insertponceyfrenchnamehere
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I have 17 stories published in
one collection on the site.
My stories have been read 571651 times
and 170 of my stories have been cherry picked.
2566 of my 15,789 comments have been voted Great Feedback with a total of 2626 votes
A very honest piece. A sense
Posted on Wed, 17 Feb 2016
A very honest piece. A sense of disassociation from the world, lonliness and frustration.
If you'd like feedback I'd suggest you lose the introductory piece in capitals. Perhaps add it at the end (but not in caps - that looks quite shouty...
Read full commentPosted in I awoke today. A Physical Sense Gone, How Did I Get Here?
Awful how words can destory
Posted on Wed, 17 Feb 2016
Awful how words can destory someone isn't it. If it's fiction, it's very convincing
Read full commentPosted in BEST DAYS OF YOUR LIFE?
Hello Tom - there's a real
Posted on Mon, 15 Feb 2016
Hello Tom - there's a real wealth of detail in this piece. For feedback I would suggest that you simplify your language a little. Did you use a thesaurus? Some of the words you've chosen don't have the meaning I think you wanted
Welcome to...
Read full commentPosted in The effluvium by the sea.
now I'm enjoying this! I like
Posted on Thu, 11 Feb 2016
now I'm enjoying this! I like the ambiguity of the relationship between the two men - the way it seems to have more depth than in the previous parts. I think there's more balance in this part too, between action and backstory, although I...
Read full commentPosted in The Net Caster (Part Three)
hahah - Bee they are
Posted on Mon, 08 Feb 2016
hahah - Bee they are brilliant! I think I've come across photos of them while searching for pictures for your Journey series. I do hope you're going to write the knitter a thank you poem and direct her to ABCTales to read it? (and the rest of...
Read full commentPosted in Knitted Knockers
Me too! You might want to
Posted on Mon, 01 Feb 2016
Me too! You might want to remove one of the two consequentlys here:
Consequently, a young gentleman was often judged on the size of his folly. Consequently, any young unmarried gentleman who never displayed his ha-ha to his intended was...
Read full commentPosted in A Notorious Historical Dandy
Prologues are definitely not
Posted on Mon, 18 Jan 2016
Prologues are definitely not old hat when they're as good as this one. I'll leave the pork pie and dinner date for someone else but will just highlight the tiny bit of comic genius that made me snigger:
'St Diodatis, patron saint of...
Read full commentPosted in Highly Strung
A nice start. I like the slow
Posted on Sun, 17 Jan 2016
A nice start. I like the slow introduction of the typical English beach stuff, and then all the gradual clues that it's far from typical. I'd definitely like to read more and find out what happens!
Read full commentPosted in Bullets Over Broadstairs
how about keeping the
Posted on Tue, 12 Jan 2016
how about keeping the kamikaze mention on the TV documentary, then have dead german pilots/bombers in the man's memories. I think the Japanese only operated in the East and against the Us forces. You'd really lose something if you had to do away...
Read full commentPosted in As long as sea beats on stone
A well-painted authentic
Posted on Thu, 07 Jan 2016
A well-painted authentic picture albeit a grim one. There are a couple of places where the present tense shouldn't be.
Read full commentPosted in The Drop Zone
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