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I agree. There is just
Posted on Wed, 11 Feb 2015
I agree. There is just enough here. Hypnotic in a way. And I like the way that the is series unfolding.
Read full commentPosted in For S., 8 Poems (3-4)
Oh Yes
Posted on Tue, 10 Feb 2015
There is un undeniable confidence - no - assurance to this poetry which I really admire. The concision is also to be noted. Very good indeed.
Read full commentPosted in For S., 8 Poems (1-2)
Ok
Posted on Sat, 31 Jan 2015
I love that you are writing this Jake. There's action, feeling, conflict and a little bit of very tactful sensuality. I know that you are commited to this and good on you for it, see it through until the end and when it's finished...
Read full commentPosted in Luck (part I)
Welcome Aravind. Good story!
Posted on Tue, 27 Jan 2015
Welcome Aravind. Good story!
Read full commentPosted in THE INTELLIGENT PIGEON
Aargh! the conflicting
Posted on Mon, 26 Jan 2015
Aargh! the conflicting advice is so frustrating, I'd have added in the 'don't let her/him sleep on their front/ won't sleep on their back' battle.
Read full commentPosted in Breast is Best
A typo:
Posted on Thu, 08 Jan 2015
Typo:
As I dove (dived) onto the bed I looked for her anus
Read full commentPosted in The Erection
I would recommend that the
Posted on Sun, 04 Jan 2015
I would recommend that the comma in the first line and the full stop at the end should go, as should the hyphen in the ninth line. A change of the enjambment there, in the ninth line, giving 'body of many parts' its own seperate line...
Read full commentPosted in The City Lives
Very frustrating
Posted on Fri, 19 Dec 2014
Personally I'd delete the very last line. Subjective opinion of course. Untold numbers feel like this.
Read full commentPosted in An Idiot in the class
I met someone that attempted
Posted on Sat, 20 Dec 2014
I met someone that attempted suicice by jumping from a motorway bridge. He got it wrong. How so? he went through the windshield of an oncoming lorry, killed the driver and became quadriplegic himself in the process.
The other patients...
Read full commentPosted in How to Kill Yourself
This is really good kilb.
Posted on Tue, 16 Dec 2014
So good this. Maybe a tiny dip towards the last bit. I'm all for lightness and brevity but maybe a few words extra to oil the changes (After he’d washed his hands Dougie-boy muttered: “See you later” and left.).
This is me...
Read full commentPosted in The Devil's Dish Served Six Different Ways (chapters 5 & 6)
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