The Voltarol Years
Ahead of the release of the new Half Man Half Biscuit Album, The Voltarol Years, on 25 February, I have set myself the challenge of writing 14 stories based on the 14 song titles on the new album by the time of the release date.
The titles are as follows:
I’m Getting Buried In The Morning
Rogation Sunday’s Here Again!
Awkward Sean
Tess Of The Dormobiles
Grafting Haddock In The George
Big Man Up Front
When I Look At My Baby
Beneath This Broken Headstone
In A Suffolk Ditch
Persian Rug Sale At The URC
Midnight Mass Murder
Token Covid Song
Slipping The Escort
Oblong Of Dreams
- 986 reads
Awkward Sean
Sean never applied to become an angel, at no point in his life did he aspire to angelic status. But when he died, instead of being greeted by a...
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- 283 reads
Beneath This Broken Headstone
Father Percival was minding his business when Joss Aitken burst into the church, shouting excitedly. "I've found a slug. I've found a slug." Joss was...
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- 422 reads
Big Man Up Front
"We need to put the big man up front. Get him on all the politics shows criticising the PM and showcasing how he'd be different." "Yeah, the Prime...
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- 506 reads
Grafting Haddock in the George
Haddock, haddock, haddock, all I ever see is haddock. My life revolves around haddock. I'm haddock-grafter at the George, which is an intensive role...
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- 2902 reads
I’m Getting Buried In The Morning
I woke to the noise of the radio news announcing I was to be buried today. ‘My God’, I thought, as my brain pained into wakefulness, ‘I’ve been dead...
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- 201 reads
Midnight Mass Murder
The stadium was full. No accurate count was taken, but it was reckoned that there were something in the region of 950,000 people present, some...
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- 487 reads
Oblong of Dreams
"Where do you get your ideas from?" people often ask me. I've written 500 stories to date in spite of (and I quote my English teacher here) 'no...
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- 607 reads
Persian Rug Sale At The URC
Hesketh was enjoying being on the planning committee for the Persian rug sale. He was new to the church and to the area, and this was a good...
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- 479 reads
Rogation Sunday’s Here Again!
Eric was new to the parish, but had found everyone friendly so far, and was regularly being dragged to some event or other by one of his new...
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- 505 reads
Slipping The Escort
As a dedicated peer of the realm I am so dedicated to my work that I am prone to overlook my own concerns. Which is how I found myself in the Chief...
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- 443 reads
Tess Of The Dormobiles
Kelly said. "We never slept together." "Really?" I said. "Only I remember meeting you at a Yard Act gig in Manchester over the summer and afterwards...
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- 276 reads
Token Covid Song
It was unlike their manager to call a meeting out of nowhere. "It's Derek," said Jez, "He wants an urgent zoom call." "Perhaps we've sold a record,"...
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- 6 comments
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- 772 reads
When I Look At My Baby
When I look at my baby I realise that my youth has ended, early, abruptly and totally When I look at my baby I understand how unprepared I am for the...
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- 287 reads