An Illustrated Compendium of London Monsters

I had this idea about doing a book of London monster poems for children - they have a bit of a mix of tone at the moment and obviously kids won't get some of the reference, but might rejig them all to be kid-friendly... I want to do a range of illustrations to go with them...


Hey Caribou, I think your ideas are really interesting. I particularly enjoyed 'The Sandwich monster' and 'Veggie Monster'. I think the language of 'Veggie' is the most appropriate to children and similarly I think that 'Swamp Monster' needs to be edited to remove the profanity as it dilutes the group of poems as a whole. Keep going though, it will be interesting to see more of a similar vein.

Swamp Monster

I am a cockney swamp monster What lives down by the Thames I deserted my swamp a while back, see Deserted my swamp monster friends Now I swim down by the Sarf Bank

A Royal Monster

One is a Royal monster A monster of the Crown One cannot abide commoners Or those from out of town One loves cakes and crumpets At three on the dot each day

Sea Monster

The city lights, they beckoned me Even the smog and the muck appealed So I packed up my monster belongings And ventured further afield I arrived at Kings Cross on the 10.33

Veggie Monster

I’m the veggie monster I’ve got big clumpy feet I’ve got hair from my top to my bottom And there’s just one thing I like to eat It’s not children, insects or vermin

The Sandwich Monster

I am the sandwich monster of Goodge Street I gobble a thousand a day Don’t ask me what my favourite filling is It’s impossible for me to say But I do love a ‘cheese and copper’ bap

Hampstead Pond Monster

Up on the heath in the murkiest pond Lives the smallest of monsters Just three inches long The frogs have adopted him As one of their own The newts...

Crystal Palace Monster

I arrived expecting a palace That's what the guidebook said I had my backpack, some grapes and a roll Sun cream, a hat on my head Imagine my...

Pickpocket Monster

I'll tiptoe up behind you You'll barely know I'm there I'll nick your sweets and your money I'll swipe your teddy bear I'll charm you with my smile...

Big Ben Monster

Guess where I live? No luck? Guess again! It's fantastic and it's marvellous I live inside Big Ben! Big Ben is really the bell of course Bet you...