Air guitar lamp incident
New poems, 2011.
It was like the two of us had murdered someone; I had accidentally tripped an electrician down the stairs and now he was tied up in the boot of your car.
This is the jacket for you, my friend,’ he says and before I realise it my arm is at a right angle as he slips it on.
But the thing about praying, they used to tell us at Sunday School. is that it cannot be selfish
there is something comforting about a warehouse space where a group of people try to rebuild a lifesize woolly mammoth
Nothing beats being inconsolable seeing my friends worried faces, not knowing how to deal with me. 'I've never seen him like this,' I want them to say as I am writhing on the floor, howling,
he's not waiting for someone if he was he'd have checked his phone or watch or looked over his shoulder
“That was the day I realised” he'll tell Matthew Wright on Channel 5. An anecdote about a patio chair snapping in two.
I make a note of another dinner party on the calendar on my office wall and look at the paintings
You can share my jumpers sometimes I'll wear your shoes if I need to nip outside to take the bin out
I had accidentally tripped an electrician down the stairs and now he was in the boot of your car.
That's why I've been walking up and down the road wearing my The End is Nigh sandwich board
I wish I didn't find it so implausible that a spaceship could land beside me on Brighton beach
tomorrow you will be Batman and I will be Robin. The other customers looked confused at the sight of us in fancy dress lycra
the assistant Director of Photography died in a warehouse fire last Christmas.
that odd contradiction of screaming your tits off with the tranquillity of breast stroke.
All we need is a few billionaires to put their hands in their pockets.
you spread out your arms and made the plane noise ‘zooooooooooooooooooooom’
I’m normally good at these sensitive things Once I saw a girl crying on the street It was eleven am and I said are you okay and she said no
I was in a bad mood but then Katie sent me a photograph of a sandcastle.
The little boy has heard stories That the churchyard near the seaside has ghosts.
people who enjoy strolls round cathedrals and popping into antiques shops wouldn’t like it