The Other Terrence Oblong
It was 6.30 a.m. when I heard a hammering at my door. I quickly dressed and shouted for Alun to come in. He was clearly agitated. “We’re at war Jed,” he said.
“Hand over your monkey,” the robber said, brandishing a gnu. The rest of the gang had been lion in wait, and suddenly leopard out brandishing shoguns.
“As mad as a kipper that thinks it’s the king,” that was my dad’s expression. God knows where it came from.
"How fucking boring Evelyn Waugh’s book Scoop is. How unbelievably dull, repetitive, tired, inconsequential and fucking boring."