204 of my comments have received 223 Great Feedback votes
Posted on Sun, 29 Jun 2014
Again slick and confident prose. Perhaps consider tidying up the first three or four sentences? There is some word repetition and it is a little clunky which is at odds with all that follows. Just my opinion of course.Read full comment
Posted on Wed, 25 Jun 2014
This continues to be pacey. I like the balance between dialogue and description, I think that in this particular episode you have got it pretty much spot on. Just be a little more aware of the action/reaction tags:
"Oldcastle marched...Read full comment
Lol! Good one Mr. A couple
Posted on Fri, 27 Jun 2014
Lol! Good one Mr. A couple of typos need your attention:
"Hes (He's) late they cry."
"She Walk (walks) in a strop."
"Dinners (Dinner's / Dinner is) on the table" (although it works as it appears in the poem)....Read full comment
Posted in Running Late
Posted on Tue, 24 Jun 2014
Ed, this is really excellent. The claustrophobia of the murder scene at the end is incredible. A convincing voice too. The themes of I'll gotten gains, disloyalty, the thickness of thieves and revenge takes a leap off the screen. Well done....Read full comment
Posted in X-Ray and I