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204 of my 4,515 comments have been voted Great Feedback with a total of 222 votes
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Good
Posted on Thu, 09 Oct 2014
Would benefit from a few minutes spent formatting the dialogue section in particularly but it's a very good start and there's a distinctive voice to be found in the rendering of this post-apocalyptic parish. Well done Ewan.
Read full commentPosted in A Canticle on Gadarene
"hovers over head (overhead)
Posted on Mon, 06 Oct 2014
Strong feeling communicated well. The anxiety at the end is almost palpable. Excellent actually.
I'm uncertain about using "It's" at the start of the second stanza. In my opinion it lends an unecessary ambiguity - do the minutes belong...
Read full commentPosted in Pain Killer
Oh yes. Very good. I agree
Posted on Thu, 02 Oct 2014
Oh yes. Very good. I agree with Mark about wanting to know more. Action characters and character development and smooth dialogue.
Not keen on 'futilely' as an adverb (don't like adverbs period actually) that one definitely needs to go...
Read full commentPosted in The Distance Between Them
Very good turn around with
Posted on Mon, 29 Sep 2014
Very good turn around with the start of the letter writing. Well done and welcome.
Read full commentPosted in Abomination
You have a good world
Posted on Tue, 16 Sep 2014
You have a good world developing here (I have read all three) full of vivid images and written up with confidence. It's obvious that you are enjoying this story as am I. Hold back a bit on the reaction tags:
"looking down at the red...
Read full commentPosted in Progeniture, Ch. 3
No, you are absolutely right
Posted on Tue, 16 Sep 2014
No, you are absolutely right to have tagged it 'Young Writer' Joshua, that is exactly what it is for. I questioned it because this is such a surprisingly accomplished piece of work from a young person. I hope that doesn't sound patronising, it'...
Read full commentPosted in Back In Little League
Like the assonance and the
Posted on Sun, 14 Sep 2014
Like the assonance and the alliteration very much Bee. That, allied with the theme brings a particular feeling to this which I like very much. Well done.
Read full commentPosted in You Said
Love that song and loved that
Posted on Thu, 11 Sep 2014
Love that song and loved that advert too. Good one Alfie.
Read full commentPosted in The Most Amazing Gorilla
I agree that she would be a
Posted on Tue, 09 Sep 2014
I agree that she would be a person that is likely to speak in cliched terms and would probably have a few (hidden) copies of Hello magazine somewhere in the house.
You have to be so careful that you don't let yourself fall into...
Read full commentPosted in Name Tag
I liked the slow build of the
Posted on Tue, 09 Sep 2014
I liked the slow build of the terror and the descriptions set the atmosphere. The twist at the end seemed to arrive rather abruptly perhaps. Good story.
Read full commentPosted in The Newgate Witch
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