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I have 0 stories published in 2 collections on the site.
My stories have been read times 203 of my 4,658 comments have been voted Great Feedback with a total of 221 votes

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203 of my comments have received 221 Great Feedback votes

1 Vote

Good

Posted on Sun, 29 Jun 2014

Again slick and confident prose.  Perhaps consider tidying up the first three or four sentences?  There is some word repetition and it is a little clunky which is at odds with all that follows.  Just my opinion of course.

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Posted in 4. Mr Jordan LLC and Two Visits to the Same Joint

1 Vote

Ha!

Posted on Sun, 29 Jun 2014

A good twist right at the end.  Well done Daveking71.

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Posted in Bathroom Ghost

1 Vote

A Surprise!

Posted on Fri, 27 Jun 2014

I wasn't expecting prose Tina so it's a surprise and a welcome one too.  I'd like you to use the full width of the page more often lol.

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Posted in Fergal's Wake (I.P.)

1 Vote

Palpable Tension

Posted on Wed, 25 Jun 2014

This continues to be pacey.  I like the balance between dialogue and description, I think that in this particular episode you have got it pretty much spot on.  Just be a little more aware of the action/reaction tags:

"Oldcastle marched...

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Posted in The Labour Planet - A Working Title - Part Nine 1010 words

1 Vote

8**(

Posted on Fri, 27 Jun 2014

Awful first memory.  So sorry.

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Posted in Walking Thru Shards Of Glass

1 Vote

Lol!  Good one Mr.  A couple

Posted on Fri, 27 Jun 2014

Lol!  Good one Mr.  A couple of typos need your attention:

 

"Hes (He's) late they cry."

"She Walk (walks) in a strop."

"Dinners (Dinner's / Dinner is) on the table" (although it works as it appears in the poem)....

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Posted in Running Late

1 Vote

Top Quality

Posted on Tue, 24 Jun 2014

Ed, this is really excellent.  The claustrophobia of the murder scene at the end is incredible.  A convincing voice too.  The themes of I'll gotten gains, disloyalty, the thickness of thieves and revenge takes a leap off the screen.  Well done....

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Posted in X-Ray and I

1 Vote

;-))

Posted on Sat, 21 Jun 2014

So delicately written Richard.  This whole series has been a joy to read, keep them coming.

"stretched it out as far as they (it) would go"

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Posted in The Dragon of Nottingham - The Beach Recordings - Part One

1 Vote

Excellent

Posted on Thu, 19 Jun 2014

Very good poem here Tina.  I love the undercurrent of bitterness that I taste and the unbirthed scream that seems to be biding its time.  Wonderful.

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Posted in No Fairy-Tale – This

1 Vote

Hello Omar!

Posted on Wed, 18 Jun 2014

Ok you said that you would value some feedback?  First off, I would caution you against telling people that they can be 'brutal' it can and often does cause the recipient more pain than gain.  I am not going to be brutal, there is never any need...

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Posted in Into Darkness: Chapter 1, Section(s) 5 & 6

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