Miracles, The Walking Street and a trainride.
Posted by Highhat on Wed, 12 Dec 2012
They do happen.
Some say you have to work to obtain and reach a goal.
Not my goal or your goal- a goal. I stopped working for anything about 2 years ago. I suffered a severe depression which knocked me off my feet and things have just not been the same since. Now, being off my feet so much of the time, I find my energy level extremely low.
I'm waiting for a miracle. To get my aching feet back on firm ground. To get my mojo working.
I'm full of doubt but it is definitely a miracle I need. I am more inclined to think I am on the precipice. I do suffer from SADs and I will be more than extatic when Spring arrives but judging by last Spring's arrival, I won't be working again. I keep saying- 'maybe'. That is hope-wishing and hoping . That something triggers me into motion. I am more of a mind that what is going to trigger me will be dramatic and that is a bad forecast. I don't know why I am so pessimistic. I never was before. I used to take things as they happened and I could also plan ahead. Now I hate planning ahead and I trudge through the day as though it was the last day of my life. I don't even look forward to the mornings anymore because I can't sit in the garden. It's too damn cold. Below zero these days- way below.
This is turning into a diary entry. Perhaps someone else who reads this, won't feel so alone with their adversaries- adversity(?)
I can't work anymore- not in a job or towards a goal.
Strange.It's like a part of my brain doesn't work. It's probably the part influenced by drugs. Yesterday I seriously considered going to Copenhagen and buying some grass. But my mind can't really take it. I always turn psychotic. It's such a pity because I like getting stoned- it's just unhealthy for me. I'm not strong enough. It's enough to break you.
One day I'll take the train to the capital, I'll walk down the Walking Street, I'll go to a café and I'll feel good and well for a while.
I'm wishing and hoping. Miracles do occur.