Autobiographies of Dubious Authenticity
By pepsoid
Autobiographies... of Dubious Authenticity!
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- 3022 reads
Cats, Toast and the Vengeful House Imp
It was a clear, cool autumnal morning, when the neighbourhood cats became obsessed with my toast. Not just slightly interested. Not just sniffing curiously at the edges. Obsessed - in a full-on Stephen King / Steve Buscemi eyes / psychopathic stalker kind of a way. It was disturbing, freaky, not to mention downright abnormal behaviour for a creature of the feline persuasion. I've never seen cats act this way before. Marmosets, dingoes and aardvarks, yes, but never cats. Let me tell you what happened¦
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- 2441 reads
I Was Behind a White Van at the Time
I was stuck there. An old lady was rummaging in her handbag at one end and someone was scooping poop at the other. The white van was parked three...
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- 1155 reads
It's a Bit Draughty on the Moon
Some people think there is no atmosphere on the moon. There is no air, therefore there can be no wind. I beg to differ.
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- 1384 reads
Ridiculous
The wind made me think of Oz and then suddenly there was a yellow brick road.
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- 1036 reads
Spirituation
The god with the springy eyes...
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- 629 reads
Squirrels
I got on a train today and was accosted by a gang of squirrels. Actually, it was a gang of aliens dressed as squirrels...
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- 2637 reads
Superish
I am Neo! I am The One! I am the Man of Steel! I am the Dark Knight! I am the Shield Against the Darkness! I am the Fire in the Ice! I am the Hammer...
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- 533 reads
The Big Spinny Thing
At first it appeared in people's minds.
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- 773 reads
The Ladder Lady
She is a mirage in the desert...
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- 655 reads
Custardhat
"What is the meaning of this incongruity?"
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- 619 reads
The Journey
I arise from sleep, switch on the bedside lamp and I am not troubled by memories of a dark and best-forgotten past.
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- 1461 reads
The Man on the Train
'Never discuss sex, politics or religion with a stranger,' said the man on the train. After which he proceeded to explain to me why monogamy was an unnatural state, Tony Blair was an idiot and the Catholic Church was run by gamblers, drunks and perverts.
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- 1574 reads
Live Surgery!
'What kind of a Surgeon's Assistant are you?' I said to my girlfriend, as we left the house. 'I'm not a Surgeon's Assistant,' she said, as she handed me the keys. 'Hence why I don't have a scalpel.' 'Fair point,' said I, as we trotted merrily on our way to Sainsburys. On the way to Sainsburys, we came upon a junction. A junction with a sign. A sign upon a signpost, attached to which were three other signs, which gave distances and directions to various places. But the sign which our eyes had alighted upon read thus... [ Live Surgery! 2 Miles! This Way! ] 'Live Surgery?' said I. '2 miles?' 'Curious,' said my girlfriend.
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- 1865 reads
Another World (a true story of railway confusion)
I got off the train today and thought I was in another world. It turned out I wasn’t; the train had just stopped at the platform further back than...
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- 463 reads