philwhiteland's blog

Getting Cross At Easter!

I probably shouldn't say this, but there are things about Easter that irritate me. I think it's a subject that warrants a little discussion, so bear with me. Just as an aside, that phrase 'bear with me' always makes me think of The Perishers in the Daily Mirror from years ago, where one of the characters had a bear called Gladly. It was called this because it had cross-eyes, from the hymn, 'Gladly , my cross I'd bear'. Seemed an appropriate...

Hours Not To Reason Why

I wrote this a few years ago and I thought it would be topical right now. I'm sure there's a flaw in my logic but I can't just....

Steak Pie

It was our 27th Wedding Anniversary the other week! Hmm? No, I quite agree, you don't get that for murder these days and no, I haven't heard that one before. What did we do? Well, I guess what any long-time married couple does. We spent a considerable amount of the day staring down a manhole in our garden. Well, actually, staring was the easy bit. Thrusting a high pressure hose down there, with all of the attendant blow-back, was slightly more...

Free Bull (other obstreperous animals are available)

Before you turn away with a sigh, this is not another expose of D.Trump esq. or his minions. You've probably got better things to do on a Wednesday, but I just wanted to tell you that today (8th March, 2017) for one day only, I'm giving away copies of my fourth collection of 'nostalgedy' stories, ' Giving A Bull Strawberries '. You might just find it amusing! (I'm not overdoing this 'hard sell', am I?)

The Unwrapping of the Anti-Present

A year or two ago, I wrote a Christmas story which featured an Anti-Santa (or, at least someone who pretended that was what they were). You can find it here , if you're interested. Writing about an Anti-Santa made me wonder if there was anything else of a negative nature tucked away in the festive season, which made me consider the role of the Anti-Present. Just to clarify, this doesn't mean being against the here and now. Nor is it a poorly...

A Christmas Tradition

Every year I try and add a little more to my Alternative Nativity, a slightly different telling of the Christmas story. However, I'm all out of inspiration this year (I think 2016 and the events of the world are rather weighing heavily on me) so I'm just going to have to encourage people to read the story so far, and hopefully find a few chuckles in the stable: The AlterNativity May I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a splendid New Year!

The First "Oh Hell!"

I've just emerged from that period of considerable uncertainty which is the time between publishing a book and getting the first review for it. You see, it's all very well to thrust your work out there to a generally indifferent public and get a few (in this case, very few) sales but it is quite another to find out what people actually thought of your magnum opus. The answer can be quite traumatic. Some time ago, I allowed myself to be flattered...

Having a crack at Christmas!

Every year, at around this time of year, I promise myself that I will finally get around to compiling a collection of my Christmas stories and, every year without fail, procrastination overtakes me and my window of opportunity gets frozen solid by the Jack Frost of bone idleness. The barmy part about all of this is that I often find myself (which can be a shock if you weren't looking for yourself in the first place) writing more things in the...

Getting To Know Me

There is absolutely no reason why anyone in their right mind would want to know more about me, and yet, in defiance of all rational thought, someone has interviewed me! I'm afraid I can't promise any tantalising insights into my sordid existence. In fact, it would seem to be the case that I'm just as boring as I always thought I was. However, if you're remotely interested (and it does, at least, feature a link to ABCtales) then here it is: https...

How Sweet To Be An Idiom

I used a phrase in a story the other day, which I thought was fairly commonplace, but someone commented that they were now going to add it to their lexicon ( see comment ). It made me realise just how much I rely on the use of idioms in my everyday speech, and in my writing. Frankly, I blame Readers Digest. Whenever I was waiting, either at the Doctor's surgery or the Dentist's (and waiting used to be the main feature of the NHS) as a child I...

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