My poem "After She Left"
Thu, 2007-03-22 03:26
#1
My poem "After She Left"
I would just like to know what people thought of my poem and what I could do to improve it.
april scenes
Here is the link to my poem: http://www.abctales.com/story/april-scenes/after-she-left
bobblehat2023
It doesn't really make sense.
The first three verses/sections in particular, literally don't mean anything in English in their current form.
The final two verses nearly makes sense but it's not clear if the final word is 'tears' as in crying or 'tears' as in 'he tears down the motorway in his four by four'.
The second use would make the sentence make sense but the first one seems more likely to fit in with the poem.
Is this a translation?
april scenes
Thanks. Yeah I was thinking about the first stanza and you're right it doesn't make much sense. I used the word "tears" as in "he tears the paper." I did that on purpose so it could be read as either word.
Thanks for the help.
bobblehat2023
No problem.
Obviously with poetry, you don't necessarily need to write in grammatically correct, full sentences.
But people do generally need to be able understand - on some level - the reasons why you're putting words together in the way that you are.