Can't Write - Won't Write

An English A-Level teacher told be I was crap at it and that it was ludicrous for me even to consider University. I suppose I'm still trying to prove her wrong. Sometimes I think she was bloody right.

I have often felt a, b and c. I used to study visual art and grappled with the same misgivings. Destroyed all my coursework because I decided it was rubbish and pointless, gave up the course because I decided it was a self-indulgent waste of time. I think it's the same with all art forms; they are not really necessary, they don't put food on the table or clothes on your back unless you are a superstar, and they don't have any tangible benefits for their audience. At the end of the day you do it because you enjoy doing it and you hope other people might get something out of reading it/looking at it/listening to it/or whatever. At least that's my take on it. P.S Scratch, I for one am very glad you keep trying

Oh fellas. I think it's that final tweak with the terminal screwdriver just before we hit the catcher's glove in the maternity ward. The apprentice was standing in while the big man popped out for a piss and a crafty fag. You ARE writing FB. Please don't stop. I often feel like deleting my stuff but, so far... Most of the things are good while in my head, but most are not good reading. Have a look through comments on your stuff FB. Go by what others think. Just write because you do.

It sounds as if you have had a lot of satisfaction from writing in the past. I would think a) is the main point, and may be solved by some quite differnt reading/watching/listening/walking about. Me, I'd pray about it too. If there's something comes to mind eventually that you could say (to cheer someone up?), or should say, you'll probably want to get writing it down in one way or another? Rhiannon

It's the only thing I'm even slightly good at, and the only thing that makes me even remotely happy/gives me any sense of schievement. It makes me miserable and frustrated sometimes too, but that's another story.

Don't worry about it, fatboy. If it's a really bad feeling, just take a sabatical like the rest of us when we get into a 'dark moody'. As for 'nothing' to say, that's rubbish. You will always have something to say and it doesn't matter what it is. If you want to look at it like that, there's probably not much left that hasn't been said already. True originality is rare, but still happens. Most writers write because they can't help it and most of the time they are just rehashing a load of stuff that's already been said in their own way. But does it really matter? It's great to try and express yourself, and at the very least give a new twist on something old and hackneyed. If the well has dried up for the moment, don't worry about it. Go and have a few drinks (which is what Stan and myself do), bring back a takeaway curry and watch a mucky movie on the DVD, anything, something to take your mind off. You'll be back, fatboy, and by the way, your stuff is great, no matter how many times one reads it. Trev

Hi fatboy, I'm not sure what I can do to help, except tell you what a truly brilliant writer you are. I've loved every single piece you've posted on ABC and frequently go back to them. This image from your 'Charming Man': "Your straight A train was booked at birth, some leafy corner of a bookish quadrangle older than America, waiting for you to scratch your name into the crumbling stone." Has stayed with me for over a year - I think it's one of the most beautiful and breath-taking bits of poetry I've ever read. I showed it to my best friend here at Durham - another English Lit student - and she went home and read all your work and was seriously impressed. Also your poem 'I Can't Help Wishing Christopher' is one of my all-time favourite poems that have ever existed... ever. I was actually wanting to ask you if I could discuss it at a Durham University Poetry Society meeting? You're a bloody talented poet, fatboy, and I will miss you terribly if you choose to leave, as will everyone on ABC! Really hope to see you back soon! Magic xxx

Dont stop. Cant stop. You are a good writer. Take a break. Chill. But you wont ever stop. I had some poems published aged 10 or 11 and I was hooked. You are like me. Cant stop writing. Wont stop writing - we all hope. Linda

All I can do is share my own experience. It's a funny old game, but the moment I realised I was never going to be as good as Orwell or Salinger (about six months ago, straight after reading some poetry at an Abc night) was the moment I unwittingly began to grow as a writer. Strangely enough, this was also the moment I thought my writing career was over. By seeing that I'd hidden behind the facade of 'writer' all my adult life, fully aware that I'd wasted so much time chasing the ultimate hedonistic lifestyle, smashing this lazily put together facade, which I thought would offer me heavenly insight to all things in good time, had been absolute poison to my growth, but also entirely necessary. Once I'd taken it on the chin that I wasn't the re-incarnation of Jesus with a bit of Lennon thrown in, I saw that by sharing (love, words, all things good), there's always more left over for me, and that when I hold onto things, I lose them in the end, or they become irrelevant. If I have something to say I write it down and if I haven't I try and keep schtum. One thing I do know now is that writing is in my blood. It's preposterous to imagine a life without it but my wishes have changed in the last few months. I'm finding great joy from watching other writers blossom and trying to help them get their work in order for publication, which will happen if it can be nurtured properly. I thrive from encouraging certain writers I truly believe in. While I don't want anything in return apart from maybe a thank you, deep down I think I'm testing the water to see if I could be of use as a literary agent/editor and/or an indy publisher. I'm just seeing what happens next. Basically, I'm a hyper-sensitive word-loving oddball with an eye for talent. I'm not Hemingway, and the realisation that I was always full of fear that I wasn't as good as the next man/woman, coupled with the misled notion that I was inherently better than everyone else and didn't need to try (in short, lazy and deluded) is a real breakthrough for me. My priorities and goals have changed, and continue to. It's an amazing thing to watch a writer develop and be given the opportunity to help them reach their potential. I think I'm right in saying that you're one of the editors on Abc. That's something I don't think I could ever do. It's entirely selfless, a voluntary service that can make a huge difference to people's lives. You've watched the day to day progress of hundreds of writers on the site and maybe it's taken its toll and caught you in a quandry about your own priorities, but be usre to know that having done this will work wonders for your future writing and your life in general. By being of use to others, my mind is flying higher than ever and I'm seeing and feeling things in life now that I previously assumed were reserved for my taking of lysergic acid. That said, I have the luxury of picking and choosing who and when I read. You may have the luxury of taking or leaving a drink, but either way it's an empty promise that going out for a good old drink-up will set you right and while you may put the world to rights (yeah, right), all that'll come of it is a laugh that would appal you if you heard it sober, a stinking headache and maybe a quick puke plus the obligatory empty wallet. Depression used to be a really dirty word for me but it was only when I accepted I've been prone to it almost all my life (which was the reason I used fixes as a way out) that I could get a handle on it. Depression has always been a part of my life but it's not an enemy now. I don't know you very well but what I do know is that you're a massively integral part of this site without whom it would never be the same again. As a member of this incredible literary fellowship, I know that I belong and that to leave would be like walking away from myself, an experience I know all too well. I hope this has helped in some way.

You write because you can. If you can't or won't that's ok too. The world does not wait, or stoep turning, as you say, but hey sometimes we can make it a nicer place by writing.

Ah FB, I wonder why you don't like a lot of your work when so many seriously good writers think it's brilliant?.... ' I have genuinely nothing interesting to say (and am not sure I ever have)' Dis-proven by this forum already. Craig Raine has released his first collection of poems for a decade...so no-one can create ALL the time, (do read him, he's excellent) Ideas will come, like spring. Don't really have an answer to your question though, still trying to figure that one out myself, something like, it's purely for me, of me. To make something from nothing.

Don't go changing... ;-)

I love these discussions, because they get right to the nub. I think that writers, like everyone, have something to prove. We don't write in a vacuum. There are other elements, but we write for personal fulfillment, for that dirty word 'recognition', which I think is a form of external love. I'm sure if the idea of true self love is either fully achievable or a worthy goal to pursue. Perhaps it's the only worthy goal and all other forms of support are transitory or chimeric. This external love is tied to hope I think; hope is allied to or synonymous with a sense of lack, a feeling that the present moment is not enough and that there is more to this, more and better to come. Sometimes we feel we've received enough praise or a fair portion of it; you might have just got a cherry, or had a poem published, so you say to yourself that what you did worked, and you achieved and you can feel satisfied. And here's the but: the satisfaction is temporary and life moves on and erodes your sense of satisfaction. Serious writing is the means by which you posit a future for yourself in which you have achieved this recognition, in which you sincerely believe that you will have achieved fulfillment. In the moment you write, you seem to have solved the perennial problem of isolation and lack of external love. The soul or the psyche or some other nefarious expression of the motivating animus inside the human being is always looking for this fulfillment, this perfection. Another word to use might be catharsis. You cannot achieve this catharsis without a sanctioning audience, without people who (you believe) have approved of what you say or think. So there's no such thing as writing for oneself, writing because it's in the blood, or any such harmless non sequitur. I'm writing this now to be heard and to be valued. If we want to club together and support each other then this is fine and good to a point, but it comes with a fair measure of disingenuousness, since each individual is seeking the alternative future for himself and is not wholly or primarily concerned with the fate of the other writer. There is nothing dirty, I suppose, about selfishness, and a serious writer has to be selfish. At the end of it all, we are separate from each other, divided, and real art honours this notion. I think that the thing that merges or unites the writer to something worthwhile is his quest for authenticity and for truth. If you can write the truth, or versions or fascimiles of it, people will be ineluctably drawn to it. They will want to consume it; and so many extraordinary things have been expressed in writing that elevate, and nourish us. But this process has not extinguished the original motive of the author and without his ambition, no truth would have come, and in a loose sense, we would be all the worse for it. And then as he writes his ego diminishes, but I'm not sure that it necessarily needs to. So the result is an odd combination of the individual will and some form of an exciting and enticing representation of objective reality. No one needs bad writing but everyone needs good writing.

Oh, fb, I do know how you feel and it's clear from the comments above that others do too. "Why do we write," you ask. I suspect that there are as many answers to that as there are people who write. There may be a bit of overlap here and there but all the answers would be, I'm sure, subtly different. Seeing as what we all do have in common is that we've posted contributions on here, I think it could be said with some degree of confidence that we're all seeking some sort of confirmation. Not perhaps any real expectation that we'll ever be published but at least a wish that some other person might see value in what we've done. That may not butter many parsnips but it is worth something I think. It's like this. I wouldn't have the cheek to call myself a poet ... but I can say that I write poetry. And no-one in their right mind (which excepts me of course) would call me a writer of novels ... but I have written a novel. The thing is - does one really want to be defined like that anyway? I dunno - I've come to the conclusion that I write quite simply to amuse myself. The extra thing (not an expectation but a hope) is that it would be nice if some others are amused too. Like you, I'm currently suffering from a creative drought. I've no idea whether or not it'll rain on me again though I take some comfort from the thought that it's always raining somewhere. Perhaps I'm just in the wrong place at the moment. 'Hope springs eternal' they say, and I for one subscribe to that. So, I deliberately venture forth without hat or umbrella knowing that the perversities of this world make it therefore more likely that it'll piss down. Enough of that though I do want to say one more thing. Mostly, I avoid contributing to forum topics of this kind because, the old cynic that I undoubtedly am, I find them somewhat self-indulgent. But your body of work I think, taken as a whole, is the one that I hold in highest esteem on the site. Being a lazy bastard, that doesn't mean I'll comment very often I'm afraid, but it does mean that you, and your work, are valued. Helvigo Jenkins

a) I have genuinely nothing interesting to say (and am not sure I ever have) Perhaps you should just let the reader decide if you have anything interesting to say. If people are reading it then it must be interesting. Personally, if I don't have anything to say then I look for something interesting in the world around me and don't stop looking till I've found an idea. I may not be interesting but the world sure is. Try writing something that is out of character for you; like a genre that you normally never write or read. b) It has all been said before in an infinite number of ways. A bit like all music being made up of the same 12 notes or all Genomes being made up of the same letters. I think that poets and writers have even more building blocks to play with than musicians; a whole world of ideas If there's anything new under the sun then I'll keep looking till I've found it. I find that brainstorming often helps; writing down odd ideas and seeing which ones fit together. Or taking some old idea and trying to twist it into something original. I also do what inventors do; look for a problem that needs a solution. My story "The stranger stranger" was inspired by the TV programme Room 101; one guest wanted to put 'People who sit infront of you at the cinema and block your view' into Room 101 and so I took that as a starting point for my story. c) When I read my old stuff, I am unhappy with nearly all of it. Looking on the bright side, perhaps that means that you've matured and grown as a writer. I don't think that any piece of writing or art is ever really finished. You probably already recycle old bits of writing. Thats all I can suggest, make something new out of the old. I find it difficult to throw writing away because there's always a chance that I'll rewrite it and improve it one day.

I write because it gives me more time to express what I want to say in the way that I want to say it. I can be a bit tongue tied in face to face conversation but I can hide behind words not in a malicious way but in a more daring way than perhaps I would in conversation. I haven't read any of your work I don't think but judging by what other writers have said above then it sounds as if it is my loss and something I intend to rectify this minute. I hope you recover your enthusiasm for writing as it sounds like you would be a real loss to the site. Moya

Perhaps we should form our own coterie for tongue tied writers as already we can muster three members! Bagsy I'm in charge of subscriptions! Moya

If only I could find someone who would agree with me! Is this a warm up for your next movie, Trev? Lights, Camera, Action! Take 1... Three people are stood in conversation only no one is speaking. Then the action moves to next scene where all three are in different locations and writing furiously... I like it so far Moya

I get that for a few months. Then- ping- inspiration and desire to write appears. So don't worry, it's not gone for good :)

What is this thing with buses? Seems we should form a group called 'Writers on thr Bus'. I have done much of my writing on buses (I am not talking graffiti I mean in a notebook) as in my 208 bus story. I often feel reserved and tongue-tied in my peer groups, leaving others to make the points I have in my head but hesitate to make myself as to me is it a statement of the bleeding obvious, so others get the brownie point and cuedos and I just look daft and/or morose. I find buses a great place to meet people or just observe, and thereby get inspiration. Recently I have not been doing long bus journeys and my whole life has changed, I have found my inspiration is somewhat drying up and I am tempted to use my bus pass to make journeys just for writing purposes - til I remember the elbows in my earhole etc as in my London Transport poem. I'm off again! Sorry about the self-advertising folks but I think the point I am getting to is that inspiration comes in unexpected ways and places and in the end we just have to chill, take it as it comes and just be open and alert to all suggestions. now where's that Bus Pass?

Indrani Ananda Fatboy74 I've just read some of your writing. Quit that despondency and get that pen mobile again!. You write from the heart - you know how to wring the tears from the stone. I've had phases of this, too, especially with my painting. It's the "what's-the-use" despondency syndrome kicking in, that's all. But it's serious too. Inspiration is all around us, but what we writers really need is appreciation - the biggest incentive to creativity ever. If you know for certain your work will be read - you will write; if your work is being published, you will write more. If your work is revered or broadcast your talent will know no bounds. It's a lack of incentive that drags us down - which makes us only scribble when we feel like it. As a songwriter I write songs only now and then - but if I had a recording contract, believe me, it would be two a day. And when you see the thousands of poets on these sites all hoping to be appreciated, it's truly daunting, the sense of futility is compounded, especially when one realises what a cinderella among the arts poetry is deemed to be, the lack of incentive nags at one's confidence, indeed, so badly sometimes that authors destroy their own work.