460.10

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460.10

Rather proud in a sad, blokey kind of way.

You?

This is fun to do. Just read the 'offence' and if you've done it, you owe that fine. Keep going until you've read each 'offence' and added up your total fine. When you are done post this as: "My fine is £..."
You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine.

Smoked pot -- £10

Did acid -- £5

Ever had sex at church -- £25

Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- £40

Had sex with someone on MySpace -- £25

Had sex for money -- £100

Ever had sex with a Puerto Rican -- £20

Vandalized something -- £20

Had sex on your parents' bed -- £10

Beat up someone -- £20

Been jumped -- £10

Cross dressed -- £10

Given money to stripper -- £25

Been in love with a stripper -- £20

Kissed someone who's name you didn't know -- £0.10

Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- £15

Ever drive and drank -- £20

Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- £50

Used toys while having sex -- £30

Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- £20

Went skinny dipping -- £5

Had sex in a pool -- £20

Kissed someone of the same sex -- £10

Had sex with someone of the same sex -- £20

Cheated on your significant other -- £10

Masturbated -- £10

Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- £20

Done oral -- £5

Got oral -- £5

Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- £25

Stole something -- £10

Had sex with someone in jail -- £25

Made a nasty home video -- £15

Had a threesome -- £50

Had sex in the wild -- £20

Been in the same room while someone was having sex --£25

Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars-- £20

Had sex with someone 10 years older -- £20

Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- £25

Been in love with two people or more at the same time-- £50

Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- £25

Went streaking -- £5

Went streaking in broad daylight -- £15

Been arrested -- £5

Spent time in jail -- £15

Peed in the pool -- £0.50

Played spin the bottle -- £5

Done something you regret -- £20

Had sex with your best friend -- £20

Had sex with someone you work with at work -- £25

Had anal sex -- £80

Lied to your mate -- £5

Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- £25

Tally it up and title it: "My Fine Is..." copy and paste, then repost as a new bulletin

well ralphie you sure know how to sell yourself kid ...
wouldn't have much change out of £500
you martin?
yep
heavens you seem like such a nice boy ...

 

135.60 be a dear and pass my halo
Just short of £300. Mind you, I think a fiver for spin the bottle is a little steep - I could have kissed 50 strangers for that. ~ www.fabulousmother.com
http://www.myspace.com/ralphieloveplusone Blimey. You should be knighted!

 

i'm a nice boy now
i really can't believe about having sex with someone from myspace AND someone in jail ... i bet they were the same person you are a dirty cat
300 lou??????
Oh, Fish. I thought my score would look pretty tame. Now I'll have to go find the carbolic. ~ www.fabulousmother.com
http://www.myspace.com/ralphieloveplusone I was a good boy once. But the wind just blew me somewhere. I'm ok now. I've discovered Ikea and West End musicals.

 

you are a floozy lou ... i am looking at you afresh ...
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@? (carbolic bubbles) ~ www.fabulousmother.com
surely you wouldn't have to count each time you did something? is it £20 per Puerto Rican for example or just a one off fee regardless ...
Ahhhh - that's it you see - I was counting *each* time. In that case, my score is £5. I once played 59 games of spin the bottle. ~ www.fabulousmother.com
in which case i bet ralph has had anal sex 5 times, fallen in love with a stripper, peed in a pool 90 times and snogged someone whose name he didn't know ...
I never realized I was such a naughty girl. I won't kiss and tell completely, but I owe more than Lou...
http://www.myspace.com/ralphieloveplusone I've never peed in a pool!!!! How very dare you!!!!!!

 

£375 Dunno whether that seems a lot but when I look down the list I'm amazed at how good I've been over the years! And before anyone implies otherwise, the only thing that's EVER been up my arse is a colonoscopy gadget. Oh yeah, and I did have a prostate check a few years back. Jesus christ, I correct a grammatical error and the bloody post goes in as a new one! Can this glitch be sorted out, or do I have to pay another £20 fine?

 

Ha! My fine is £715.60. It's a good thing they didn't ask to tally up multiples of the same offence, otherwise my fine would be much, much higher. Most of the 'offences' are quite juvenile, really. *polishes horns, strokes goaty beard*
£745.60 lol *polishes helmet, strokes black pussy* here's nothing more mind-teasing than the incomprehensible eagerly avowed - Dennett

~It's a maze for rats to try, it's a race for rats to die.~

Aha. I see. The 10p and 50p ones are there so we can see who has peed in a pool or kissed someone they don't know. (since there's no other fines to round them up) £395.60
£755.60 But some of those fines all happened in one innings, as it were.
wow, josie...mail me! LOL There's nothing more mind-teasing than the incomprehensible eagerly avowed - Dennett

~It's a maze for rats to try, it's a race for rats to die.~

I could have got close to the jackpot if it wasn't for all those fines in the workplace.
er, 525.60.
Approximately the cost of a Playstation 3.
New or secondhand? ;-)
Ever had sex with a Puerto Rican -- £20 Question...Does having sex in Puerto Rico count? It wasn't with a Puerto Rican though. Visit me http://www.radiodenver.org/

Share your state secrets at...
http://www.amerileaks.org

£550.10 I think the girls are getting higher scores. Interesting...
ahem ... i think you'll find my score is the most virtuous ... and also josiedog is a fella ...
I don't think this is a great indicator of how good or wicked a person is - after all, you only get fined twenty quid for drink driving, but four times as much for bumsex! Not very enlightened, is it?
good point rokkitnite ... nevertheless i am very good ...
I feel a lot better now there are some big girl scores... *nicks Fish's halo* Damn, ok - so that's another tenner. ~ www.fabulousmother.com
True enough, rokkitnite, it seems to say that sex itself is an offence, but breaking the law ain't... You could all go out tonight and notch up a few hefty fines and be no more the wicked because of it...
i feel positively angelic now
*photocopies Fish's halo for Martin* ~ www.fabulousmother.com
To pick up on Rokkitnite's point, it seems unfair it doesn't distinguish between bumsex taken by a woman (Oh go on love, it's my birthday) and that taken by a man (quite a different philosophical kettle of fish)... Had sex with someone on MySpace -- £25 ... does this not include cybersex not on myspace?...or am I missing the point, and it means meeting up with someone off myspace and doing it for real? Been jumped -- £10 : can anyone explain exactly what this means, as I may owe another tenner? "Jumped" as in taken by sexual surprise? Had sex with someone in jail -- £25 : the mind boggles...does it mean have sex with someone WHILST in jail? If so, you only get twenty-five bar for that?! Also, my favourite: Spent time in jail -- £15 Done something you regret -- £20 Murdered someone, fifteen quid. Rued the day who didn't enter a chess tournament, 33% more fine. Nuff said. I love how you get a tenner for masturbating. Any blokes get less than ten quid? The fine for doing porridge is only a fiver more than that for pulling one off.
I like this, though. It reminds me of Michael Ondaatje's 'Elimination Dance' poem. It'd be cool to do a version with surreal/banal/lewd/job-specific scenarios. In fact, that'd make quite a funny performance piece - you could get the audience to tot up their scores as you go along then take a show of hands at the end. It'd also be nerdy but cool to do one for the abctales community, consisting of 'writing' and 'online' crimes. Thought a poem was shit but posted "Great! Really enjoyed it!" because everyone else had written it was good - £50 etc...

 

"surely you wouldn't have to count each time you did something? is it £20 per Puerto Rican for example or just a one off fee regardless ... " Christ, you'd sense a few worried looks on the lads' faces if it were ten pounds per masturbation.
bleedin' hell, can't you just do the goddamned thing without fucking analysing it? There's nothing more mind-teasing than the incomprehensible eagerly avowed - Dennett

~It's a maze for rats to try, it's a race for rats to die.~

50p As a long distance swimmer with a prostate problem I can say it was worth every penny.
Money is meaningless. pe ps oid ... What is "The Art of Tea"? ... (www.pepsoid.wordpress.com)

The All New Pepsoid the Second!

lady bumsex should be less of a fine than jollyboy bumsex? also sean ... let me whisper ... girls wank too ... it's ok ... nobody heard me tell you ...
They buy shoes AND wank? Hedonists.
So I understand. Jumping on the old self-abuse bandwagon these days, women, aren't they? Before it was: what us? Sugar and spice? Oh no, heeheehee. These days its: yeah, nary a minute goes by when I'm not teasing the old turkey's neck, cause I'm a bird innit. Let's be honest, men will always reign supreme on this one. I mean, really, you may think you have an idea how often, but you really don't. And that includes the men you're with. Oh yes.

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