Why Am I Here?

Posted by Dark Fox on Thu, 11 Jun 2026

Well I guess it is time for a little update. My son's dad is being the worst person on the planet. In the last month which has included our son's birthday, he has just been the meanest man ever. Who knew leaving a bad situation would just land me into another?

My car broke down today, i have been told by my doctor that i need medication to keep me stable mentally and I just feel done. I feel like I am drowning. I feel not good enough to be a mother or a girlfriend or even a good friend. I am just done with life. Its so hard and unforgiving. It is just one thing after another and I am exhausted and think what is the point?

I have my son who wants to not be with me. He wants his dad all the time. He has a mobile I knew nothing about as his dad gave it to him and didn't tell me. My boyfriend, well from my point of view seems to be getting upset with me for being upset all the time over the ex doing things. The ex keeps blaming me for this situation and calling me toxic things like poisonous, repulsive amoung other things. I am so done for the time being. I can't even write anything except this as my mind is so far away.

I can't eat or sleep or concentrate on anything. Even writing this I have to read it to make sure it makes sense and that there are no mistakes when i post it.

I'm going to keep plodding on and hoping for the best but I don't deserve anything good. Why should I?

Comments

Submitted by celticman on

anything and everything I say (or write) will seem trite and pointless because that is the way your mind is set. Why Am I Here? Give yourself time and space to find the answers. 

 

Submitted by SoulFire77 on

A very wise man and his friends were travelling the countryside when an extremely angry man approached the wise one and began screaming insults and negativity at him. The angry man's face grew redder and redder a he tried to provoke the wise man into a fight.

The wise man said nothing. He stayed calm. Eventually, the angry man walked away.

The wise man's friends asked him why he didn't stick up for himself, but he only shook his head.

"Anger is a gift," he told them. "If you refuse to accept a gift, to whom does the gift belong?"

 

Dark Fox,

You are going to make it. Everyone here believes in you. 

- Jay

 

"Aquaint yourself with Him and be at peace, thereby GOOD will come to you." - Job 22:21

 

 

Submitted by Dark Fox on

Jay I loved your comment right up to the post script line. Right now my relationship with god doesn't exist as my ex used to bring god into everything. God doesn't love you if you do this. God is disappointed today because you saw your friends instead of staying home with me etc. but the story of the angry man is a good one.

Foxykay

Submitted by SoulFire77 on

I understand. I'm sorry you have been affected in such a way. Spritual growth is important in any person's life.

The "fruits" of the Spirit are Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control. These are the traits that grow in a person that talks to God, not just about God. It sounds like your ex was one of the latter.

The "wise man" in my story was Siddhartha Gautama. He told another story about two monks who encounter a woman trying to cross a creek. One of the monks, seeing her distress, picked her up and carried her across to the other side. He put her down and she thanked him and the two monks went on their way... The other monk was offended, however, because monks were forbidden to ever touch a woman. "I can't believe you picked that woman up and carried her on your back," he told the first monk. The first monk replied: "Brother, I put her down many miles back, but you are carrying her with you still."

Here is hoping you find a way to forgive, to live in peace. Breathe.
 

- Jay

 

Submitted by insertponceyfre... on

Nothing annoys an angry bully more than being ignored, so that's always my preferred option. Smile and nod,, or buy a pair of noise cancelling headphones (it's an investment!) - and I hope things look brighter soon. xx

 

Submitted by Dark Fox on

I agree about him being a bully. He wasn't always like it. When I met him, my life revolved around him. When I became more independent, that is when he turned into a different person and seemed to be annoyed at everything I did.

He is a bully and sometimes I think that I should not let my son near him but my son wants to spend time with him and I can't stop that.

Anyway, I write these things down so I don't get so bottled up.

Foxykay