There's a report out that stress can kill crocodiles.
Scene: The Jungle. Some Crocodiles are in conversation.
Lou grabbed another tissue from the box and dabbed feebly at his eyes. "What's up Lou?" said Marvin his best friend. "I haven't been sleeping recently" Lou snuffled. "Why's that?" snorted Marvin. "It's those damned digging machines that seem to go on all through the night for that new highway that Man is digging through the jungle" said Lou stertorously. "Yes I know" said Marvin "there was a time when all a croc had to worry about, was ending up in Bond st. as a handbag or a pair of shoes. "But now Man is chopping down the Jungle he's destroying the ozone layer, polluting the seas, George Bush is going to Invade Iran and the word is Margaret Thatcher has intimated that she may come out of retirement and run for leader of the Conservative party".
"Oh don't don't don't, please stop it" shrieked Lou bursting into a fit of uncontrollable weeping, "it's more than a croc can stand. "Yes we Gavials are prone to stress" said Marvin. "Wossa Gavial?" said Shane a young croc who'd just shuffled up to see what all the fuss was about. "Ennit one of those hammers that the old 'Beak' bangs down on his desk when he wants order in the court?" he snivelled. "God stripe me" snorted Marvin "no it ain't, and if you took that flaming ipod out of your ear you might learn something!" "No the gavials are our cousins in India who are dropping like flies due to the amount of people washing in the Ganges and polluting it. "They do all kinds of rum things in it so I'm told". "Yep" said Shane "there won't be many of us left soon, I heard it on John Craven's Newsround". This proved too much for poor old Lou who went into a paroxysm of sobbing and had a heart seizure and died.
"Oh well" observed Marvin, "looks like lachrymosity killed the Croc!"