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Sorry!
Posted on Sun, 06 Jul 2014
Do you mind saying how old you are? This Jack the Ripper pastiche is excellent by the way.
Read full commentPosted in Chapter One: The Old Compton Street Murder
Only you Lavadis, can write
Posted on Sat, 05 Jul 2014
Only you Lavadis, can write like this. Brilliant.
An edit to consider?:
"This (is) my childhood dad,” said Daniel"
Read full commentPosted in ex - I'm every woman
Absolutely f*<}|^g brilliant.
Posted on Tue, 01 Jul 2014
Absolutely f*<}|^g brilliant.
This is ace.
Read full commentPosted in The Gonts
Good
Posted on Sun, 29 Jun 2014
Again slick and confident prose. Perhaps consider tidying up the first three or four sentences? There is some word repetition and it is a little clunky which is at odds with all that follows. Just my opinion of course.
Read full commentPosted in 4. Mr Jordan LLC and Two Visits to the Same Joint
Ha!
Posted on Sun, 29 Jun 2014
A good twist right at the end. Well done Daveking71.
Read full commentPosted in Bathroom Ghost
A Surprise!
Posted on Fri, 27 Jun 2014
I wasn't expecting prose Tina so it's a surprise and a welcome one too. I'd like you to use the full width of the page more often lol.
Read full commentPosted in Fergal's Wake (I.P.)
Palpable Tension
Posted on Wed, 25 Jun 2014
This continues to be pacey. I like the balance between dialogue and description, I think that in this particular episode you have got it pretty much spot on. Just be a little more aware of the action/reaction tags:
"Oldcastle marched...
Read full commentPosted in The Labour Planet - A Working Title - Part Nine 1010 words
8**(
Posted on Fri, 27 Jun 2014
Awful first memory. So sorry.
Read full commentPosted in Walking Thru Shards Of Glass
Lol! Good one Mr. A couple
Posted on Fri, 27 Jun 2014
Lol! Good one Mr. A couple of typos need your attention:
"Hes (He's) late they cry."
"She Walk (walks) in a strop."
"Dinners (Dinner's / Dinner is) on the table" (although it works as it appears in the poem)....
Read full commentPosted in Running Late
Top Quality
Posted on Tue, 24 Jun 2014
Ed, this is really excellent. The claustrophobia of the murder scene at the end is incredible. A convincing voice too. The themes of I'll gotten gains, disloyalty, the thickness of thieves and revenge takes a leap off the screen. Well done....
Read full commentPosted in X-Ray and I
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