Birch The Bastards!

just came across this last night when I was going through old stuff from my short stay at Ruskin College in Oxford. The college had a small green space with quite simply the largest Silver Birch tree I had ever seen. And I mean huge, I'd only ever seen the average size Silver Birches one normally sees. This was the size of an Oak. There was a bench surrounding it and I spent many an evening under it doing 2 of my favourite things; gettting drunk and watching people. I went in one Monday morning and it was gone!!!!!!! Nowt, nothing, nyada. (Oh I love trees by the way.) The context is important here: It was the afternoon class and we had to listen to people reading what I felt to be rather tame and dull prose and poetry. People were drifting off but I was fuming about the tree. We were given the task of writing a few lines about something that was on your mind at the moment. Nice one. People were falling asleep: It came to my turn. I barked:

The bastards have cut my tree down!
The largest Silver Birch in the world
The largest Silver Birch in my world anyway
I got drunk with that tree
It was drunk with me
It had an overhang the next day
I hung out with it that night
and we talked about our travails and travels
I'd birch the bastards
Was it dying of cirrhosis of the quiver?
Its leaves have left and nevermore to shiver
There's just a blank space
Where there once was
A timbre of timber
And the kindly shaking of its leaves
In recognition of a kindred spirit
She's probably kindred kindling now
I hope she's keeping someone warm.

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I must add that the naughty little boy in me still pisses himself at the memory of one guy who nearly fell off his seat when I began. He'd been gently snoozing. There was a round of applause at the end! They were all angry about the loss of the tree.