I always seem to muck up posting links, but lets see if this one works...

http://www.abctales.com/lisa_hinsley/my_demon

Dam, the above didn't work as a link!

Lisa,

You wanted some crit on this piece of work. Now I'm probably the least able to offer you advice from an experienced writers point of view, so I'm going to speak as a reader only.

Gold Dust's Calendar Call

Gold Dust magazine is proud to announce that we are calling for submissions for our first calendar for 2006.

We want your poetry and your photographs.

We will be displaying a poem with a photograph for each month.

Poetry:

I haven't just got up, honest, I've been up for ages doing housework.
Anyway, I was standing at the sink washing the dishes earlier, and daydreaming as you do. (Oh the joys of a mundane life where you can let the mind freely wander), when I started thinking about how appearances can be so deceptive. Dont judge a book by it's cover and all that, and it made me think of an incident a few weeks ago.

http://www.abctales.com/lisa_hinsley/ralph_and_the_package

This is just so cheeky and irreverent Lisa...
made me laugh a lot though :o)
Reminded me somehow of Poetjude.

Alter alter to Altar
and angle to angel
and god may just forgive you :o)

Can anyone help me by giving me some advice over my last posted piece, 'My Demon'? It is the first chapter of a book that I'm in the middle of writing (75% written) and I would very much appreciate people telling me what's wrong/how I can improve.

Thank you in advance!!!

Lisa