My Life Oy Vey

A Friendship Cemented.

A FRIENDSHIP CEMENTED SCENE: A BUILDING SITE. IT IS HOT. IT IS LUNCHTIME. TWO MEN ARE SITTING ON A PILE OF BRICKS; THEY ARE STRIPPED TO THE WAIST. THEY ARE ABOUT TO EAT THEIR LUNCH.

Birch The Bastards!

just came across this last night when I was going through old stuff from my short stay at Ruskin College in Oxford. The college had a small green space with quite simply the largest Silver Birch tree I had ever seen. And I mean huge, I'd only ever seen the average size Silver Birches one normally sees. This was the size of an Oak. There was a bench surrounding it and I spent many an evening under it doing 2 of my favourite things; gettting drunk and watching people. I went in one Monday morning and it was gone!!!!!!! Nowt, nothing, nyada. (Oh I love trees by the way.) The context is important here: It was the afternoon class and we had to listen to people reading what I felt to be rather tame and dull prose and poetry. People were drifting off but I was fuming about the tree. We were given the task of writing a few lines about something that was on your mind at the moment. Nice one. People were falling asleep: It came to my turn. I barked:

Crocodile Tears.

There's a report out that stress can kill crocodiles. Scene: The Jungle. Some Crocodiles are in conversation. Lou grabbed another tissue from the box and dabbed feebly at his eyes. "What's up Lou?" said Marvin his best friend. "I haven't been sleeping recently" Lou snuffled. "Why's that?" snorted Marvin. "It's those damned digging machines that seem to go on all through the night for that new highway that Man is digging through the jungle" said Lou stertorously. "Yes I know" said Marvin "there was a time when all a croc had to worry about, was ending up in Bond st. as a handbag or a pair of shoes. "But now Man is chopping down the Jungle he's destroying the ozone layer, polluting the seas, George Bush is going to Invade Iran and the word is Margaret Thatcher has intimated that she may come out of retirement and run for leader of the Conservative party".