patmac

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I have 13 stories published in one collection on the site.
My stories have been read 88997 times and 2 of my stories have been cherry picked.

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Patrick Mackeown

My stories

The President's Got No Clue!

By patmac on Fri, 28 Jul 2006

The President's Got No Clue! (Third of Patrick's hilarious: Ten Terrific Tales) (Can you imagine what would happen if a British comedy star, as bold as Sacha Baron-Cohen's Ali-G, was flown in specially, to relate to George Bush, because everyone else simply couldn't communicate at a level that far down!) 'Yo, Blair. How are you doing? See the irony is that what they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit and it's over.' President George W Bush's G8 Conference, assessment of July 2006's War in the Middle East
Humour
Story
Certificate U

Poem About Palestine

By patmac on Thu, 20 Jul 2006

Ode To A Wartorn Land In Palestine early feet were Canaanites Archaeologists study ancient Ugarit rights As Cananaum, scholars recall that land Of cana'ani, their word for a merchant Jericho City where civilisation started Mankind's famed fountain for selling salt Bronze-Age Jericho's walls reached heaven So massive that no man ever scaled them
Other Non-fiction
Poem
Certificate U

Internet Safety Poem

By patmac on Thu, 29 Jun 2006

Another young child is taken snatchers in broad daylight too Now that the Kraken has woken What must the web citizens do? Can you see Internet sniffing? Know what a chat server is? Your young child has been surfing But, is that Internet history his?
Humour
Certificate U

Naked Girls (Funny Saga)

By patmac on Sat, 17 Jun 2006

I don't know that much about naked girls generally. You see I'm not one of those myself. And so, as you can imagine, I did have a few problems when a number of them started to disorganise my hotel. Perhaps I should explain myself a little. You see, the girls weren't actually in my hotel; they were across the street. But unfortunately their showering-room was at the same height as the windows of my main bar. And, of course, my drinking guests could all see directly into the ladies' bathroom. Well, as you would expect any proprietor to do: When I noticed the first commotion of tipsy gentlemen pointing through my windows, I took myself off to see what had caused so much fuss. And, you'll understand my dismay, when I caught sight of a bare, young female in the room across the causeway, in the midst of her ablutions.
Humour
Story
Certificate U
1 likes

This is what happens when you use Windows NT to run a battleship!

By patmac on Thu, 15 Jun 2006

Hilarious Tale of Woeful, Warlike Computing Who Deleted My Battleship? Was it you? This is what happens when you use Windows NT to run a battleship! (Based on a true story: See footnote) This is a cautionary tale for those of you who've never been in the British Navy. We have an incredibly proud tradition of warlike seamanship, much of which is traced back to the heroics of Admiral Nelson, at the Battle of Trafalgar, in 1805. But, I must not digress; that's another story. So you won't be surprised to learn that, as a sea-captain, which as I'm sure you know, is a responsible office, in Her Majesty's Navy, I, and several of my fellow seamen, was asked to travel to the United States of America to witness the transformation of one of their pre-eminent battleships, The USS Yorktown, into a fully digitalised warrior-of-waves.
Humour
Story
Certificate U

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