A middle-class lady bought two female parrots, Polly and Dolly, but was shocked to discover that they kept shouting out rude and inappropriate remarks. She sought advice from her parish priest about curing them of this embarrassing situation. The priest was mortified at the things the parrots were shouting. Polly squawked provocatively, “Do you fancy some hanky-panky?” Dolly screeched rudely, “Would you risk it for a biscuit?” The priest then...

We will shortly be announcing another two signings. Both men. Not to detract from their testosterone fuelled ability, but we would love to hear from more women, to redress the hormone imbalance.

Radio 4 is our only well-known channel which is about words not music. Where do they get their material from? The formats often feel 'tired' and threadbare. How do 'us lot' get in there? I suspect unless we are very lucky or a known name our work sinks to the bottom of a barely glanced at submissions pile. Could one of our editors approach them and get a regular half hour, call it 'easy as Abc?' or something. It would be win-win because Radio 4...

The horribles are expecting some goodies soon, perhaps in my name or one I prevously used before being hidden. I know this because I'm being kept seriously awake night and day.

Yet again we've had lots of really good writing on the site this week - wonderful to read and difficult to choose between. Story of the Week goes to 'Afternoon Angel' by ice rivers, a combination of memoir, tribute, and mystery, beautifully written: https://www.abctales.com/story/ice-rivers/afternoon-angel Poem of the week is 'Buttershaw, South Bradford' by ralph, which skilfully merges the everyday with a dream of a different place and a...

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b09m6dq6/miriams-big-american-adve... You know the format, actress Miram Margoyles, a self-proclaimed fat, Jewish, lesbian old lady, travels across America finding out what’s what or who’s who or something intelligible to report or see. Here she visits a summer camp in Indiana. Stars and stripes and saluting the flag, hand on the chest at 7am in the morning, type of place. That’s how you build a nation...

Raglan castle in Monmouthshire, south-east Wales, was one of the last medieval castles to be built in the British Isles. Construction first began about the middle of the 15th century and was commissioned by one William Thomas, who was described as the ‘lesser son of a minor family’. He was, however, active in local politics and very attentive to the noble young ladies of the day, eventually marrying two wealthy heiresses in quick succession,...

Some of my past work is in the Womens' Library, currently housed on the top two floors of the London School of Economics. Back in the days of second stage feminism I wrote opinion pieces, book reviews, poetry and a short story for the Edinburgh Women's Liberation Newsletter and my pieces are in files on shelves in the open collection. I decided to photocopy them while they were still there. The Women's Library, previously the Fawcett Library has...

Ellie came calling. She’s 9 years old (going on 25) and is the middle child of our eldest daughter, Karen. Bright and chatty, she’s just recently began to take pride in her personal appearance after being very much a tomboy since babyhood. She alarmed me slightly when she suddenly announced that there was a hot boy she really fancies. Fortunately, it’s a teenage boy she sees on Youtube who plays some of the latest pop music. Her favourite song...

Last pick of 2017 very kindly chosen by Joe Lawrence: Tough, tough, tough, and I don’t mean my Turkey on Christmas Day! That’s how it was trying to award Story and Poem Of The Month for December. So many to choose from but there can only be one winner in each category. Poem Of The Month goes to Agnosticnun with Home, with family, with scars. https://www.abctales.com/story/agnosticnun/home-family-scars It’s a wish list for things that shouldn’t...