I have 7 stories published in
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My stories have been read 9672 times
and 6 of my stories have been cherry picked. 5 of my 43 comments have been voted Great Feedback with a total of 5 votes
(11: 22) Profoundly uncomfortable, I unzipped my bag and fished around inside without looking, faking nonchalance while keeping my eyes fixed on the...
5 of my comments have received 5 Great Feedback votes
1 Vote
I liked the style of this,
Posted on Sun, 03 Aug 2014
I liked the style of this, lots of things given new character through metaphor. The only constructive criticism I can think to offer is regarding the use of "grow" in the first stanza when you also have "growing up" - is there another, more...
This flows well and the narrative voice is solid - you've created a protagonist people can relate to. I suggest going through and checking your tenses, as it flicks from past to present a few times: "place was packed...She wore (past)...she jumps...
This is a solid poem, skilfully structured with a great rhythm. The little bits of green and untouched nature scattered around a city can jump out at us all the more because of their surroundings; I think concrete provides a good contrast and...
This captures the fear and uncertainty of being human really well. There are no warranties for life, no way to peek a few chapters ahead and decide whether to stick with this book or discard it for something more promising. The future can eat us...
I liked the style of this,
Posted on Sun, 03 Aug 2014
I liked the style of this, lots of things given new character through metaphor. The only constructive criticism I can think to offer is regarding the use of "grow" in the first stanza when you also have "growing up" - is there another, more...
Read full commentPosted in Art Deco Child
This flows well and the
Posted on Sun, 03 Aug 2014
This flows well and the narrative voice is solid - you've created a protagonist people can relate to. I suggest going through and checking your tenses, as it flicks from past to present a few times: "place was packed...She wore (past)...she jumps...
Read full commentPosted in Out of Control-5
This is a solid poem,
Posted on Sat, 24 Aug 2013
This is a solid poem, skilfully structured with a great rhythm. The little bits of green and untouched nature scattered around a city can jump out at us all the more because of their surroundings; I think concrete provides a good contrast and...
Read full commentPosted in Nature in the City
This captures the fear and
Posted on Tue, 15 Nov 2011
This captures the fear and uncertainty of being human really well. There are no warranties for life, no way to peek a few chapters ahead and decide whether to stick with this book or discard it for something more promising. The future can eat us...
Read full commentPosted in Me, Myself, I and my Other