To all the infidels...

16 posts / 0 new

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Wed, 2003-06-04 18:25

If you ever thought about cheating on your girlfriend, or have cheated on her, you better make sure you know who her friends are and what powers they have. In this instance, a friend of mine was dating a guy for 4 months. He called her every day, told her he loved her and hinted at marriage and the like. But one day two weeks ago, he went on a trip and hasn't called her at all since, save for a message on her phone which sounded as if everything was normal between them. Come to find out, he was "e-cheating" on her for two months prior, and his trips were to visit women he met online. Unfortunately for him, she is resourceful and persistent, and I am devious and vengeful. She guessed his password (which, for those of you out there, never use your login name, password, or anything obvious as your password for things you want to protect) and saw in his account that he had been at this for awhile. Then she let me at it. And I wrote to every one of his ladies a confession, in the guise of him, just how "awful" he felt about the whole ordeal. Here's the letter:
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Hello there!

How have you been? I've been ok. Just been feeling awful about something…

You see, I've been dating someone seriously for the past 4 months, and I've told her all sorts of things, that I want to settle down with her and marry her, but I'm not so sure I want that. So instead of going by my standard of not being with someone I'm not happy with, and just telling her I want to break it off, I continued the lie, and looked for a "replacement" for her. In the meantime, I still enjoyed the splendors of a relationship; the sex, the intimacy, the devotion, the caring, the trust.

Funny how I expected her to trust me, while all along, I've been essentially cheating on her. I don't know why I'm telling you all this, since it would give you very little reason to trust me, and rightfully so. I mean, not only did I keep all this from her, but I didn't even have the balls to call her and tell her that it's over. I just left for trips to Boston and Florida to meet one of my various dates, and stopped calling her.

I called her once, acted like everything was fine, then haven't called her in what is now going on almost 2 weeks. I guess I'm not so good at breaking up, huh? I just felt like a terrible person for a while now, with all this dishonesty and lying and cheating. I guess I've even been kind of cheating on you, since I have various options right now. I don't even know what sort of things I've said to you. The game is just getting overwhelming. So I guess if you never want to talk to me again, that's fine. But you should call me and let me know how you feel. Confront me about all this, because it's apparent I have a hard time doing it on my own.

Wed, 2003-06-04 18:28

Andrea

I would NEVER cheat on my girlfriend! Perish the thought.

Wed, 2003-06-04 18:29

Jmparisi

Boyfriends, too :)

Wed, 2003-06-04 18:31

Andrea

Them neither...

Wed, 2003-06-04 18:33

ely whitley

Nice work, subtle. I excpected something like: "Dear Girls, I won't be seeing you much more in future as the website i've been setting up is now online. You can, naturally, all get a free subscription to "hiddencamwhores.com" if you remind me next time we meet. thanks for the good times and rest assured you're all stars, or will be soon.

Wed, 2003-06-04 20:16

Em1977

well aren't you all little cyber-sleuths!

Wed, 2003-06-04 20:59

Clingfilm Pants

Good work Agent Parisi.

Wed, 2003-06-04 21:34

jab16

This reminds me of those kind of people who put marbles in the medicine chest of their bathrooms, the idea being that when a nosy guest starts snooping around, the huge racket coming from behind the bathroom door will alert everyone to that guest's bad manners. Games, games, games...

Sun, 2003-06-08 10:29

Lord Sterling

Yes I concur. I had a little fling once. The Wife upstairs still thinks nothing happened. That is why I love being a lord. So many rooms in this great house that we hardly ever see each other... Here comes my African servant girl. Oh what it is to be massaged by someone so low and in the gutter. You should try it.

Thu, 2003-06-05 11:03

#10

tan63

hahaha... celebacy is the only way forward

Thu, 2003-06-05 11:10

#11

tan63

cel i bacy!

Thu, 2003-06-05 11:33

#12

faithless

this sounds really distasteful to me. was it a relationship these people had? or a vengeful war? sheesh. if i had found out that somebody had cheated on me, i would have ended it there and then, with no campaign or continuance, just being satisfied that i had found out early.. as for all this power and deviousness that you celebrate, i find a little emotional intelligence and humility far outweighs these two qualities as a constituent of an edifying life... i can't applaud you for any of this, because revenge is a loathsome ambition...and i suspect that anybody around you is going to be susceptible to your email cracking propensities....

Thu, 2003-06-05 11:43

#13

Liana

*feels alarmed, as is also a friend of justins*

Thu, 2003-06-05 11:48

#14

Clingfilm Pants

Marbles in the bathroom cabinet. Now there's an idea.

Thu, 2003-06-05 14:16

#15

ely whitley

'ts a good idea in principle but I just know I'd spend the first morning picking marbles up off the floor in my underpants with toothpaste dribbling out of my mouth. Besides how do you get them in there in the first place? you'd need to be a kerplunk champion or something. You could put them in a clingfilm parcel, then close the door enough to stop the marbles but allowing the clingfilm to be dragged out then creep away trying to stifle a whispery "dick dastardly' laugh and rubbing your hands together. I get the same kind of thrill waiting for someone to sit on a whoopy cushion. Call me immature, call me whatever you want but setting up a whoopy cushion and having it sat on by some unsuspecting victim is, without doubt, the funniest thing in the whole world by a country mile. I have plans for my future mother in law, now there's a relationship tester if ever I saw one but I can't resist.

Thu, 2003-06-05 15:29

#16

Jmparisi

oh, you're just worried that it'll happen to you... ;) I just defend my friends' honor. It wasn't so much the cheating that infuriated me, but the cheating coupled with the fact that the bastard couldn't even break up with her face to face, much less tell her they were broken up at all!

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