else this event, painful as it is, could awaken new literary creativity in you. I certainly know that when some really bad stuff happened to me at the start of the millennium, I got a huge surge of inspiration to write, like I'd never had before. And of course, even if it was a load of crap, writing this stuff was good therapy for me. Anyway, none of this is probably any relevance to you. But I just wanted to express my concern and wish you all the best in whatever direction this takes you.

Hi yan I am sorry to hear about your situation. I am new to this forum and really haven't gotten to know the people here well, but I can see that you are a man with a heart. Unfortunately those with the biggest hearts often suffer the greatest ache. I think what bruce says in this previous post is all good advice and I would keep it in mind if I were going through a bad time. I have personally experienced the healing powers of time and can vouch for them. One thing I would add. and forgive me if I am too frank, is that you should not just give up now. Especially because of your daughter. I think you should do whatever you can to gain custody of her. There must be legal avenues open to you in this regard. If what you say about your wife is true, she doesn't sound capable of raising a child on her own. Maybe if you managed to get your daughter back with you, it might even give your wife incentive to help herself. But as bruce said about us not knowing the exact situation is true, there may be factors that only you are aware of. But I wish you the best of luck in this and I hope things work out.

God, that sucks. What a shitty situation. I would second what xman said, yan. You've been the primary caretaker for the last two years; your wife is not acting responsibly. I'd see what I can do to take charge of the situation, as difficult as it might be. I'd say you have more than a leg to stand on. If you can do it without plugging in to the anger and pain (tough to do, but possible) so much the better. *One* of the adults needs to remain on an even keel! Missi, your compassion and sympathy for people's tough times is truly inspiring. You must have had a similar dose of goodwill from people when you were down.

Yan… I know I’ve emailed you about this, but just wanted to publicly express my sympathy. Personally, when I’m miserable, it inhibits my creativity, but I know this isn’t the norm! Write it out, paint it out, play it out (musically), talk it out, do whatever it takes – splurge it all out to me or on these or other forums… Get angry, get depressed, get creative… Then figure out what’s next. All advice is good, but ultimately only you know all the details and only you can know truly the right thing to do. Hang in there! And amongst it all – amongst all the pain and heartache you’re feeling – don’t be afraid of or feel guilty about finding fun. You’ll need it to get you through this. (not even worth commenting on what Missi said). {{{_"P"_}}} ... What is "The Art of Tea"? ... (www.pepsoid.wordpress.com - latest... Can We Ever Really Know the Truth About Anything?)

yan, that really is dreadful. My heart goes out to you and I fear for your daughter. She must be the main priority in all of this so gird your loins, dear fellow, and go out and do all you can to protect her. Thinking of you.

Whilst I have every sympathy for anyone in a shitty situ like the one above, didnt she leave you some time ago Yan? You told us so. You also told us that she worked (as a therapist for stroke victims or something) as you couldnt work because of your schizophrenia, and so, you were taking care of your daughter instead whilst she supported you both? Does my memory play tricks on me with this then?

I thought this was going to be another one of those threads, you know about something trivial. I dunno the ins and outs of it all but if it's as you say Yan you gotta do what you can for your daughter. It must have been a shit position to find yourself in, you have my sympathies. nobody

Sorry to hear that , mate. I know we always wonder what we could have done differently, but sometimes people go and do what they do, especially if they have some other stuff going on, and it;s no reflection on us. You haven't failed at anything mate, I guess it's just beyond your control. My ex was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which didn't mean much to us, but she had a host of other issues (which I won't go into here) and although i came to understand a lot more, and predict changes, there was often little i could do to stop the damage but pick up the pieces aftewards. It took me a while to realise there was little I could do to have made it any different. But I did try, like yourself. Good luck yan.

Fingers crossed for you Yan that everything will work out for the best. What a time of year for this to happen. Shit.

Best wishes, Yan. Hope the situation somehow sorts itself out! Reckon it’s better to let some people know/get things off your chest, rather than having all sorts of stuff going on in your head, at a troubled time!

Congrats, Of course it's not ideal Yan, especially so with you being a different sex. Do you have any female relatives or close friends she can be around while growing up? Someone who'll pretty much always be there. Sorry if that sounds sexist to anyone. nobody

Best of luck, yan, in this very difficult situation. The most important thing for your little girl, I think, is that she knows she is loved, and that none of this is her fault. Try, if you can, to keep her out of the middle, if you know what I mean. Kids are more resilient than some give them credit for, and if the basics are covered (lots of love, food, shelter, clothing, appropriate boundaries/discipline, etc) they mostly come out okay, regardless of what certain members of the Government say. It's an imperfect world, but we do our best.

Agreed with everything above. I'd also add that I reckon you should try and be as honest (within reason) with her as pos. {{{_"P"_}}} ... What is "The Art of Tea"? ... (www.pepsoid.wordpress.com - latest... Can We Ever Really Know the Truth About Anything?)

Good news! Thanks for all your kind words and support. Merry Xmas to you all! ;) There's nothing more mind-teasing than the incomprehensible eagerly avowed - Dennett