Seigyoku No Yakusoku: Baby Blue

The first in my light novel series. I am planning to have it published officially, complete with character art and biographies. I am still wondering if it is safe to post it up here and I've had a past history of art and work theft happen to me. I am putting this up here for critique and review. Please be brutal, but reasonable. Truthful but not over the top, when you comment. I do want to make this the best it can be before it goes public and for sale.